My bf now ex we dated 1 1/2 was the perfect guy that my parents always wanted for me he went to Harvard and is a lawyer.I agreed to marry him because it seemed the natural progression of things in the relationship and i thought my feelings would work themselves out but that did not happened . I realized that i just did not love him and that i was still in love with another ex.bf.So i called off the wedding before any money was spent on it.My mom seems to not be getting over this though and put a guilt trip on whenever i talk to her saying how dissappointed she is in me.
2007-02-02 08:07:39 · 16 answers · asked by amalia R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She'll get over it. You can't help that you didnt end up loving him, and quite frankly you should be disapointed with your mom for behaving that way. It is obvious that she is upset that you are no longer marrying a person who will have money. That's probably the main reason.
2007-02-02 08:11:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's not a whole lot of detail in your question. I am curious, who is this other man you couldn't get over? Is he a jerk or a manipulator and your mother saw right through him and knows you can do better?
If that's not the case, and if your mother is reacting the way she is only because you didn't marry a Harvard graduate/lawyer, then that's silly. You did the right thing by calling off the wedding before you invested a lot of time and money into it. And why marry someone you know you wouldn't be happy with? You never marry on even a little bit of a doubt.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with your decision.
2007-02-02 16:56:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are sorry she feels this way, but it is your life after all. You are the one who has to live with your own choices. If you found that you did not love the person your mother liked so well, you were right to not marry them. You have a right to find real love and to be happy with the person you decide to live the rest of your life with. You were also very wise to stop the wedding before any money was spent.
Marriage is a life altering experience that should not be taken lightly. Would your mother have rather had you be unhappy or divorced shortly? He is probably the "perfect guy" for someone else who will love him. And there is someone special out there for you, too. Don't "settle" just to please other people.
I married a man, who was 10 years my senior, when I was 18 years old, because it was expected. After 9 long, miserable years, we finally divorced. My father knew better and told me he would explain to the church full of people if I decided to back out at the last minute. I was foolish and went ahead anyway.
Good Luck and Good Love.
2007-02-02 16:18:57 · answer #3 · answered by Nepetarias 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You were very smart to cancel the wedding. How terrible it would have been to marry someone you do not love, just to make your mother, or anyone, happy.
You cannot make your mother understand it or accept it until she is ready. She should be proud of you for what you did because it was a brave thing to do. Many people would have gone through with the marriage due to lack of courage. Just keep living your life in a way that best suits you. And stay happy.
Best luck and take care.
2007-02-02 16:45:59 · answer #4 · answered by Abby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say, "Mom, I can understand why you're disappointed that your little girl didn't get married, and, yes, he did have many fine qualities. However, I did not love him the way a wife should love a husband, and I know you would not want me to marry a man I did not love in that way. You had many hopes for our future together, so I understand that you must be grieving the loss of my relationship with him, and the future you had imagined for us. But that future never would have bloomed without love."
2007-02-02 16:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her understand. If she is disappointed because you chose not to marry a man you didn't love, her priorities are different then yours. She can believe and feel as she wants.
Be proud of yourself and tell her that the decision is made and you are not going to discuss it with her anymore. When she brings it up, just end the conversation. Eventually she will see that she is going to change your mind. Good luck and stick to your decision.
2007-02-02 16:12:41 · answer #6 · answered by Shelley 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let me guess, the other BF is a drummer in a garage band. Pretty smart ain't I. Love? Yes love is VERY important...but so is money. If it wasn't you wouldn't need the crap would you. Well, money can't buy everything. Got to do what makes you happy. And finally, if your MOM is so damn in love with him, tell HER to marry him. You've got to just HATE this rocket science we go through every day! :)
2007-02-02 16:19:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She will just have to get over it eventually. It is one thing to express disappointment, and another to nag you about it constantly. Things happen; not every relationship works out. If at her age she doesn't understand this simple truth, I don't know what will make her ever understand that. Don't feel guilty; you did what you felt was the right thing, and there's nothing wrong with that.
2007-02-02 16:17:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Probably because in her eyes you let the good one get away. She'll get over it. She needs to be supportive of you, not making you feel bad about a decision you made. It was probably for the better and she'll see that one day. Find someone that suits you, not your parents.
2007-02-02 16:19:06 · answer #9 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's your life, not your mommy's. Anyway, lawyers don't necessarily make good husbands - they've got lots of cash but they work all the time making it, and many of them can be real jerks. So you're probably better off single - but only YOU know for sure, not me, not your momma and not anybody else!!!!
2007-02-02 16:35:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋