I have been married to my hubby for 10 years. We have 2 children and are, for the most part, happy. In the last year, I have a new girlfriend to hang with. She happens to be his best friends girlfriend. The problem is this: I have been pretty much a "loner" since we've been together. I do not and have not had many friends at all. This last month I had gone to her house to hang out about 3 times and another 3 times to work on their computer for her b/f(my hubbies best friend). Her and I sit and listen to music, drink a few beers, talk about books(we both love to read) play cards and other games. We don't go to bars or parties or anywhere. She doesn't have a car and she only lives 3 minutes away so I go there to hang out w/her. Typically, her boyfriend is out for the evening and she is at home w/their 8 yo son and my hubby stays home w/our children. When I come home from visiting her, I get nothing but grief from my hubby for being there too much! I am happy to have a friend finally!
2007-02-02 02:22:02 · 21 answers · asked by StifldLifr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
like u said u have been a loner for the most part... so its something that ur hubby has to get used to...... men are not good to a quick change so why don't u try telling him a nite or so in advance that ur going over there... that's way he can prepare himself.....
After a while he won't give u so much grief about it....
2007-02-02 02:35:26 · answer #1 · answered by laydenirvine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is great that you have a new friend.... I am happy for you. If he does not want you there so much have her come over to your house at times to visit and hang out.... Try to go visit her when he is not home... This may work better. You may want to go pick her up and bring her and her child to your house... That way you are still at home with your family and she is still with her son. I think this would be best. Or you could even take the kids with you when you go visit her at times too... Seems to me like your husband is just frustrated because he feels left out at times and maybe under pressure alot. I can see both sides here.... Maybe you can compromise with him a little and make it better... Just some suggestions from me:) you need your friend and she needs you BUT your husband and children need you too.. There has to be a balance between the two and your husband and family should come first.
2007-02-02 02:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you for having a friend or two. When men can have many friends and can go anywhere without giving any reasons, then why not women? So what if you are married? That doesn't mean you should stay at home all day and look after kids. As long as you dont ignore your duties as a housewife and a mother, there is no question why you should not have a few friends and go out with them.
2007-02-02 02:42:32 · answer #3 · answered by angela_hsiung 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you honestly say that this is the first time he has been like this????? If not then you need to be assertive and stand up for yourself. There is no reason that you should get any crap about having a friend. He is jealous. That is his problem. Sit down with him with an open mind and ask him why he has a problem with her. Then reasses what he says and determine if the problem is his or yours. If the problem is his then you let him deal with it. Try taking your kids with you next time and see if you still get greif. Some guys ( and Gals) resent the fact that they have to stay home with the kids, invite him to tag along. If none of this works then you need to decide where you stand on this matter. And be ok enough with your choice to stand up for yourself. You are equal to him and you are not living with your parents. Ask him to be a partner and not a prison gaurd.
2007-02-02 02:38:44 · answer #4 · answered by Tina S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, maybe it's time for compromise.....you have changed, and he's not as happy about the change as you are. So perhaps the two of you need to talk about it and find out if there's a way for you to have your friendship, and for him to feel OK about it. It doesn't sound like you are being neglectful of your family, so he really doesn't have a leg to stand on, and he probably knows it. If you talk with him and ask him realistic questions, once he starts to answer them, he will realize that he's acting foolishly. Then he will either admit it, and say he doesn't know how to fix it, or he won't admit it, and you'll just have to deal with the grief. Good Luck.
2007-02-02 02:31:44 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from. I am in the same situation. I just work and come home. And then a few months ago and friend that I worked with a few years ago tracked me down. She and I have been going out. Well up until then. My husband would go out with his friends and tell me I should go out. Now that I am he does not like it. Well, I decided to bad you go out and do things with the guys. So now I am going out and enjoying life too. I think maybe it will take your husband a little while to adjust to you going out and having a friend to have a little fun with.
2007-02-02 02:33:07 · answer #6 · answered by Janst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is jealous of your new friend and the time you spend with her. He is being a bit childish about it. Maybe you girls could get together when the guys do and that way he won't feel like she is taking you away from him. Just a suggestion. He should be happy that you have found a freind that you have things in common with.
2007-02-02 02:32:23 · answer #7 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure if this is the case or not, but when most men complain that their partners are spending too much time with others, it's because they aren't satisfied with their SPECIAL nighttime activities with their wives.
As I said, I am not sure, but this is definitely worth considering.
What you might do is wait for him at night dressed in something silky. Tell him that you can't wait for him. Do this all the time and he won't care if your best friend is a handsome looking man because he will feel secure knowing his wife finds him handsome and sexy.
2007-02-02 02:46:41 · answer #8 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to feel guilty, just because he doesn't like you having an outside interest. Does your husband not go places without you? I think he is being unreasonable about this. people can & should have friends and hobbies to enjoy. Tell him to quit acting like a baby. he can get along just fine for a few hour my 2 cents
2007-02-02 02:35:18 · answer #9 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
friendship is gold. perhaps your hubby is not used to you not being home. explain to your hubby that you have a girlfriend and you have things in common and you and your girl like hanging out. perhaps your hubby and kids could all hang out with you and your friend and her kid a couple of times. then your hubby might understand and see what your friendship that you have with this gal actually is like. food for thought.
2007-02-02 02:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by c s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋