How do I get a divorce?

Question

Thanks to everyone that answered my last question. By far the most common answer was I should divorce my wife. I agree. I realize I have no way to avoid hurting her. Any suggestions on how I can best go about doing this? Should I get a lawyer from the start or should I try to work it out with my wife first? Should I leave immediately - having a place setup first? ....???? I'm looking for suggestions on how to best go about doing this. Anything that makes it easier on both of us would be helpful.

Answer 1

I did not see your earlier question until just now.
I am with you that I would not live in a marriage without sexuality.
After putting up with her attitude for so long you may want to tread lightly with this one.
Staying around for this long I'd bet she does not think it is important enough for you to leave. I also do not think she understands how lonely she will be in a house alone.
Try to find a short term furnished apartment maybe 6 months.
Pack up and move out. Let her know that you have had enough of a marriage without sex, which really means without intimacy.
It is that physical intimacy that you are missing. She does not understand that which is why she said go ahead and get your sex elswhere because to her it is just sex. Tell her this does not have to go this way but she has to change to get you back home.
That includes, love,affection , intimacy and sex. Give her a couple months to figure out what she has driven you to and there might be some change. If not you are out. After 4 months you can inquire if she likes this arrangement.

If so see a lawyer and file. If she wants to work on it she will have let you know by now.

I think it is important that you give her one LAST opportunity to understand that you will not accept her present attitude for another year or longer of marriage. You may have threatened
but she has not figured out that you are serious. It may be true that she likes it just the way it is. If so you need to be out for a while anyway.

To date you seem to have done things in the honorable way. You have not cheated and stayed around until the kids were gone.
Don't blow it now. Give her the view of life alone which she has given you for a while. Do a trial seperation with a time limit. If it does not work out get the divorce and papers final before you start looking for a new partner. You do not want a rebound lover anyway. This is perhaps the perfect situation for a trial seperation.
That means finding out if your differences are better solved with a seperation.

Do this right and you could see a serious change. If not your details will be handled. You will be far better off in the long run
by doing it this way. All above board, not cheating, divorced with no legal issues or entanglement and free to pursue whoever you like without reproach.

In the big picture my impression is that you really do not want to do this but are forced to or accept another 20 years of a marriage with no affection. This could change her attitude and keep your home together. Ultimately that should be the goal.

This sounds like another case of woman as mother and no comprehension that she must be woman as WIFE and mother.
I know that the type of love and affection a woman shows is far different for children and a spouse. Maybe she does not understand the difference.

Answer 2

If you think there is a change for reconcilliation, perhaps you should try couples therapy. Marriage is about team work and nothing about it is every easy. Sit down with your wife and have a chat. If you think you can work it out, you should definitely give it a try. It certainly can't hurt!

If you come to a point where you guys decide the therapy isn't working, and you want to get a divorce, there are always a few key things to keep in mind. How will you divorce? Do you both agree that it's time to split? If so, this will be a MUCH cheaper route for you. I am currently going through an uncontested (meaning, we both agree on it) divorce, and the only cost so far has been about $200 (he paid) to have an attorney help him with the paperwork. And really, you don't even need to do that. You can go to your local book store and find a how-to packet that will give you detailed instructions on how to fill out the paper work. In instances such as this, you don't really even need a lawyer (if you both agree on who takes what, how things will be split, etc)

Unfortunately in a situation like this, everyone is going to get hurt...there's really no way to avoid it. It's a traumatic experience, to say the least. It will be much easier for you though, if you both can try not to let your emotions get involved (which isn't easy, mind you)

If you decide to divorce, you need to make sure you have everything in order. Decide who will get the things in your home, who will keep the house if you have one (or will you sell it?) who will keep the car..etc etc. I can only speak for myself when I say that I wish I had my life in better order when my husband and I split. Everything was a mess. I barely had money of my own, I had an unstable job, and I had to move back in with my mother! I wish I had been more prepared (but really, who ever goes into a marriage expecting to get divorced?)

There was so much emotion involved. So much bitterness and hatred. Things were not done in a proper way. We did things and said things out of hurt and frustration, that we probably could have avoided if we had just let things cool down. If you are able to, put a buffer between the two of you. Give yourself a cooling down period before you decide ANYTHING. You'd be suprised how much easier things will be when you're not writhing with anger and disappointment.

It's been almost a year for us, and we're finally to the point where we can communicate like adults instead of like children.

One thing you will have to remember though, is that things will be alot messier if she does not agree to the divorce. If you are the one asking for it, most of the burden will be put on you. You should DEFINITELY look up the divorce laws for your state, as they vary from one place to another. Here in ky it's 50/50, meaning even though my husband paid for a great deal of the stuff I have a right to half of it. You also might be expected to pay alimony or spousal support, depending upon wether or not your wife worked.

Do as much research as possible!! Being prepared is the best thing you could possibly do. If your divorce is like most people's, it won't be pretty, so be prepared to be drained emotionally. (as if you could really prepare yourself for that)

That's the only advice I can give based on my own experience. I'm sure there are people here who can give you better advice. I just wanted to give you my point of view. I wish you the best of luck. It's not going to be easy. You have a long hard road ahead of you.

Answer 3

Well to get a divorce and make it legal you need a lawyer so he can file for divorce for you. But before I got a divorce I would make sure I had somewhere to go and have some cash availble in case I needed something. But be ready to pay for alot and depending on how your state laws are you might have to give your wife half of everything you have and if you have kids have to pay child support. So think about it first before you go thru it. It might cost you alot. But after you don't have to worry about it.

Answer 4

1. Hire a lawyer.
2. Do what your lawyer says to do.

Answer 5

Just glaze your eyes over then bring him a sandwich & a beer. Sit by his feet & stare blankly into space. A nervous tic might be a nice touch too. You'll scare him to death ! Not only will he go get you more chocolates but he'll sleep with one eye open for the next week.

Answer 6

See lawyer first.

Answer 7

how ironic you would ask a quetion like that. i'm going thru the same thing. my husband already knows how unhappy i am. now i've made my mind that divorce is the answer. now i need to know how to tell him and what to do next. i have 3 teenage kids and i don't want my kids to hate me. what to do???? any sugesstions???

Answer 8

If there are children involved keep them as your first priority.
call a lawyer,

Answer 9

Find a divorce attorney & an apartment.

Answer 10

talk to a lawyer... see what a lawyer suggests