I love him and care for him, but I never feel like he connects with me. We work different shifts and we rarely talk unless I start a conversation. We rarely laugh or talk about anything interesting. We havent even been married two years and I feel like I may have made a mistake. Is there someone who I should be looking for who would be better for me or accept that there isnt anyone out there who would be these things for me I think I want/need.
2007-02-02 05:32:18 · 41 answers · asked by lllll 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried talking to him about it but he told me he gave up trying to please me and since then I have had my doubts about us.
2007-02-02 05:36:14 · update #1
You should make a viddeo tape pleading for him to connect with you and that you are losing a lova a best friend.
2007-02-03 04:28:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u know the first years are tough. the thing u have to realize is what "u" want. can u be happy with him? can u change things around? dont give up if there's no other reasons. try talking to him, do something interested during the weekend. buy some new langerie! don't let ur life with him become a routine. besides, a relationship is never perfect, but u can always work it out. try changing ur shift at work. even though it may seem hard, it isn't. good luck. but listen, there's no perfect relationship, if u do divorce, after some years u could be here complaining again about someone else!
2007-02-02 05:40:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless he is abusing you in some way or cheating on you, marriage is a commitment. Working through these tough times is what makes the marriage stronger and more fullfilling. Try your best to get him to go to marriage counseling or else go by yourself for a while. You would be amazed how much simple and small changes can change a marriage for the better. There could be things that you two just aren't realizing and counseling would be a great help. At any rate, your communication between you and your husband is perilously depleted. Fix that or at least attemp to fix it, and your victory will be that much sweeter. In fact it helps just to think of eachother as team mates with the common goal of making your marriage work. Good relationships take so much work. If they didn't no one would ever get a divorce. Take some time to think about your situation and all of your options. Good luck with this. I hope some of what I said made sense. Again, good luck!
2007-02-02 05:40:49 · answer #3 · answered by Yomi 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The grass is always greener..... Does he love you? If so talk to him about your feeling and maybe get counseling. Men tend to withdraw when they do not know what to do. It isn't right but we have never been trained to share our feelings the way women do. It is looked on as a weakness if a man shares his feelings with another man so instead we crawl into our caves and hope we can find an answer there. If you love him and want things to work you will need to drag him out of the cave and teach him how to talk. Don't look for this quality in another man, more than not you will be disappointed.
2007-02-02 05:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by diogenese_97 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should try and work things out. You have only been married for 2 years and no it is not easy but if you sit and talk to him about the way you feel than maybe you can hang on to your marriage. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I have been with my husband for three years and I would have to say that the second year was really tough but we stuck it thru and now things are great. I felt the same as you do and I was thinking of leaving but I am so glad that I didn't.
2007-02-02 05:38:15 · answer #5 · answered by tinkerbell 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is hard work. It takes two not just you. It should not be just you trying to bridge the gap between you. I know that you feel like you are always starting conversations, have you told him this?
Is there something that might be bothering him or you? Connections starts with conversation and if he doesn't want to open up to you, then you need to do some thinking about the marriage.
Another thing could be counseling
2007-02-02 05:36:17 · answer #6 · answered by Army Gal 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try talking to your husband about how you feel. Perhaps he doesn't know how to connect with you. There must have been a connection there before, you've just lost sight of it what with work and life getting in the way. Take time out for each other and see if you can bring the spark back.
2007-02-02 05:39:11 · answer #7 · answered by imnot_thegirl_nextdoor 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I know things are hard right now, but they will get better. You should sit down with him when you both have time and talk about this. Think of the past between you guys and think of all the good things that got you to the point of wanting to spend the rest of your lives together. Maybe you 2 should take a nice romantic weekend trip and rekindle the spark that you guys once had.
2007-02-02 05:38:42 · answer #8 · answered by ANGEL 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's funny, but your question is all about ME...my needs, my interests. Marriage takes work, relationships take work. Have a serious talk with your husband about your feelings and come up with some concrete ways the two of you can work on it together. Get the book, the proper care and feeding of husbands and the proper care and feeding of marriage by Dr. Laura. Why is it so much easier for you to consider looking elsewhere, you must have chosen this guy for some reason, right? Are you afraid of a little hard work?
2007-02-02 05:37:28 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hun you have to understand that you guys work two different shifts. try to set a date night once a week for you guys and go to some counseling. that might help with the issues you guys are having. and if you can't go together then you go and let everything off your chest. you need to decide if you want to make it work or if you just want to give up.try adding a lil spice and spontaneity in your relationship. ot sounds like you are not happy with him at all. if you don't want to try and make it work then talk to him and explain to him how you feel. if you do get divorced don't go looking for someone right away because you will probably settle for someone just as long as they fill that void in your life. i wish you the best of luck and if anyone tries to put you down for feeling this way don't listen to them.you feel alone and ababndoned by your husband and there is nothing wrong with that.
all my friends and family tak to me about things like i am their therapist and i don't knwo how manny times i've heard this. sometimes it's just not meant to be and sometimes it just takes a lil work.
just ask yourself if you are without him...... would you want him back or would you be just fine not seeing his face everyday?
2007-02-02 05:40:58 · answer #10 · answered by ber-ber21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you told him how disconnected you feel? Maybe he feels the same way? You have to get the courage to talk about this with him,what have you to lose, a marriage? The last thing you need to be thinking about is if there is someone else out there, or that you will never find anyone. Don't let negative thought's drain you. Concentrate on yourself and solving your problem, by being brutally honest with your husband.
2007-02-02 05:40:04 · answer #11 · answered by velvet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋