I fell out with my mother in law a couple of years ago and although we both make the effort when we are together for my husbands sake she has openly admitted she does not like me and things are very strained. I had some bleeding last week and have been told to avoid stress. I know visiting will be stressful but I dont want to let my husband down.
2007-02-02 03:11:21 · 25 answers · asked by Boo 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I know where you're coming from. I dislike my father-in-law and when I am near him I want to rip my arm off just so I have something to throw at him :) But, I went to his house when I got pregnant with my husband...out of respect for my husband. I knew it would mean a lot to him.
2007-02-02 03:16:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you already sound like you are stressing yourself out over it. Try to relax about it, after all it's good news - you are giving them a grandchild. I don;t know the full story but the way i see it you have a few options.
stay at home and let him do it alone, although you shouldn't worry what they'll think - you do because they are your husband's parents. I'd avoid this if you can manage it.
You could invite them over to yours (if this is something you don't normally do they'll be expecting some kind of news or reconcilliation?) That way if it all goes pear shaped - your hubby could suggest you go for a lie down upstairs and you can get out of the way fast.
Whatever you choose - discuss it with your husband and don't do anything you don't want to. Personally i'd see this as good way to mend relationships and wouldn't give them any ammunition to use against you.
If they see you making the effort and know you are fragile they are more likely to support you.
Ask your mother-in-law advice on baby issues, talk to her about when your husband was a baby and you might be surprised to find they are more accepting of you, after all you are carrying their grandchild.
Best of luck.
2007-02-02 06:08:02 · answer #2 · answered by mammmia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always call them. Be sure to let them know you are BOTH on the phone lines and tell them the good news together. You can excuse yourself from the conversation, hang up to go to the restroom, or some other pregnant lady excuse, and let your husband talk to his parents further if he chooses.
It's okay to take Benadryl during your pregnancy, and I had to take it to deal with a family member every now and then. It's okay, ask your ob/gyn. Chill out with a good book or a DVD once you're off the phone, forget about it.
Your mother in law might treat you better knowing you are carrying her grandchild, she might not. You and your husband are going to have a baby. Your own family has to take priority over your mother in law, which she might not like, but that's too bad. You and hubbie MUST be a united front in dealing with her and he needs to lay down the law. Either she treats you with dignity and respect, or she can forget seeing her son and their grandchild.
Worked for us!
Congrats to you and your hubbie on your baby!! Don't let that unhappy woman cause you any stress, girl. She's just jealous that her baby found a wife and she's no longer his #1 woman. It's very common.
p.s. You husband should do what YOU want in terms of telling people. They're going to be all over you like white on rice, so it might as well be on YOUR terms, too. Just becasue they are his parents doesn't mean you have to go make nice when you don't feel like it. If you want to call then call, If you want him to do it then you are setting him up to be the "go between" forever.
2007-02-02 03:26:23 · answer #3 · answered by wwhrd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the best thing would be for you to be there. I know they absolutely do not recommend stressful situations during pregnancy. So if you think that the stress can have some negative influence on the pregnancy, it won't hurt anyone if you are not there to deliver the news. Just make sure your husband lets his mother in law know that you are happy to announce that she will be a grandmother also, but that you are on temporary bedrest. She might think you are a wuss for not being there in person, but there is nothing more important than the safety of your baby. Good luck hunny:)
2007-02-02 03:16:22 · answer #4 · answered by OhLa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think if it were me I would go with him because I think sitting at home wondering whats going on would kill me. But this just might be a chance to heal the wounds from the fall out with your MiL.The birth of a child can help because they will love the baby(and if they dont then you could cut them off) and you will love the baby so the baby can be a bridge to healing thus cutting down on future stress. Or your husband could call his parents on the phone and tell them the news and say that he's sorry but you have been too stressed and that he isnt going to risk your health on them being any to happy about it. This tells them that in your personal life he sides with you. So then if they want to see the grands they will have to play by his rules(your husbands). This is what I would want my husband to do but that can also lead to better understanding between you and them by opening discussion between the four of you.
2007-02-02 03:28:56 · answer #5 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going on what you said I think you should leave it to your husband. As much as it would be nice for you all to get on, if she's already said what she's said, my feeling is that why does she want to 'like' you just 'cos your having a baby...which is what she may do.
Grannies are bad enough when your on talking terms but if things are strained she could turn into a nightmare and it's up to your Husband to lay down the law for you both to enjoy this pregnancy.
Enjoy this time as it's quite magical and enjoy your baby when it arrives.
2007-02-02 21:16:11 · answer #6 · answered by aza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl..if your in-laws are anything like mine were then not being there with him to tell them will just put you further into the bad books. However you come first(since you are pregnant) and if you geniunely are concerned about the stress it will cause then let him go alone....alternatively could they not come to you so that its on your territory? Sometimes this can make it a lot easier (and more comfitable). Either way I wish you luck and perhaps this baby will help heal some rifts? x
2007-02-02 22:40:47 · answer #7 · answered by doodlebip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally have a tendency to hold a grudge. So would not even tell them i was pregnant. That way you avoid all the stress.
However that is just me.
I think maybe he should go and tell them alone but invite them over to see you the next day, that way the mother has the option of avoiding you and forcing niceness. And you aren't too stressed.
Good luck whatever you decide.
2007-02-02 03:33:27 · answer #8 · answered by Bex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you outta go. This new baby news may be the mending patch that you and her need. Sometimes God does things for a reason!
Plus, if you weren't there, it would be an obvious avoidance and if she were to act suprisingly happy about the new baby, you wouldn't know it. I think your out for a better outcome if you were to go and display the news as a man and wife. It's all about family anyways! Good luck!
2007-02-02 03:28:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me and it was not that long ago. I would ask my husband if he would be more comfortable with you there or if he feels he should do it by himself. I left it up to him, just like he left it to me to do what was right when my parents found out. It is more for support for your husband than it is to see how much you can push you mother-in-law.
2007-02-02 03:18:25 · answer #10 · answered by Monica T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋