We've been married 5.5 yrs. From my view it has always been a struggle. Lots of emotional abuse. He is very insecure and needy. We've seen 4 different therapists. He seems to convince them he's such a nice guy and they tell me to be patient, understanding. I try, things get better for a short while (as they often do as long as I'm not making my needs known), and the therapy stops. Then the pattern repeats. We did find a PhD who seemed to really listen to me, but still her bottom line seems to be "that's who he is and you have to be patient". Now he's lost his job and is moping around the house, seemingly incapable of finishing any of the projects he started but didn't finish when he was working. I'm TIRED of being patient!!! If I try to communicate my needs to him, he immediately shifts into a defensive mode and starts to argue and sling insults. He fights in front of the kids (3.5 and 16) and sometimes even drags them into it. I'm at the end of my rope! HELP!
2007-02-02 07:06:35 · 19 answers · asked by lsloner 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
SEE A COUNSELOR YOURSELF IF HE WON'T GO. MIGHT BE BEST FOR ALL IF YOU TOOK THE KIDS AND LEFT, BEFORE YOU DO THAT , TALK TO A LAWYER FIRST.
2007-02-02 07:11:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you I stayed in a marriage like that for over 19 years and then that was finally it. It is very hard upon you emotionally and eventually it may get physical. I don't know what to tell you about the therapy because they do always try to make themselves look really friggen great but I know and you know that they are not.
Its a hard mix between the two but the one thing you must realize is that if he doesn't want to change he will not
Mind didn't either.
He had control on me even when we separated which was a number of years ago now but I can tell you that He still believes that it is not over that i will go back and I have not given him any indication of that.
Too bad but the games are over now as far as I am concerned.
2007-02-02 07:17:00 · answer #2 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would have suggested therapy but since that isn't working I would suggest separation. I don't think you should fight in front of the kids. Its not fair to them. Children always see their parents fighting as having something to do with them being bad. The best advice my mom told me and Dr. Phil says the same thing...I would rather be happy alone than unhappy in a relationship.
2007-02-02 07:18:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not a nice guy. He may have been 5 years ago, but he is a controlling and selfish abusive man. Ask for a divorce. Easy for ME to say but my father is exactly like him. You and your kids deserve a LOT better. Let go of the rope and call your attorney
God bless you. :0)
2007-02-02 07:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by Matt M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is DIVORCE. Take it from someone who's been there. Sorry but if you are fighting like that it is no good for the kids to see.
Your 16 year old, especially if boy, may resent you for it, but he will come around after he gets married himself.
You need calm to come into your life.
2007-02-02 07:14:19 · answer #5 · answered by Aliz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess for now you are in the ride for the kids. It seems as if it is a damn, if you do, or a damn, if you don't! I think it is his way or no, way! By now I am sure you know, what you have to do to keep peace in the house whole. For your own sanity sake. Try Prayer, it works, you are not going to change him, the only person who you can change is yourself, so you have to do what you know you have to do, to make your self happy, and content.I wish you all the best!
2007-02-02 07:17:12 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, he seems extremely depressed. Maybe if he saw a doctor on his own that might help him. Don't like to give this kind of advice, but you should probably separate from him. He might be a lost cause from the sounds of it. Maybe some anti-depressants might help him. Maybe some time apart will open his eyes more to his own problems. Good luck.
2007-02-02 07:16:44 · answer #7 · answered by Ralphie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you have given him plenty of chances. Now it is time to take care of yourself and your children. Cut your losses before you waste any more time on him. Do not however take your children and leave. Go and file and tell your attorney that you want him out of the house because of his mental and emotional abuse, then have him served. Make sure you start documenting what he does to you and your children.
2007-02-02 07:23:56 · answer #8 · answered by Jacuzzi Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband isn't happy with himself. I dated a guy like that not too long ago. He made himself "feel better" by making me miserable. It's like if I was down it somehow made him happier.
There's only one answer at this stage in your marriage. You need to get out and take the kids with you. I've been through what you're going through and it will only get worse.
You've tried and tried and tried again now it's time to save yourself and your children. Think of them and how this affects them. They deserve better than this. YOU deserve better than this.
Good luck and I hope you find the peace your after. :)
2007-02-02 07:14:05 · answer #9 · answered by singlebravesfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW.....Ever thought that it might be your mouth that brings him down. Or maybe he is a freak. Sounds like the both of you are pretty screwed up.....Deep down the both of you know what to do to fix things.....People change for the good and some for the bad, some grow apart and some just plain out hate each other......Whats your choice?
2007-02-02 07:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by aubreytaegan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a therapist just for you and maybe you can get him to see someone just for him then at some point when you both have a better understanding of yourselves see someone together.
2007-02-02 07:11:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋