Why are marriages so much WORK?

Question

Okay, so when you stop working on your marriage, it slowly starts to go downhill... Do you work everyday on your marriage? Is it harder with kids? (We have 3 kids and I think it is MUCH harder with kids.) Why is it so hard to communicate?

Answer 1

Marriage takes work regurally on both parts and sides... You both have to give and give more everyday and give selflessly and not selfishly... It is not harder with kids just a little more challenging... Communication skills take time and work too... You may need to get a book on Communicating with your spouse or talk to a counselor about it. yes marriage is full time but so is being a parent. Both take learning and trying to improve on to makes things better and a better spouse to your wife or husband or better parent to your children. I think if marriage as an adventure that my husband and i are on together... Along the way we may stumble and get tired BUT as long as we are together we can pick up and help each other along the journey together:) It is fun at times and not so fun BUT oh you learn so much along the way!!!! I love it!

Answer 2

It is so hard to communicate because nobody want's to hear it. But just keep letting them know how you feel and never give up. especially with the kids. But you have to work hard at the marriage all the time. But sometimes it looks like the more you do the less it look you have done. But the most important thing about a marriage is communication. Also make sure that you have some time off for yourself too. HAve the husband take the kids to pizza and you stay at home and just sit there and enjoy the peace. Bet when he gets back he'll tell you don't know how you do it. And tell him how and tell him also it would be easier for the both of you'll if he helped too.

Answer 3

It is a really big problem in today's world, simply because the world moves at a very fast pace. It wasn't like this 40 years ago. People had more time to spend with each other communicating.

People find it very difficult to adjust with the ever increasing speed of life. Also, with the increase in population, you have so much other crap to deal with like rush hour traffic, or just plain congestion of traffic on the road in the stores just everywhere. Which eats away at the time you have to accomplish any given task.

People get so damn stressed they just want to unwind when they get home and don't really feel up to doing anything but unwinding in front of the tv or playing a video game.

I know if i were married again and working a regular job instead of being retired like i am, instead of just having a live in girl friend
I think i'd have problems dealing with a marriage especially with kids involved.

My cousin who is married with children she and her husband finally gave up the city life and sold their house and went to wyoming and bought a ranch out in the country. Their marriage is so much better than it was before. The kids are much happier they communicate well together. It saved their marriage.

Answer 4

Wow, excellent question! I'd say that my wife and I do not actively work on our marriage every day, but we try to maintain habits that prevent decline. For example, we treat each other politely, we smile at each other, we hug, we say we love each other, we watch certain TV shows together, we usually eat together, we sleep in the same bed, we interact with and express love for our children, etc. Once in awhile, though, it does require work, when one person feels a hurt from feeling ignored or slighted somehow. Those are tough. And our marriage has not always been as strong as it is now, so there were periods when we went through what you seem now to be experiencing, when it seemed like a LOT of work. As for children, I honestly can't tell you if it's easier without them, because my wife already had a baby daughter when I met her. We've never been without a child in our 20 years of marriage.

Answer 5

Think about it for a minute. Anything worth having takes work. Even a freindship takes work for it to last. I agree with you that it is harder with kids because then your attention and energy has to be divided. I do work on my marriage daily and so does my wife. I guess for us, we have to try a little harder because we are both disabled and live with chronic pain. It doesn't take a lot of extra energy to be nice to your spouse and to try to think of the other person before you say or do things. It is a matter of respect and love for each other. Thinking before you speak can make a difference in how the 2 of you communicate. Yes, marriage takes work, but it is worth it to have a partner to live your life with.

Answer 6

See, the hassle with the "nicely, a brother and sister residing co-dependently ought to relish the comparable advantages" means that no 2 promptly human beings have *ever* abused the marriage equipment while they weren't in a romantic relationship. yet a sibling couple doing so might nonetheless be legally "married"; they does no longer then, in turn, be allowed to marry anybody they have been particularly romantically involved in with out dissolving that partnership, with each and all the legal problems a divorce might reason. I mean, i assume if a brother/sister pair (or brother/brother or sister/sister, have been gay marriage legal) wanted to flow into right into a lifelong, non-romantic legal partnership, particular, they might conceivably call for they be granted marriage rights. yet such partnerships may well be fairly few and lots between, as i think of the social stigma of stressful you be allowed to marry your sister might probable suppress that team. A greater pertinent question may well be on a thank you to handle the variety of individuals in a marriage. If marriage is opened up from the place that is now, then there is the question approximately whether polyamorous unions could be legally recognized. And if we then more desirable marriage to allow, say, 4 individuals, then what approximately polygamists who sense socially ostracized because of the fact they have a 5-way relationship? Polygamists and brothers desirous to marry their sisters, although, characterize a tiny, tiny fraction of yankee society. Homosexuals, whilst nonetheless a minority, huge variety far greater beneficial. placing out up marriage to comparable-intercourse couples, i've got self belief, is a thank you to furnish those romantic pairings the comparable legal rights that are at the instant enjoyed via ability of comparable partnerships, whilst minimizing the exchange to the time-honored equipment. particular, the "slippery slope" argument can nonetheless be utilized, yet basically because of the fact placing out up marriage to homosexuals might open up a bigger can of worms does not propose that is not any longer an excellent and proper area of do.

Answer 7

For sure harder with kids (3 also). Its hard to take care of them and him. It's all about self-less-ness! And it's not 50/50, it's 100/100. You've gotta give it your ALL. It's very hard work. My expectations of marriage is what's really messed me up. I thought that it was just going to be a bed of roses. With a few disagreements here and there, but did I have another thing coming! Do you think it will get easier? I don't just want to give up and have to "deal" with it. I want to have the time of my life. I'm going to be in this for a long time. I want to make as good as possible. I'm not afraid of hard work, I just want it to eventually pay off!

Answer 8

I'm not married yet but I want to be one day and I know from talking and seeing that RELATIONSHIPS always TAKE WORK! You will have to work at them for the rest of your life. Before you add more stressful situations like 'kids' you have to fix what is wrong now. Fix those problems and then move on to the next step. This way you've developed a strong trust and then you become closer. You have to talk to each other.

Answer 9

We have three kids too- ages 5, 3, and 9months.

Also he has two kids (12 and 5) from before.

The kids have to take on a certain amount of responsibility- my 5 and 3 year old both clear their spots at the table, clean their rooms, bring up firewood, help pick up their little sister's toys, put away their own laundry, etc. Thus, their dad and I aren't so busy taking care of them that we never speak.

Answer 10

Marriage is always something you work on. You cannot take it for granted. Communication is hard over time because you have a false sence of knowing what your partner is thinking and when it is in disagreement, it comes as a shock.

I have two kids and it is hard to have time with my wife to talk. I love talking with my wife and I love being with her...but it's work and there are fights...but we get over those fights ;)