How can I handle this?

Question

Okay, my husband and I were seperated for almost one year.We have two boys together, one of seven and one of three.While we were seperated, we both had another partner that we shared our lives with, so after deciding to reconciliate it has been kind of tough forgetting many things.It seems harder on him just to think that I had another Man in my life than he thinks is for me, which I do not agree with.It's been approximately 7 months that we are together, and I have had absolutely no contact with my ex-boyfriend, I do not need to because I know that it is not right.However, I look at my husband's Sprint Cell Phone "bill archive" often just to see who he has called, because as a woman you have those kind of instincts.Come to realize, there are three calls made to a particular number that I know is where his ex works at, because I have called and have heard her voicemail, so I know that it is her.Two of the calls lasted 1 minute and the third lasted 20 minutes.I do not know how to just..

call the woman and ask her why he has called her, and by the way, this happened around Christmas of last year, like a month or more ago, but still, I never knew about it.Should I call and speak to her personally? What should I say to her to get some information from her, like, why has he been calling you? I am not sure whether it's been that he just returns her calls because on his Sprint bill it shows some incoming calls but I can't see the number.I do not think that there is anything that they should be talking about even if they ended as "just friends".Many things about that I see are not right, so how can I deal with this for the best?

Answer 1

You should deal with your husband ONLY. Do not let this woman know she has this much control over your fragile reconciliation. Both of you should have ZERO contact with the other people involved in this mess. You/He cannot remain friendly with them. You both MUST discuss and develop ground rules or this will fail.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

So let me see if I understand you correctly.....A year ago you and your husband actually thought it would be a good idea to put your 6 year old and 2 year old through the anguish of watching Mommy and Daddy date other people? And now you're back together? WOW! But hey, I'm sure they are old enough to understand and appreciate everything that's going on. Right? (un-freakin-believable). In any event, if he is still talking to his ex girlfriend, and seeing as how you clearly don't trust him (otherwise you wouldn't SNOOP on his cell phone call history) then you might want to think why you got back together in the first place. You already tortured your kids with one break up. Are you just setting them up for another? I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I have to be 100% honest with you......I feel sorry for your kids. Clearly they're stuck with two parents who are childish, dishonest, and who clearly don't put them first. BOTH you and your husband need to take your heads out of your arce's and start thinking about what's best for your kids instead of being so selfish.

Answer 3

I believe..In order for a marriage to work, both spouses must be willing to cut off all contact with the opposite sex if their spouse feel that the other person is a threat to their marriage. Feelings just don't go away once you have made an emotional attachment to that person. The best thing for you to do is pray and seek god on what you should do. I believe that God is able and He is willing to restore your marriage, but both spouses must be willing. It's going to take time for healing and restoration to take place. I'm not saying what your husband did was right, however you both should sit down and create boundaries for your marriage.

Answer 4

First off I would not call this woman at all at east for right now. Check the bill again this month or next. Three calls wouldn't really alarm me to much especially if two read a minute. If you see it on the bill again, confront him. If he denies anything and or gets nasty about it. Let it go and then call her. Trust your gut.

Answer 5

If he's not willing to stop having any contact with this woman, your reconciliation is NEVER going to work. You need to sit him down and tell him that! You have had NO contact with your guy, in an effort to make it work, but he is not willing to do the same. It is mandatory that he stop with the last call he made, and never call her again. If he is not willing to stop, then you need to get a divorce.

Answer 6

I would confront your husband ask him why he is contacting his ex. If he trys to avoid the question then i would assume he is guilty. Sounds like you may both need a bit of councelling to get your marriage on track again. Your husband needs to sort out his priorities. comunication is the only way to go along with councelling.

Answer 7

Ouch.

I would call her. And I would ask, not accuse, what her relationship is with your hubby. You have a right to know.

It could be innocent.
It could be she doesn't know you guys are back together.
It could be she is his mistress.

I would then talk to hubby. And ask him. Again, don't accuse.

I happen to have female friends so it is possible that they are only friends. Try, try not to jump to conclusions. He did agree to try again...he could have just as easily said "No" and gone on with a divorce. That is, he could have had this woman all to himself and not have to sneak around. He didn't choose that...so give him the chance.

Good luck

Answer 8

Well honey i don't know if you would want to do this but maybe you should ask him if he really wants things work out or does he want to be back with his so called ex's i say it like that because he still talking with her, but honey ask him if this is what he want for you and him to make, if not to let you move on with your life and get your head on right . find you a new love reach for the sky honey not the hot lava you don't want that .

Answer 9

Well have you and him sit down and talk about the situation and tell him what you have found. Also tell him if he doesn't tell you, make sure to tell him you will call her and ask her. SO get it out in the open and talk about it and find out where you stand with him and esplain to him if you can forget he should too.

Answer 10

You need to confront him. Either he wants the marriage to work or he doesn't. As long as he is talking to her he is not full committed to the marriage. The two of you need to straighten this out now because there are children involved.