I have found myself thinking about sex with men a lot lately. I have never had sex with another man but I would very much like to. I'm very fearful of disease and I'm not into gay guys. I'm happily married for the most part so I would like to find another married guy where we can be exclusive and not expose our wives to possible disease.
I hate the idea of cheating on my wife but we have been married 30+ years and rarely have sex any more. I have found I fantasize about men a lot and very rarely woman, which I used to do exclusively. I 'm only attracted to very manly men, like myself. I have no idea how to approach another man on the subject without getting my lights punched out.
2007-02-02 06:30:26 · 34 answers · asked by Jeff 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hope you at least have the decency to tell your wife and let her go that is very very sad. Disease or not is is called cheating.
2007-02-02 06:34:09 · answer #1 · answered by peeps 4 · 2⤊ 4⤋
Ill tell ya what..
That exact scenario is what caused my divorce. If you are a gay man you need to get a divorce. If you cant handle a monogamous relationship with your wife- get out now. If you have kids, I pray you will get therapy. My kids just found out their dad was gay when I was married and they cant believe I let them go there. They think it is sick and don't want anything to do with him (I wasn't the one who told them either). You need to decide what you want and if you choose men over your wife, you need to leave her out of your lifestyle and divorce her immediately. Even if she was sympathetic in the beginning, your marriage will never be the same again and you will lose her anyway.
What you are talking about is very scary and you are risking your family for a sick fantasy. Please seek help now. By involving a married man in your sin, you will be ruining another marriage as well. Think of the children and the consequences.
2007-02-02 07:25:29 · answer #2 · answered by Tink 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Please explain the following statement : "I have found myself thinking about sex with men a lot lately. ....I'm not into gay guys"
Last time I checked, men who have sex with men are gay - so how can you say you're "not into gay guys" when you want to "get into" another guy??
In any case, it's not my place to judge you...
Here are some suggestions about finding a married guy who wants to have sex with you.
In most big cities, there are what gay men call "tea rooms" - that is, public places, usually but not always public mens rooms, where guys who don't identify as gay have sex with other dudes.
These are usually in the same part of town where the openly gay men hang out - and they can also be in bus terminals and railroad stations.
In rural and suburban areas, go to the nearest large truck stop. A lot of truck drivers are like you - they have wives, but secretly like to have sex with men who claim they aren't gay.
Now, that's a heavy random scene - and you want monogamy.
But you're just going to have to go there, and use your condom, and fish around until you find a guy who wants a long term "non gay" sexual relationship with you.
You might also want to try Craigslist http://www.craigslist.com
There are a lot of dudes on there looking for sex - just write out an ad describing what you're looking for and you might find the man of your dreams.
Good luck (and, on the real, I hope that one day you come out of closet - you'll be a lot happier - just ask former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey -he's become a new man since he came out of closet, left his wife and married another man)
2007-02-02 06:42:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Not into gay guys but want to be with one?
Happily married but fantasize ONLY about men?
Want to find a MARRIED man that will be gay with you?
Do you see what's wrong with this picture???
Dude, you're gay. Deal with it.
Tell your wife what you are or have become and set her free. She deserves to be happy with a MAN... a MAN who wants to be ONLY with her and nobody else.
I have nothing against gay people, but you should not cheat on your wife with anybody, much less another gay man. That is the lowest of low to have to deal with. Let her go before you find another man, then you won't be cheating.
2007-02-02 06:52:24 · answer #4 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You need to talk to your wife about this maybe she'll consider a strap on or other things BEFORE YOU CHEAT.After her being faithful for 30 yrs don't you have enough respect for her for that.Maybe you just miss your father.Their is obviously something wrong with your marriage & if not how would you feel if she did this to you and you found out after the fact?30 yrs is along time to spend with one person maybe she's bored with you to and you both can bow out with out loosing a 30yr freindship!!Be honest !!SHE HAS INVESTED HER WHOLE LIFE TO LOVING YOU & YOU TOO.Don't mess it up,who knows maybe she'll try you know what and inspire your lovelife all over agian.If you just want to be with men, you should get a divorce anyway!After 30yrs you realy think she won't find out? Your stupid becuase she will,& by then it'll be ugly, you can believe that.Don't hurt you both like this PLEASE, be honest.
2007-02-02 06:56:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to let go of your wife. Obviously you have been always been gay and in huge denial. You don't just switch over. Do yourself and your wife a favour. Get divorced. Be open and and honest to yourself and to her. You are not doing yourself a favour and I wonder why you have been with your wife for 30 yrs-thats a long time invested. You are not being anyway considerate to your wife by being with a married man-get real!
Get divorced NOW. Your wife deserves better.
2007-02-02 06:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by angiegurl30 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You say your happily married for the most part but yet are seeking advice on how to find a manly man to have sex with.
I think you need to go re-evaluate what happily married is!
2007-02-02 06:37:37 · answer #7 · answered by Bridgette B 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
My my my most straight guys want to have sex with gay men like me but you should respect your wife she gave you her heart,dreams,hopes, and wishes don't break them now if you still want to do it ask her if she into it spice up your guys love life you don't have to be gay you maybe bi which is fine but let her know on how you feel that what lovers do OK they talk about on how they feel so I hope you take mine and these nice people ideas and toughts don't break her heart a wife heart is the most rarest thing in the world it must be loved for cared for now good luck on what your looking for my good friend
2015-08-10 02:40:43 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest reconsidering the option of a possible gay partner. If you are able to get past your stereotyped view of what a gay man is, you will have a fairly good chance of finding what you're looking for. As for avoiding disease, I'd suggest practicing safe sex, regardless of who you find.
2007-02-02 06:35:26 · answer #9 · answered by SDTerp 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with SD Terp, but I think you should have a dialog with your wife. She deserves to know where you are at emotionally with her, your sex life with her... You are not happy... You are married, you are supposed to talk about what's on your mind! You shouldn't keep things (especially things this big) from your partner! It's OK that you have this need/interest... You should be as honest with yourself and your wife!
2007-02-02 11:13:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am suprised you supressed your desire for the same sex for sooo many years. This desire is not something that you got all of a sudden.
You are being dishonest not only to your wife with your intentions but to yourself for living a life not compatible with your dreams for 30+years.
2007-02-02 06:47:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋