We have been married for 6 mos. He was married before (she died 7 yrs ago) I feel everything I do is compared to her. I am size 13 jrs, the first wife was very tiny. Last night he told me I need to start losing weight. He still has her pictures up all over the house, I don't feel confident in our relationship to address that. I feel that at night she is between us. He is NEVER affectionate with me. He NEVER says I love you. He NEVER does anything to show me how he feels. I am 29 he is 49. Is this an age gap or do you feel like I feel... he wasn't ready to move on (its been since 1999)... he has 2 children from her that he absolutly adores.. and we have one together that in his moments he adores. I think that its going to be a long lonely life if I stay.. but if I don't stay... my daughter might grow up without a dad because I don't know if he will make the effort to form a concrete relationship.
2007-02-02 07:26:38 · 14 answers · asked by Life*goes*on 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he wasn't ready to move on then why did he?
If he doesn't act like he's in love, then what makes you think he is?
Let him know right now that he can't compare you to his departed wife no matter how much he loved her or how much he misses her. She should not be a factor in your marriage.
The greatest dis-respect you can pay to your loved ones that pass on is to stop living because they're gone. He needs to be aware of this. ie...PEOPLE YOU LOVE DIE. GET OVER IT.
If he has no interest in any woman other than his dead wife, then he shouldn't have married you in the first place. Also, if he has no interest being in your daughter's life, then she'll be a lot better off without him.
2007-02-02 07:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what was the relationship like before u got married. and i don't mean this as an insult by any means....29---29 honey i believe age don't matter but that's going a little extreme. i do believe hes just using u because he cant fathem being alone. and by the way a size 13 jeans is still tiny. he should respect u in taking down these pictures of his late wife. he wasn't ready to move on and to be honest i don't think he will ever be. even if u do stay (and by the way why would u want to ) is it sure he will make the effort to form a concrete relationship? i don't think it will matter. do this for ur child before ur child is old enuf to know better. think of how she will feel in a few years. will it be the same as u and lonely or will it be rebellious because she doesnt get the attention from her when it suits her not him. like i said this is meant to offend u or insult u.
best of luck in ur decision
2007-02-02 15:38:30 · answer #2 · answered by mommie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I, too, am in a relationship with a man who was widowed. The were married for 31 years and she died of colon cancer. He has two children from her and sooooooooo many memories. It has been 6 years since she died and he still has much of her living in this house. If you are married now it is time for you to take your place in his mind too. You can't and won't replace her. People mourn differently and I know that the images of his wife can be a comfort. My partner went through a long period of guilt because he had developed feelings for me. He felt unfaithful and ashamed. I have gained weight due to health problems and I think that trying to take care of myself has been important to him because of his loss. He doesn't want to lose another love. There is 10 years between my partner and me, sometimes it is an age thing, sometimes it is a difference in personality. Find a time to talk to him, a quiet time, without kids an tv. Tell him how you feel and let him know whether you are sticking around or not. I did. I don't regret it and we are closer now because of the patience we had with each other. Good luck.
2007-02-02 15:41:25 · answer #3 · answered by Kathleen B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is such a delicate situation, and I'm sorry you are going through it! Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine was ... only I got pregnant right after we married, so I had all these pesky hormones raging! First and foremost, talk to your husband about how you are feeling. Also try making the first move (hug or kiss him out of nowhere) and seeing if he reciprocates. As far as his ex-wife's pictures around the house ... if it truly doesn't bother you, I wouldn't mention it to him. Take into consideration his children with her (they would probably be hurt if all of her pictures and memories were taken down). If talking and actions don't work, try counseling. A marriage is also a partnership, and you both have to work together. It's commendable that you want to make it work for your daughter's sake ... remember that she will be happy if you are happy. Best of luck!
2007-02-02 15:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by Duckie314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's tough but here's reality for you ...
1 - he should have at least some photos of his late wife around because he's still caring for their children. It's important that he doesn't make the children feel like he's abandoned her when he married you. Out of respect he should keep these photos more in areas of the children's room and such. Not so much in your face and all over the house.
2 - You need to worry about you and your child. I know that sounds harsh but you are responsible for YOUR child not his. Children CAN survive and become great adults when raised by one parent as long as the parent is loving, caring and supportive.
3 - if he is still in love with his wife and not paying attention to you. I would first ask him to go to therapy (if you want to save the marriage) if he goes great, If not then leave.
This is a tough one and I don't envy what you're going through but please remember you're not alone. Your child is going through this too. You need to make the right decision for both of you.
Good luck!
2007-02-02 15:38:04 · answer #5 · answered by singlebravesfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is horrible.
He isn't finished grieving and he is unable to see that he mistreating you. It is a definite counseling required problem.
There is nothing you can do. Except say...no I am not going on a diet. This situation will crush you.
Move out. Take your child....he may come to his senses. Obviously you didn't notice that he didn't really love you. Pictures of the ex are forbidden in a new marriage. He miss her. Not you.
You are already miserable. Tell him that this isn't working and say why.
2007-02-02 15:33:38 · answer #6 · answered by kishoti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how did you guys even end up together. Go ahead and get outta that. its not healthy for you or your child. If he doesnt make in effort to know his child that's his lose. You can make a happy home with your child even without the father. I am sure you will meet some else that loves you and your shild for who you are not someone long gone!
2007-02-02 17:53:56 · answer #7 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well let me tell you my grand mom died 10 years ago and i still cry for her every night. you only been mariied 6 months and this is something new for him. give him time be sweet and talk to him let him know how you feel,do not mention divorce because he will miss his ex wife even more. give him everything he wants and needs so he will not have time to think about her. be romanticXXX XXX xxx. do not have more kids.
2007-02-02 15:44:02 · answer #8 · answered by sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world did you marry him in the first place? See if you qualify for an annulment in your state. This marriage should never have taken place.
2007-02-02 15:33:20 · answer #9 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you didn't realize that before you got married? you should talk to him and see how he talks and see what he says. you can stick around for a short while afterwards only if he changes but if he don't, start packing.
2007-02-02 15:35:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋