I found myself in family court a couple days ago, facing my ex and his new family. (He is still with the woman that he left me for) We are not exactly on friendly terms bc he has not seen his son in almost 5 yrs and lives only mins away. Our son, who is now 12, calls my b/f of 5yrs "daddy" now.
In the yrs since we have been apart, I have become a born again Christian...and am extremely happy with my life, but I felt the overwhelming need to write my ex a letter. In the letter, I have forgiven him for the pain that he caused me, because I no longer feel anything for him but pity.. Pity that he never got to know his son and how much of a shame it was.. And that it would be up to my son when he was older if he wanted to forgive him or not..
I was not nasty in the letter at all, it was a straight-forward letter.. Why did I feel the need to write this letter and would it really be a good idea to send it??
2007-02-02 02:10:25 · 9 answers · asked by Termite 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As you have described the letter, I am against you sending it. Forgiveness is good and stating your forgiveness would be Christ-like, and healing for you. However, to say that you "pity" your ex feels to me like an attempt to jab him. Revealing your pity for your ex, which I do not deny you do feel, to your ex, is pointless. Your pity does him no good, and he could easily perceive its expression as an insult to him; insulting someone is not Christian behavior. Furthermore, to say that it would be up to your son whether or not to forgive him when your son is older is also pointless. Whether or not your son forgives his father is for him alone to decide, whether he is a boy or a man. Of course he will make his own decision, so you stating that in your letter sounds to me like another attempted jab: "I'm reminding you that you did your son wrong." Again, this is not in the spirit of the forgiveness you say you feel. In summary, re-write the letter, but make it shorter. Tell him what he did that hurt you, and how you have now forgiven him for those things, and leave out all the rest. Then, send him the new, shorter letter.
2007-02-02 02:39:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it helps to write feelings we can't express out loud or to others. However, I would put the letter aside and not mail it. The court experience obviously dredged up some feelings you have repressed and the experience is still too fresh. You never know how your ex and the new family might interpret some of the things you put in the letter - even though you think it was not nasty. Also - why let him off the hook? If anyone needs to write a letter of apology or contrition - it should be him.
2007-02-02 10:18:06 · answer #2 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U r happy now but deep down inside u still have a little bit of pain that needs 2 b released from inside of u. I think what u wrote is perfect. I don't see anything wrong with u sending this letter, but u really must think about it and ask urself is it really worth it. Ur son will become a man soon and he will make his own decisions. Good luck sometimes things r better off left alone.
2007-02-02 10:24:56 · answer #3 · answered by Baby Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry, but if I had a son who's father never saw him, I would never be able to forgive him for the pain and hurt he caused my son. Me, yes, I can get over that, but for a child to grow up knowing he has a bio dad out there who's not bothered to ever show up, that's gotta hurt, despite all the love you and your bf give your son, on some level, it just hurts. So, no, I wouldn't send the letter because it wouldn't be true for me, I would not forgive, I would be ferociously protective.
2007-02-02 10:20:14 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you love your kid too much, and you feel pity , as your kid couldn't got the love of his father, which might be diverted you to write a letter to your ex, to make him feel what he missed, and i am also able to guess, you are not the person who wanted to end this relation. Be mature and not to send that letter, it will create unnecessary tension in your ex life, which will come back to you and your kid only. Enjoy your time with your kid, and forget the past, lets your kid decide or forget what happened in the past, you and your kid has a gr8 future to walk through..leave the past..best of luck
2007-02-02 10:18:47 · answer #5 · answered by yjph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I think it was very therapeutic for you to write that letter expressing your feelings, it would probably serve no good in actually sending it to your ex. He might try and twist it into something ugly to use against you. It sounds like you are at peace with yourself and I envy that.
2007-02-02 10:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by Thunderman9 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it is up to you if you send it but for the reason why you wanted or felt like you needed to write it is because you wanted to get it off of your mind. It's not going to hurt anything for you to send it, he may get mad about it or he may come to his senses. More in likely nothing will happen and nothing will change if you send it other then you will have the peace in mind that you told him that you forgive him and so on. Well I hope that helped you.
Good luck!
2007-02-02 10:35:31 · answer #7 · answered by Teresa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This makes you feel better but don't send it. You did what you needed to do, get things off your chest. Now go on with your life and forget about him.
2007-02-02 10:39:39 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to write it but don't send it. We sometimes have to write things down to get them out of our system.
2007-02-02 11:02:32 · answer #9 · answered by erikamichellepayne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋