She's been chatting with a guy over messenger for almost a year in a more than friendly way. We have two children and have been married almost two years. If she gos with him they'll move many states away and I will rarely get to see any of them. I love her with all that I have. She is still very much undecided on a final decision. Not that she can make one now as to the fact that he is overseas in the Middle East. I need some feedback.
2007-02-02 05:03:33 · 44 answers · asked by Clinton M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
gather all the proof you can, see a divorce lawyer. cover your assets so she can't get to 'em.
when she's gone, change the locks, throw her clothes out the window and don't let her in the house.
2007-02-02 05:07:00 · answer #1 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like u still have a chance. I always say a marriage takes work but it will only work if the two of u want it to work. I know u say u love her so you'll do your best right? Well, first try and find out why she was driven to start the online affair. There has to be deeper issues going on here. Try to resolve them together by sitting down and having an honest, adult like conversation. Ask her what u need to do to make things better and really listen to her. Listening can work wonders, you may discover who your wife really is now and what she feels she is lacking whether its attention, feeling like a woman not just a mom, or sexual passion. A lot of marriages who don't make time for the spouse away from the children lose that " passion " or flame that they once had.
2007-02-02 05:09:40 · answer #2 · answered by madmomma 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, !st of all be sure to get documentation of this ongoing affair allbeit "friendly" atm and it will be her worrying about how far the kids are away. I know that sounds mean but, believe me if you feel you are losing her....Divorces are never or rarely simple. Remember she is the one who is being unfaithful and if what you say is true you have kept your vows and should continue to do so. I am sure you don't need to be told that people say allot over the Internet and never follow through just, be prepared. I understand when someone you loves starts showing signs that there love is waining but, these things happen and we get through them and if you come out on top the heartbreak part is much easier to deal with. I know it sounds selfish but, look out for #1 and when you are feeling selfish or cruel remember she made an vow to you. Vows I take very seriously not to mention the problems that the children will in-counter.
2007-02-02 09:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by thadrizzle2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to speak with her and see what she wants, why your relationship hasnt been working for her and so on? Unfortunatly when we push people to make a decision, they either do and make the wrong one or do and its not the decision you've been hoping for. Do you really want to be with a person who's not real sure if they want to be with you, to run off with a man from the Middle East, I would hope that she didnt take your children, thats just unspoklen of. When she starts talking about the other man I would get out of the relationship and take your kids with you. If you can love once, you can love again, if not better and stronger than before.
2007-02-05 14:41:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question is what? When you're wife is the one that's unfaithful, she's already made her final decision, she wants to be with him. So you waiting is a waste of time, you tell her right now that if she leaves you want custody of the children, they're better off with you anyway. She's married and she's chatting to a man that she doesn't even know exists? While she's chatting who takes care of the children? Get custody and let her go if she wants to. You're better off, and you'll find someone else. Make her choose now you're not waiting for her to make a choice. It's either you or the this other guy, that's even willing that you will forgive her. If she's doing this now chances are that she will again. You have to do what's best for the children, when she finds someone again is she going to neglect them too? She isn't worth keeping. Good luck hon!
2007-02-02 05:21:21 · answer #5 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, I know it's hard, but GET A GRIP! It's all about strategy.
Since I am not there, I can not say what her reasons are for behaving the way she is, so I am just going to advise you from your side. Start looking at the reality. If it's not this guy, it's probably going to be another one. Cheaters are cheaters are cheaters. It's very rare that someone like that can come back into a relationship and make it work, unless you can get her to go to a marriage counselor and convince her to get off that computer 100%.
I mean, think about it, has she even met this guy? She doesn't even really know this guy and she is going to bring him into your kid's life? She could be endangering your children's lives. I hate to be so harsh here, but what I recommend is that you stop feeling sorry about the loss of this selfish wife of yours and start thinking about the safety of your kids.
#1 If possible start documenting everything that she is doing.
That means getting copies of her emails and her "boyfriend's" emails saying that they are planning on taking the children far away from where you live.
#2 Get as much information as you can showing that they met on the internet and that they have never met in person.
#3 Get proof as to how much TIME she spends on the internet with this guy and NOT taking care of your kids
#4 Make sure that your job is secure and that you will be able to take care of your kids.
#5 Talk to your family, your friends about the problem and start gathering witnesses (of course don't tell them what you are planning) because you are going to have to go through a battle for the kids. You might feel embarrassed now, but when you have your kids in the end, you'll feel alot better. And when her new guy finds out that they are going to have to pay YOU child support, he might not be so anxious to take your wife on.
#6 Talk to a lawyer. First consultations are usually free.
The Art of War says never to tell your Enemy more than you need to so don't let her know what you are doing. Just quietly gather all of this information in preparation. Once you have it all together, I would shock her and slap a divorce on her before he gets back and ask for custody of the kids before he gets back so that they can not take the kids out of the state. Then it is settled.
Sorry to be so harsh, but sometimes you just have to be realistic and use a pre-emptive strike.
2007-02-02 05:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by themerchantprincess 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk with her and tell her that you love her and want to work things out but she has to decide now if she is willing to at least try.
Offer to go the counseling to get help but let her know that she has to make the decision shortly and she must cut all ties with this other guy. Make it known to her that if she is not willing to try and work things out, her only option is to leave and find herself. Let it be known also (if your willing), that the children will remain with you until she has established her own place and is ready to divorce. There is no use in uprooting the children when her future is not stable, it will only hurt them in the end .
Hopefully, it will snap her into reality and make her see that you mean business and what she is doing is not right. If there is any love left for you she'll agree to work things out, if she refuses then you'll know the love you once had is gone.
2007-02-02 05:18:01 · answer #7 · answered by trojan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as the french say "Ce La Vie". It's your wifes decision what she wants to do, but i think in the end she'll realize that the middle east is NOT the place to be right now. also when people meet online it's ALOT different then when they meet in real life. In my experience i've NEVER met ANYONE who had a successful relationship with someone they met online. And if she leaves i'd seriousley get a divorce, then you can try to fight for the rights of posessing your children. you don't want THEM to goto the middle east! I hope it works out
good luck
2007-02-02 05:09:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is already making plans, she has already stepped out of the marriage. She has removed herself from you emotionally and from the family. Don't you deserve better? Don't your children? Children are the real victims here. Speak with a Therapist. If she won't do it with you ,do it by yourself. The courts will look favorably on this. Courts will determine how often you will see your children. If you don't or can't take full custody go for dual custody. If you feel the marriage can't be saved or she refuses to try, get out . Save your children the pain. Your pain will heal and you will love again. The scars that are left on a child last a lifetime and beyond.
2007-02-02 05:19:37 · answer #9 · answered by double_klicks 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know you love your wife, but you are giving her all the power in this relationship by allowing HER to decide if SHE wants to stay with you. First, you need to contact an attorney and find out what your parental rights are for your kids. Why do you just assume your wife will be allowed to keep the kids with her? It doesn't sound to me like your wife much cares for you or your kids, but is only concerned about this sick internet affair she's having. That's another thing you should bring up to the attorney. Your wife's mental state because she's having an online affair with this man - has she ever met him in person? Don't just lie there letting this woman ruin your life and your kids' lives! Stand up for yourself and your kids - find out what rights YOU have in this mess she's created! I guarantee you that if you don't grow a spine and stand up to this two-bit floozy, later on you're going to regret it and hate yourself for being such a wus. Grow a pair and get on with your life and let this witch go. If she's cheated on you once, she'll do it again. Move on and find a life for yourself because she sure doesn't care about you or your happiness only her own selfish needs and wants.
2007-02-02 08:03:18 · answer #10 · answered by saylavie2u2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your description is just about my case, i´m sorry man!!
I´m going to tell you what i did.
1) I asked myself if i wanted to keep the kids or just live the marriage. My answer was that i wanted to keep the kids, not because i was so mad and wanted revenge. I wanted them because i truly wanted to rise them.
2) I visited my lawyer and told him my intentions. I got all the hard proof i could that proved that my wife was having an affair. It took me about 6 months. E-mails, cellular texts send, telephone records and finally photographs. All the time you need to act cool so she can relax and live some stupid traces. Also you need some witnesses, not related to you in any way.
3) Gave everything to my lawyer and we asked for divorce, full custody without visitation.
4) I took my kids for therapy ( they are 11 and 6) so they could be better prepared for their new life. We got closer to God and always our prayers involved the best wishes for Mom. Like it or not she will always be Mom.
5) The judge grant me divorce, full custody and partial visitation. I " gave" my ex a car and $20,000 which is a bargain.
6) The first 2 months were rough for the kids, but with my commitment and must of all with Gods help
now everything is going our way.
I´m not suggesting you should do what i did, it´s just my experience and the way i see things.
My wife lives by herself in a small rented condo, her dating partner is out of the picture, but i honestly hope she gets on her feet.
I hope God help you in you desicion making, just do something
2007-02-02 06:25:45 · answer #11 · answered by adsomx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋