I am having a problem with unforgiveness towards myself. I have talked about this with other people and they?

Question

all suggest that I need to put it behind me, but I just keep beating myself up over it. It's very frustrating for me to continue this pattern of negative thinking. What am I holding on to?

Answer 1

i m facing this prob too sometime,but i cldnt get rid of this....now i left to think about this.just relexed and give peace to ur mind.just relexed....:)
Good Luck

Answer 2

You know, I have the same problem. This is my demon, too, brother.

I think I know where it came from, but I have found it really hard to shake. I think it's going to be a life long process.

For me, I think this type of self-destructive thought pattern comes from two primary sources: 1. Negative family environment where it was constant criticism and not enough positive energy 2. Regret over not having accomplished as much as I would have liked.

The first I can't do anything about. The second is where the rubber hits the road. If you can get to the point where you concentrate on your positives, and get the train rolling full boar on that track, I think that positive inertia drowns out that negative voice.

You can think of it as building up. Also, I believe every negative is a positive given a different environment or culture. So, this could be an indication that you need to make some changes in where you work, what you do, who you hang with -- to where your strong points are considered assets and not liabilities. It's the grow the positives, disregard the negatives or convert to positives if possible.

Answer 3

Maybe some anger? You might feel you are not the only factor to blame. Or maybe you are the unforgiving type and need to extend the same forgiveness you allow others to yourself. It sure helps if you believe in God. He would never keep holding something over your head after He forgave you. Time is a great healer, so fill your time and stay busy. I would take it away from you if I could and so would many others. Let go of it. Did you ever see a movie called "The Mission" with Robert DeNiro? It was good, especially in the first part. He too couldn't forgive himself and carried a heavy heavy load. May that burden leave you. Good Luck! @8-)

Answer 4

Spend time with yourself, think about the act that is making you feel bad, we all go through guilt feelings because we all set some standard for ourselves based on what is believed to be is true, i have used the word "believe" and belief is something we dont question, it is just taken as undeniable truth, and thats where people have a hard time in dealing with guilt,
shame is another thing that makes us feel bad, because you are comparing your act to something that is said by society as bad.
If you look at yourself as a human being, we all grow, and do things that are completely prohibited, like lying, hating, smoking , drinking, sex, drugs, discrimination, think of all the "wrong things". We set up some standard for ourselves, but inspite of this in my experience as a therapist, there are people who struggle with feelings as you are struggling. But what is growth? How so we become mature, wise and understanding? Life always talks to us with a spiritual meaning and we human beings refuse to hear it, but we listen to all those scriptures that is so external to our own experience but we accept it as truth, anger for instance, if it has a validity in the scriptures we are ok with that because anger has a valid expression, when in fact anger is bad for us in any form,
What ever you have done has been done, i have no idea what that is, but to heal from within is asking yourself what will do you better, acknowledging the fact that this has been done, accepting the fact it has happened, based on your imaturity, today you are a step ahead to understand things better, and that you surely do not want to repeat it, this is growth, because you alone have the wisdom to understand that what ever you did is surely not who you choose to be, it is not who you are, and this is a beautiful realization. If there is a person involved talk to the person and express your feelings and tell them you are sorry.
Putting it behind is not the best option, because the basement becomes a garbage, you cannot have a house that is shown as beautiful when the basement stinks, eventually the smell comes out, people usually tend to do this, anything supressed comes out as poison, a flowing river is always clean, than a stagnant water, You are meant to flow, human energy is meant for this.

Answer 5

I have been going through the same exact thing for such a long time. I have a feeling of guilt because my god-mother died before she had the opportunity to see my newborn daughter. A few other situations as well. But that is the main right now. Anyways, you and I are both holding on to the "what if" factor.
You dwell on the outcome of the what if factor. and as long as you keep thinking "what if," you will not be able to let go of anything or anyone

Answer 6

You only have control over one thing in this world and that is yourself. If you've done something that you are having a hard time letting go of, you have to look at it like this...
People make mistakes and no one is perfect, and everybody knows that. The difference that mistakes make in a person is whether or not they learned anything from it. Consider all the good things in life you've done and those are all trophys in your trophy case...on proud display (even if only in your own mind). All your mistakes, and there may be VOLUMES, are all the little books, notes, and thoughts that belong in your library of life's lessons. Mistakes are something you can go back and look at like a book, and learn what you did wrong. Some mistakes can't be corrected, and those are the hardest to deal with. BUT, you can still go back through your life's lessons and when you see that note, remember that situation the next time something similar arises and do the right thing. Eventually, you either get to start moving all those books from life's lessons over to your trophy case, or you end up with a library of dusty old lessons that you learned not to repeat.
Sometimes when you make a mistake, you just have to take your notes, and put it on the shelf. Maybe you don't forget about it, but it is there to learn from. You can't go back in time, but you can prevent yourelf from making the same mistake twice.
Beating yourself up is a useless tool. It won't help you learn, it won't turn back time, it won't undo a mistake, it won't help you next time, and it is such a distraction from the rest of your daily life.
The difference between wise people and clever people is that clever people can get themselves out of things that wise people will never get into.
Mistakes are made by everybody, wise or clever. It's the ones who learn from them that make themselves wiser.

Answer 7

What have you done against yourself that requires forgiveness? Typically forgiveness is only necessary to bridge a wronging. It does NOT correct the wrong. This is why I discount the concept of "self" forgiveness. You can wrong yourself, but these wrongs never create a gap that needs bridging. Gaps are only created by wronging other parties, and only those parties can then extend forgiveness.

Of course, if you've really committed some serious wrong, then you do need forgiveness, only not from yourself. You need forgiveness from the people you've hurt. This will begin to repair those relationships. You also need forgiveness from God. Only He has the authority to completely forgive wrongdoing. Without His forgiveness you will always bear the responsibility for your actions, and will likely always feel guilty because you are, in fact, guilty. Once you've asked for His forgiveness, accept it, because it's free and absolute. Whatever I can do to help you, don't hesitate to ask...

Answer 8

I am doing the same thing
write a letter to the person you did the wrong to asking for forgiveness
they dont have to forgive you.. at least you tried to make amends





If you're like me.. the person you hurt is recently deceased..
I have no idea and am beating my self up over it

I'm thinking about trying counseling to see if that can help me cope with the issue

Good Luck

Answer 9

There does not seem to be any justification for you to turn unforgiving to yourself. If you introspect after having done some apparent mistake, it sounds reasonable. But if you keep taking all the blame and of the entire world upon yourself is not only inappropriate but may also be harmful to your mental and even physical health. Please try understanding the consequences of this kind of a negative thinking. You lose your self-worth and magnify self-pity. Think for a moment: IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF HOW CAN YOU EXPECT OTHERS TO RESPECT YOU. And surely, you would like to be respected and loved by others. A negative thinking tends to perpetuate itself unless it is stemmed sooner than later. Please stop it and begin thinking positive.
Life is a precious opportunity for doing good and helping those who need help. And you seem to have it in your chemistry and it seems to me after reading the language of your question!
Talk to your friends who love you, who like you and who are sincere toward you. You will find lot of positive rays radiating from them toward you. Positive impulses make you strong and make others fascinating. Negative vibrations are like earthquakes and convulse the entire world with inestimable damage to all! Be firm, and throw out the trash from out of you. Relive a life which is a beautiful life and shed the dirty skin.

Answer 10

Look to God's grace for your answer. I know, because I've experienced the same thing. It isn't always easy to trust God, but it is very rewarding. If you get counseling, you may find it easier. You also may find it easier to talk out your feeling , if you take medication for depression. Make sure you see the right people though. If you don't you may suffer longer.

Answer 11

The major question is for what do you need to forgive yourself?

Just remember... you, just like everyone else, are an imperfect human. Perhaps you have expectations of yourself that are much higher than you would have others - try not to be so hard on yourself.