well sometimes it so hard to say no, its not always easy to discern if the person is just using you or he/she really has nobody to turn to. so when do we stop helping if you promised you are always there for that person?
2007-02-02 02:44:14 · 12 answers · asked by rinkumi 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
When you start to resent helping them. You can begin "helping" with a generous spirit and open heart, but some people, in fact a lot of people choose to make the same mistakes over and over again. It's a tough question to answer not knowing the particulars, whether they are repeatedly asking you for money, or emotional support. But whatever the case, your internal barometer is a pretty good thing to listen to. If you're feeling "used" it's time to re-evaluate this relationship. Don't see your promise in terms of black and white. I have friends I want to be there for too. But I won't be there for them to use my resources (emotional, financial, whatever) while they refuse to use theirs. Good luck.
2007-02-02 02:52:28 · answer #1 · answered by Caper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a really tough question,I put it to myself a couple of years ago when I did the same for my then best friend and it turned out she was using me and lying to me. So.....It`s hard to believe that someone could be so alone and has nobody to turn to. After all,what kind of problems could he/she have so bad he/she couldn`t manage by themselves? I don`t think it`s fair to be a burden for the one you call your friend. I would be careful how much I help even a friend. And if you need help,would that friend be there for you no matter what? Sorry, I am now much more careful,I think the only situation in which I would help almost everyone,not only my friend,would be health problems. Otherwise, don`t sacrifice yourself and don`t give everything for your friend.If he/she is your friend then he shouldn`t even ask you to do that or put you in difficult situations!
2007-02-02 10:54:23 · answer #2 · answered by NuclearKitty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you stop helping someone when helping becomes a burden.
help should be given wholeheartedly and sincerely. we don't only help people because we need to..but also because we want to. it is hard to tell if people are just taking you for a ride but it is easy to detect when they are already abusing your kindness.
sometimes, saying no also helps the person..it helps the person to learn how to find other means to help himself. it teaches him to be self sufficient and that is the best help you can give to others. there are situations when people need your help just because they really can't take care of their needs (like those who are ill) but there are limitations to that too.
point being here is this: help as much as you can without heaviness in your heart..but don't feel guilty when you can't help because of a valid reason.
goodluck
2007-02-02 10:57:14 · answer #3 · answered by TessA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this problem to the point where it began disrupting my life cause i was always dealing with other peoples issues. Finally i was told by a psychiatrist that i needed to tell these people that they needed to start dealing with thier own problems themselves and not ask me to fix their problems for them.
He basically said to start telling people NO! Flat out tell them NO you don't have the ability to help them everytime they come asking for money, a shoulder to cry on, the list could be endless for just about anyone.
Once i did this it was like the world's weight was lifted off of my shoulders and i could start enjoying life again.
Try this it might work for you as it sure did for me.
2007-02-02 10:50:01 · answer #4 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At some point you have to look at the fact of whether this person is taking you advice or not. If they are not or they seem to not want to change then you must make the decision to stop.
2007-02-02 10:48:43 · answer #5 · answered by erikamichellepayne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I beleive that if your helping someone does more of a hinder than helping at times. Soon the person tends to see you as a caregiver "Mummy" and cannot or will not help themselves anymore. The person doesn't do anything for hisself anymore as we have conditioned them for this. Interesting!!
2007-02-02 11:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by baggy0 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on what the situation is, sometimes not helping at all, is the best help you can give.
2007-02-02 10:48:38 · answer #7 · answered by TD R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on what your 'helping' is accomplishing, helping a friendto feed her kids is one thing, helping a friend to pay off her credit debt. so she can shop for more clothes is enabling--
tell her you want to try to help find ways for her to handle her own responsibilites. some people are in their 40's still needing help it never ends for them.
2007-02-02 10:52:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard and I understand but if you keep helping it could make a diffrence in ther life.
2007-02-02 10:51:47 · answer #9 · answered by scottsmith20 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as I find I am just being used.
2007-02-02 10:49:30 · answer #10 · answered by hmmm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋