Now I've read several of the answers from other similar questions and I'll tell you this... I wasn't expecting what happened, but it did. I always said I would never do that to anyone because I knew how it felt. However, how can you control your feelings and emotions for someone the shows you the same in return. Now I know what I'm doing is wrong and that most people who answer will put me down and same nasty things, but understand this I've already tried to leave her... I can't. She has already told her husband that she has fallen in love with me, and I feel so bad. Now I'm not saying I feel bad for her husband, but for her. She's been with him for 16 years and it's been hard on her only because she has a long history with him. She's willing to leave it all for me, but I'm just a bit nervous about everything and not about any potential danger, but if she's going to make the right decision. I never want her to resent me for taking her away from her husband. What should I do?
2007-02-02 07:30:30 · 20 answers · asked by Feder C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It depends if she has been in a bad marriage for a long time or not. If she has "always" wanted out, but just has not done it yet, then maybe her feelings for you are true. Many people have long marriages that are not really satisfying and it's magnified when a more compatible person comes along.
If you are both on the same page and have similar goals and really have the chemistry - then maybe it's meant to be.
Don't worry about the guilt, bc people that stay in unhappy arrangements miss out on life. Follow your hearts and be true to yourself (whichever way it ends up).
2007-02-02 08:11:33 · answer #1 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First it is not totally your problem, I understand that she is appreciating this relation; that is to say welcoming you in her life already so you are not to be blamed. As for her husband ... it is not your fault to make her so fall to you as well cause you mainly feel with regret now and I guess you'd move away if she is not welcoming you in her life. So if it were not you coming and changing her life, it could be with someone else ... The best thing is that she spoke to her husband and was frank enough though it ain't easy task. Your role now is off or may be "pending" you should not react until there is a positive outcome from her side either to head towards a positive solution that is to be with you or to complete her life with her husband ... you have wait and see but too much time will kill both of you. Decision has to be taken as sharp and fast as it can be.
Wishing you best of luck.
2007-02-02 07:39:36 · answer #2 · answered by Sara007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too bad. The odds are against you. "Falling" in love is really a choice we make. You have made this choice. It isn't something that has come out of left field by surprise. The guy at the top of the heap never got there by falling.
If she wants to divorce her husband let her do so. But if I were both of you I would back off of the relationship until she is out of that marriage for several months. Then she will be free to work on a real relationship with you.
2007-02-02 08:00:14 · answer #3 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if she already told her husband its too late u better atleast try it out, out of respect for her and what not. DOnt coward away now that she is going to be basically single and is going to be with just you now you are second thinking it? You are just playing a game with her emotions, you dont need to control her emotions she is a humen bein and she can do that for her self its not ur duty. Your duty is to control your own emotions and understand what u just did, you ruined two peoples lives that were already ruined. Trust me if she was not at that point of not wanting to be with her hubby you couldnt have seperated her you know? Its not ur fault it was something that was already there from prior to you coming into her life, she wasnt happy and now she will be with you. The only thing is atleast she was honest and did not commit adultry so you have no worries of her doing it to you because atleast she will be honest. It is too late to turn back time so basicalllly go with the flow and work things out with her and make a good life out of it.
I think though personally you were in love with the fact that you couldnt really have her so you were not worried cause not in a million years you thought she would leave. The love was there because you felt secure that you wouldnt be tied down now that you are going to be, now you are second thinking things. Food for thought.
2007-02-02 07:37:37 · answer #4 · answered by TOokieTook 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would firstly like to say your story is oh too common and that the part where you said you and i quote "how can you control your feelings and emotions for someone the shows you the same in return" thats the point you can, and or couldve CONTROLLED your emotions even if she was trying to be with you.....there are to many people in this world that deal with depression and anxiety for years to come because of stuff like this, if she'll so EAGERLY leave her husband of SIXTEEN years what makes you think your relationship will last??.....and when you said "Now I'm not saying I feel bad for her husband, but for her" thats completely messed up your not ruining her life your ruining HIS LIFE!!!! he's the one that will cry himself to sleep while she's in your arms and he's the one that will walk through his house and remember their memories while she making new ones with you.....And for you to say that its been hard on her because she has a long history with him she COULD HAVE AND SHOULD HAVE told her husband that she wasnt happy. there are no excuses for intentionally hurting someone. and the sad thing is you both know your wrong but continue to act as if nothing is wrong....becareful because you reap what you sew and thats not lookin good for either of you.
2007-02-02 08:06:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right to have a case of nerves about this. When the flames and aura have died down between you two, then what? She'll be with you with thoughts of that 16 year relationship going down the drain. If she leaves her husband for you, then please don't rush into marriage. Give this some time. It may run it's course, and then again, it could be destiny. But give it time, take baby steps. Make certain she has moved on completely, totally, and has not one single regret. You know that when emotions run high it is damn near impossibe to see the picture clearly.
2007-02-02 07:41:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes... I myself am married and like most women we tend to seek the emotional connection Or any type of connection that is lacking in our married lives. (But not all women act upon these feelings) Maybe you're too nice of a guy and women unconsciously mistaken these cues for a potential replacement of what's missing in lives especially if you're good looking and single. This makes you the "whole package" deal without them having to commit or leave their husbands.
2016-03-29 01:48:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you really in love with her? Are you sure she is ready to leave him. It can work out but you have to be sure. Does she have children? Was she unhappy before you came into her life. Most women will not leave an unhappy marriage unless another man comes along. That is wrong but it seems to often happen that way. If you are sure and you want her to take action give it a certain deadline in your head and see if you mean enough to her to follow through. But first do you love her enough?
2007-02-02 07:49:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time, a long time ago, my mom said that the oven would burn me. I could feel the heat from it and I knew it would probably hurt if I touched it. So one day I said to myself, self, I know this is going to be pain-full but I just cant help myself. So I reached up and touched the red hot oven. It F'n hurt. Then I told myself, self, I knew that would happen so why did you do that? So I answered myself, YOU ARE A D U M B A S S !!!!!
2007-02-02 07:54:00 · answer #9 · answered by aubreytaegan 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. You should break it off with her and let her make her decision on whether she wants to leave him or not. I don't feel you should ever leave for someone else. If there is a problem with her marriage then she needs to address that. She will find out that the grass is not greener on the other side and you will pay for it. Love or Lust....the early feelings of butterflies in your stomach. Oh if only we could hold on to them forever.....Sorry it doesn't work that way....If you back off and she leaves him anyway, then shes there for you. If you back off and she stays then she has some issues herself that she needs to work on. like afraid of being alone....
Move on if you know whats good for you....
2007-02-02 08:10:51 · answer #10 · answered by txO3blueeyes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋