someone had posted a similar poem and i changed it to what i thought it should say. what do you think of mine?
Why in this world do we live and breathe
There must be a god there’s so much belief
No matter your race, colour or creed
what wonderful life, tainted by greed
from big business to little its always the same
lust for the money, fortune and fame
however did we get so far out of touch,
where family and friends dont matter so much
What have we done to this wonderful Earth
where fascists and tyrranists have THE higher berths
how did it come to this, how can we out-grow?
The answer to this; is no body knows
2007-02-02 07:24:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Why in this world do we live and breathe
There must be a god there’s so much belief
No matter your race, colour or creed
what wonderful life, tainted by greed
from big business to little its always the same
lust for the money, fortune and fame
however did we get so far out of touch,
where family and friends dont matter so much
What have we done to this wonderful Earth
where fascists and tyrranists have THE higher berths
how did it come to this, how can we out-grow?
The answer to this; is no body knows
well the original writer asked what i thought. so i changed a majority% of it to what i thought it should be. then i was told it was good so i thought id ask you lot
2007-02-02 07:39:32 · update #1
and can i point out i was only wondering what you all thought. its the first time ive tried anything but thought id give it a go. as for the published poet(bout 18 answers down).oooh well done to you. i bet both your friends are very pleased for you
2007-02-02 07:49:42 · update #2
i don't think you should change someone else's work
2007-02-02 07:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by soren 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with rewsna, but I can't helped but notice some grammar mistakes. It's very annoying. So...
Why in this world do we live and breathe?
There must be a god; there’s so much belief.
No matter your race, colour or creed
What wonderful life, tainted by greed.
Business from big to little its always the same --
lust for the money, fortune and fame.
How did we get so far out of touch,
That family and friends don't matter so much.
What have we done to this wonderful Earth,
Where fascists and tyrranists have THE higher berths?
How did it come to this, how can we out-grow?
The answer to this; nobody knows.
Perfect.
2007-02-02 08:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent poem, it really hits the mark, no matter what other people may say, but I would be careful if a poet hasn't given you permission to do so, as a lot of serious poets copyright their poetry as I do.
However if you can reconstruct a poem, why not write one from scratch, for I am sure if you have the ear for how a poem should sound then you should be able to write one yourself.
2007-02-02 08:24:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take this lesson my son
never change others work
even when it's just for fun
what you said is true
but for the matter there is no clue
and what's done
can't be undone ...
so listen to this :
life is beautiful
look at moonlight
smell ocean's odor
and walk under the sun
love others..and when you're tired
run , run , and run...
2007-02-02 07:39:31 · answer #4 · answered by rewsna 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The poem captures reality and also casts doubts on the existence of god. I'd love it more if it showed some hope in the last few lines.
2007-02-02 07:35:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life with all it entails seems to be even,
There are those are and are not believin'
If we dwell on all the many things that are bad,
we seem to forget about all the good and that is sad.
Your poem tries to reflect what you think,
but Life really is not all black like ink.
2007-02-02 07:36:27 · answer #6 · answered by SANCHO PANZA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Foghorn is right, it's doggerel. I'm a published poet, and I can tell you poetry does not mean having your lines rhyme and scan. Sorry, there is nothing original here at all. Millions of people write poetry, but only thousands of us are published.
2007-02-02 07:45:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your poem is very good
And without being crude
It’s refreshing when someone jots
An opinion that’s food for thoughts
You have a talent for a rhyme
Continue and you’ll do just fine.
Best wishes :)
2007-02-02 07:39:08 · answer #8 · answered by Zenlife07 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doggerel
2007-02-02 07:32:37 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Third to the last line is out of step.
Other than that, it's a bit hard on the tongue. LOL
2007-02-02 07:32:29 · answer #10 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, it's hard to say,
Why some folk turn away,
from life and a good time,
to take up a life of crime.
2007-02-02 07:31:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋