my husband exwife who he shares 2 children with got diagnosed with cancer last month.its curable and she has a huge local support team(mom,dad,sisters,freinds).the problem is she relies on my husband for everything.we now have both girls(which i love)almost full time(as she needed surgery and chemo) but continue to pay full child support to her.we are not rich by all means and this is really hurting us.plus she allways wants my husband to come visit her with the girls,or have my husband pick her up to bring her to the girls sports/school activities(her mom/sisters could do this to just as easly)the reason i seem so much like a b-tch is this women made our lifes hell befor she got sick i can't even begin to tell u the stuff she has done.now that shes sick she wants my husband to be her good friend.the problem is my husband does all this stuff for her and even throws extra money her way that we don't have.i do feel sorry for her but i can't forget all the things she has done to us.
2007-02-02 06:48:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
no this has not changed her shes still demanding of my husband and guilts him into doing things for her.plus after all she has been thru she still can't find anything nice to say about me and after all i have done for her girls
2007-02-02 06:50:02 · update #1
if you guys have the girls then why doesh e pay child support? if anything, she should be payiong you because you guys have the girls.. but she needs the money... so yea... i dont think he should pay her child support... he is paying for the girls needs right now while they are home.. the food and everything comes from your husbands pocket... so whats the child support for??? she should be gettin rides to go somewhere from her family.. whats up with your husband having to be on her butt... no she cant depend on him.. he has you... he has to fill his job as a husband to you.. not to her... idk... try and talk to your husband, without being rude about it and tryt o make him understand this... it is rare to see a step mother who loves his kids... so i say Congrats to you... =) you are one amazing woman and i admire you for that.
2007-02-02 06:54:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jessie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of good answers here. You definitely must talk this out with your husband and come to an agreement on the limits of your assistance to his ex. As far as the girls are concerned, if he is now providing full time care for them, then she is no longer entitled to child support, but you may have to take legal action to change that. I would further suggest you enlist the aid of a mutual friend to ensure that the girls are able to see their mother on a regular basis but it is not the responsibility of your husband to provide that. I don't know anything about the character of his ex but some people will use their sickness as a manipulative tool to get their way. There is nothing wrong with showing kindness, even to his ex, despite what she may have done in the past, but you must also put the welfare of your own family first.
2007-02-02 07:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Trail Hiker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the problem with us humans. We always want something for nothing. If you're going to do something begrudgingly then don't do it all. You should be taking care of the girls because of you love them not to be getting any praise out of it and not for the mother, it needed to be done and you're their step-mother. Second, are you forgetting that you're husband used to be married to this woman. No matter what you say or want that bond will always be there, she wasn't supposed to make your life easier. He was her husband. If she didn't commit adultery and he did, he's in the wrong. She has the right to be bitter against you. You're with the person who promised to be with her forever. So don't get mad. If you don't have the money, if you're working now, and it's your money too, then tell your husband that you guys can't keep supporting her. If he's taking care of the kids right now he shouldn't be paying her child support anyway, but he's helping her with money. Talk to your husband. Good luck!
2007-02-02 06:55:07 · answer #3 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow... that's crazy. He sounds like he wants to control you. A marriage is all about helping each other and if he wont allow you to do what you want that's wrong. bottom line its not about the money its about you doing something for and with yourself. I agree with the other comments about leaving him but if you really want to save ur marriage u have to be firm and give him and ultimatum and if that don't work get out of there you don't need to be with a man that doesn't respect you. stop and think also why he does it. It might help you deal with your decision a lot better. Is he doing because he's insecure? is he the jealous type? is that y he want you home all the time? those are just some examples but think about it what ever the reason it's not right nor healthy
2016-05-24 05:46:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to your husband. YOU are his wife now. YOU should be priority over the ex. I think what you guys have done is great. It sounds like you have done more for the ex and the girls than you needed to. She needs to know that she is no longer married to your husband and the only ties she has to him are those little girls. And if you are taking the girls all the time, he should not have to pay child support to the ex. She is just mooching off of you guys and the line needs to be drawn.
Good luck!!
2007-02-02 06:58:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard situation, just pray about it. He probably feels bad for the kids and giving extra money because she can't work right now.........Look at it like this.....he is doing it for the children
Now I would not let him do extra things for her that her family could do but when it comes to the children I would be supportive and yes he may give extra money but those are his daughters and he is probably trying to compensate for what mom can't do right now.......
I know the visits are a bit much and she probably is asking him to do a lot for her but just trust in your man and continue to love him, things will get better
2007-02-02 06:55:43 · answer #6 · answered by Pegi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That always happen, ex wife that don't want to let go. I think that you should talk seriously to your husband about what you think and how you feel. She's blackmailing your relationship with your husband, playing the sick part and taking advantage of the situation, she's going to go far if you let her. One think is the girls and other think is that she still pretends that your husband is still hers. Set limits for your husband and as well for her. She's not part of the package and let him to know all very clear. He doesn't need to feel guilty and to play both roles, he needs to understand your feelings and he has obligations with you not to her. Don't let go nothing, is your marriage and your husband and you have the rights. Go for it! and God Bless you.
2007-02-02 07:04:13 · answer #7 · answered by MayanPrincess@sbcgglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
express ur feelings to him tell him how u feel and make sure and tell him yall as a family come first and he shudn just shell out money to an outside problem before taking care of home first because in the end thats where most of his responsibilities are and thats at the place he calls home
2007-02-02 06:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by jessica l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is to blame here but your husband. He should have better sense than to continue patronizing her. We all have crosses to bear, be it cancer or whatever! He has a primary responsibility, you and the new family he chose to accept. He has to be a man and accept his new responsibilities. Make him see that what he is doing is damaging your relationship. Don't let your guard down or she will eventually destroy your marriage.
2007-02-02 06:55:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the child support changed.
Do not let your husband to gulited into doing everything for her.
2007-02-02 06:52:58 · answer #10 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋