I cheated on my wife in the past (few times), was on drugs, partyed and slept out often, even got arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. I was a real jerk! for couple of years.
l confessed to all I did and we sort of worked things out. The problem is that she continues to dwell in the past, I also drink over the weekends and she is totally against that. I enjoy 3-4 beers and need her to understand that. Ambition is another issue, I feel as though she does not support my ambitions.
Everytime I talk about the ideas I have, she seems not too keen, I feel as though she just brushes the conversation aside. What do you think? I know that I did wrong and try to make her trust and belive me. I have been clean for 3 years now, and as God is my witness~I have made 380 turn around.
2007-02-02 04:40:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hmmm......380........
She is clearly the smarter of the two of you. And you're lucky she's still there. S.T.F.U. and do as she says! Good women are hard to find. If I was a chick I would have ran you off.
by the way....180 deg numb nuts! hehehehehehe
2007-02-02 04:47:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good one you for cleaning up your act. Know all you have to do is convince your wife that you are going to stay clean. take your wife out for a nice dinner and talk to her tell her how you feel exactly like you have here on answers. You have to try and make her understand that you love her deeply and you want her to trust you. these are not just words they are what & who you are now. Ask her what she now wants from your relationship and see if you both can come to some agreement to support each other. Be careful not to sound like you are blaming her for anything because that will only blow things up. Just let her know her support would be appreciated. Thank her for being there for you when you were a jerk before, let her know you really appreciated.
Good Luck
2007-02-02 13:00:53 · answer #2 · answered by Donna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you! First I would like to ask if you go out on the weekends to drink? If you do maybe she is afraid you will go back to your 'old self'. Try staying home and having a few beers there. Take it slow. You hurt her and she is going to need time to heal and to trust you again. I have to give her credit that she is staying with you. I have to give you credit for spilling your guts. As for your ambitions... take baby steps. She may be thinking you are blowing wind. Try proving to her things as you accomplish your goals. It's going to be hard but she'll come around and see that you have changed. Stick to your ambitions not just for her but for yourself. No body can take that away from you and it's not fair that she is brushing you off. She's just hurt.
2007-02-02 12:51:09 · answer #3 · answered by Karen A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are one world class loser dude. You got more self-made problems then McDonalds has French Fries.
And you can't make a 380 turn around when only 360 degrees are possible. And if you did , you would be right back where you started.
2007-02-02 12:47:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are feeling frustrated. You have worked hard to change and your wife is unable to see you through your past. You have a need for love, encouragement, affirmation and intimacy, and her unforgiveness and resentment are blocking this. You perhaps are feeling judged and as if she wants to keep you down as punishment for all the things she thinks you did to her.
You are unable to change her. You may suggest that she attend a few Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon is a program that offers support, tools and a fellowship of men and women whose lives have been affected by someone elses drinking or drug abuse and the behaviors and attitudes that come with it whether the qualifier is using or not. It is so your wife can focus on herself and learn to let go of past resentments and to treat others, including you, with respect.
When an AA guy heard I was in AL-Anon, he asked me what that was. I replied "It's a fellowship for the friends and families of alcoholics where we learn to take care of ourselves and to get off your back. We stop monitoring your drinking, stop pouring your alcohol down the drain and stop hassling you."
You may also choose to consider couples counselling or at least counselling for yourself. It is difficut to live a new life when you feel like someone treats you with sarcasm, resentment and unforgiveness.
Good for you on chaging your behavior. Go out and live and find friends that can be there for you without bringing up the past. Follow your dreams and be kind to yourself.
The past is only good for two things: to remember it with nostalgia, or to learn from it (without judgment). Anything else is unproductive and crazy making.
The past is done, the future is promised to no one, now is all we ever have. ENJOY!
2007-02-02 13:03:47 · answer #5 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pull your head out of your butt. Knock off the boozing. If you're saying you like 3 or 4 drinks on the weekend, everyone knows it's 6 or 8.
And get a real job, make real money, pay real bills and maybe you'll get real respect. It's not that hard. We reap what we sow.
2007-02-02 12:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by FatElvis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling would be best for the two of you. If you married her, it's worth fighting through the rough patches. I'm proud that you were able to make a turn around. Keep talking to her. Communication and love are the keys.
2007-02-02 13:26:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
380 degree turnaround is hard to digest..there are only 360 degrees in a circle so you went too far. Why not sit with her and have a serious chat about you, her, and where you are going in the future? maybe you guys gotta clear the air and start all over.
2007-02-02 12:44:57 · answer #8 · answered by J.M.C 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
We will take your word for it she is the one you need to convince. Some times the turn around comes too late just be glad you made it in time.
2007-02-02 12:46:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Prove to her that you're willing to put your ideas to good use. And not by sitting around talking about them.
2007-02-02 12:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋