stuck in this life?

Question

i just graduated college in december and moved home, 500 miles from school. two things are really bothering me-i am in love with this girl, (i'm a bi female) who used to kind of like me but chose to be with someone else over me bc i was moving away. now, she wants nothing to do with me. but i can't forget her bc she is too special to me. secondly, i live with my widowed mother and most of my friends from this city have moved away, there is nothing to do and its a northern city so it's very cold. i'm trying to find a job but it is hard. so i've just been spending a lot of time doing nothing and feeling worthless. my friends want me to move in with them, near where we went to school but i can't leave my mother all alone. she told me w/o me she is very depressed/lonely. what should i do?

Answer 1

what does your mother do? Maybe there's a place you could both move to together.

Answer 2

Be patient, give yourself time with this change. It's winter and most people get a little down. When spring hits things will get better. If you have the need t be near your friends, maybe you and your mom could move closer to them. Probably not the easiest thing to do I am sure, just a thought. Does your mom have any friends that she can get together with? that might help her out her slump. Sooner or later she is going to have to let you be your own person and do what you have to do. Sit down and try to explain how this makes you feel.

Answer 3

When my father passed away it was just me living at home. My 2 older brothers had already moved out and were married and settled with their families. I was only 22 at the time this happened but I stayed for 5 years with my mother while she was widowed. It was the worst 5 years of my life to be honest with you. I know that sounds terrible but it was like I was locked up in a jail cell because she always wanted and needed me nearby. Basically, I never went out and on the off chance that I did go out to the clubs with my friends, she would wait up for me and give me the biggest guilt trip each time I walked back in through the door after having a bit of fun with the girls. She just did NOT want me to exist without her. She did not want me to have fun. She wanted me to live her life with her, and only her. It was terrible, just terrible. After 5 years I left and still have not heard the end of it almost 10 years after the fact. Anytime I did anything without her or just wanted to go out she would throw my father's death in my face and try to make me feel even worse than I already did about it. I don't know what to say to you but you will have to definitely set some boundaries and let your mother know that you still have a life regardless of if you choose to stay and live with her. I think you need to be around some friends right now just to get your spirits back up and to move on from your past relationship as well. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Try getting some 'therapy' from someone who knows and approves of your bi-sexualism. It sounds to me like you are depressed, since the 'actions' you describe are 'closing you in tighter and tighter' ... and it may be that you simply have to tell your mother that you are all 'grown up' and can't stay home with her simply because she's 'depressed/lonely' without you, and that she also needs to see her own therapist. Once you have dealt with your own depression, whether your mother's is dealt with or not, it's time for you to 'move out and move on' ... but you should also be sure that you 'keep tabs' on what your mother is doing, and encourage her to 'get out and make some new friends' when you are out and on your own.

Answer 5

I think once you get a job and get more involved in life, you will start to feel better. I think you have to accept the fact that the girl made her decision to be with someone else. I'm sure it hurts, but a long distance relationship is very difficult and apparently she needed someone who was going to be there. Spend time with your freinds and start making a new life for yourself in this city. I think it's very kind of you to stay with your Mom. Good luck gertting adjusted.