I hve been married for 20 years with 3 children, I know she is married also and has 4 children, my problem is I never stopped loving her and cannot love my wife the same.
2007-02-02 02:03:50 · 31 answers · asked by farmerdrewie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your love from 20 years ago is not the same person now that she was then; she is a fantasy. Get some counselling.
2007-02-02 02:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Aks yourself this question: Do you like being married? I would NOt Be Happy if I were your wife. It's playing with fire, and not just fire, but two marriages and 7 children.
THis sounds liek the first love stuff the whole "yuour first is your best and only love. Well, this kind of crap stuck my great aunt in an awful marriage. My experience? love is never the same- no two people are the same.
Look at your life objectively. Are you happy with your wife? Have you built a good life together? HOw are the kids? Don't ruin this on a might-have-been. Cherish what you have. Celebrate what you have!
2007-02-02 02:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by heathrydge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends whether you think that contacting her may create a problem. DO you know how she feels? if she feels the same way you do, you both may be tempted to develop a relationship that might hurt both of your families. Although it is true that your emotional happiness is important, the day you decided to marry your wife and had children, you made a commitment..... unless your married life is a living hell, you should respect them and care for their emotional well being. If you are sure that contacting her will not jeopardize your stable married life... go ahead and call her. Also..remember.....that one tends to idealize the past and by now, she may not even be the same as you remember. I keep in touch with the love of my college life, we are both very happily married, but, I made my commitment to my family and I am happily sticking to that promise. On the other hand, I am also very happy I can maintain that contact, and have my platonic relationship from very far far away.... and my family kows about it because it does not change the way I feel about them...
2007-02-02 02:23:01 · answer #3 · answered by syrdell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TRUST ME I know what you mean. I am 32, happily married for 8 years, father of 2. Wife and I have a great life together and we're very happy together for the most part. But there is not a DAY that goes by that I don't think about the girl I fell in love with years and years ago. And I know she feels the same despite being married herself. But you need to understand that you're not the same person you were 21 years ago. And neither is she. What we both suffer from is being in love with the MEMORY, and not necessarily the women they are today. Just keep the memory of her in your heart and be grateful. Daydream all you want when you're all alone about what might have been or could have been. But keep that all to yourself. And be grateful that you found that kind of a love in the first place. Be smart my friend. And don't screw up the life you have now by trying to live in a past that none of us can ever go back to. We've all made our decisions in life. We need to live with them.......
2007-02-02 02:17:15 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well u need 2 let go of the past and move on with ur future because obviously u love ur wife because u have been with her for 20 yrs and have three kids. No love is ever the same i am pretty much sure u loved that other woman very much but u can not compare that love and the love 2 ur wife. Wake up man u have responsibilities and a wife that loves u. Let it go and move on so that u can love ur wife and only ur wife.
2007-02-02 02:12:23 · answer #5 · answered by Baby Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's an old saying "You can't go home again;" which means what happened in the past, is in the past. This first woman is no longer that same person you knew; not the idyllic perfect answer to your problems. The grass isn't always greener on the other leg.
Also, you don't have any right inserting yourself into her life after all these years, especially if you're still married. If you've got problems, work them out. Or get a divorce.
2007-02-02 02:50:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My old love did make contact with me after 25 years. We were both married 20+ years to other people and we both have children.
Long story short, we found out that we loved each other very much, we had an affair which ended up in divorce for both our marriages, we got married to each other 18 months ago and are very happy.
The affair was absolutely the wrong thing to do and caused a great deal of pain for alot of people.
Nobody will understand except those of us who, for whatever reason, let the love of our life slip out of our lives. If you re-connect, the two of you will be alone, at least for awhile. Family will desert you, including your children.
For us, the children have come around and are dealing with it. Our former spouses, however, have not.
I wish you luck.
2007-02-02 02:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by lunatic 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WRONG.....WRONG......WRONG.....for heaven's sake, what's wrong with you? If you never stopped loving her, why did you go and make a bunch of kids with someone else? You owe your children and your wife to STAY AWAY from the 'true love.' Besides, people change over 21 years, you and she are not the same and will not get along like you did before. You hold in your hands the potential to ruin the families of 7 children, or to walk away with some pride and self-respect.
2007-02-02 02:08:24 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
BIG mistake on your part. Why did you ask your current wife to marry you if you dont love her like your supposed to. You cant ask someone to marry when you are in love with someone else its not fair to you or them. YES its dead wrong to contact that woman from 21 years ago! Just leave her alone unless you want to start causing problems in your marriage and hers too. Get your mind off her and focus on your family.
2007-02-02 02:10:15 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U married someoen and u dont love her compared to the love u have for ur ex. R u MAD. Imagine the same thing happening to u, ur life doesnt love u bcos she loves her ex more. Ur ex has moved on with a husband and 4 kids. She probably love her husband than anyone not even u. Wake up brother and realise that u need to love ur wife more than anyone cos she's be there when troubke comes not ur ex.
2007-02-02 02:11:31 · answer #10 · answered by teemah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you never stopped loving her and can't love your wife the same then you should have never gotten married to your wife. You're not even been faithful to her at all. And that is truly wrong.
2007-02-02 02:20:39 · answer #11 · answered by KeKe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋