What if your loving wife was in love with a boy before marriage and she didn't tell u this but u know that now

Question

We r married for 1 year. Parents arranged marriage. I luv my wife and she also luvs me. Having learnt that she loved a guy (she didn't tell me) before marriage and was connected with one more guy (she didn't luv him) i am restless now. Y do girls do like dis. My wife supposed to be traditional, family girl from tamilnadu. at times i admired at my wife for her clean habits. Am i too possesive to expect her to love only me forever which ofcourse i do. She spent her youth days at college, hometown and at office (workin girl). At all these 3 places she was talked connecting with someone. At college a boy, at hometown a boy whom she loved. At work with someone though not serious. To the one whom she loved, it was she who proposed him. If a girl of such backgrnd proposes a boy, it means dat she loved him so much dat she can't miss him. she used to call him regularly on phone. I don't know d reason y she cudn't join him. My wife loves me bcoz itz obligation now as i am her hubby. I am hurt

Answer 1

If she loved other guys before you got married, it shouldn't be a problem. You have to date a lot of guys before you know who you want. If she's faithful to you now, she should be good enuf for you. By the way, this is why arrange marriage doesn't work very often. You love someone else!

Answer 2

past is past. and it's better to forget.

i know it is easy to say.can understand what u r going through. but since u do love her then why can't u forgive her? and u do say she loves u now. isn't that what matters the most? the rest is immaterial now.

and btw do u really have to believe gossip?

if some one told u about ur wife's so called affairs in the past then the person's intention is definitely to create trouble in ur married life. why wud any person do that if he is really a well wisher? that too specially when u r in love with ur wife and she is in love with u nw? the intentions of that person is evry clear?

if u really believe tht story of affairs of ur wife then why not have a direct talk with ur wife? she may share it with u? and it may nt be what u might be imagining?

any single woman while studying or working is bound to have male acquintances. and even if it is just an impersonal formal talk or being seen together for some official work or so, people start gossiping.

we are living in such a society which will doubt even if a girl and her brother is going out together.

every one is bound to make some mistake at some juncture of life.

no one is perfect. we are just human beings and not angels or saints.

all that matters is that she is a dedicated wife to u.

no obligation would make a woman love a man. she is an educated working woman and she could have simply refused to marry u if she was not interested.but she agreed to it and is trying to be a good wife. haven't u thought of that?

so if u really love her, best is not make a mess of ur life with ur doubts and imaginations.

trust is the basic foundation for any relationship.

try to keep ur married life fresh and fragrant forever by mutual trust in each other.

good luck and god bless u.

Answer 3

why are you troubling yourself anf straining your family relations. She is connected with you through marraige, and is answerable to you only after marriage. Before marriage she had a life you too had a life, were you not attracted to any girl, did you not make any connections with girls in school college etc. Girl and Boy together does not indicate love and sex there can be a friendship too. I have a girl as my best friend and my wife knows about it she has no problem with it. By this what i mwean to say is trust your wife believe in her and your relation, marriage is not a child's game. Past should be left behind move ahead in life where there's happiness. There's no point running when you have your face turned behind. if you do so you'll bang or fall some place and the hurt and loss will be yours and you will be responsible for it.
So man, just trust your wife, things before marriage should never matter. Nor should you take interest in what happened before marriage. As before marriage everyone had a life of their own. If she feels its worth mentioning she'll do so herself if not then think its not important to her

Answer 4

What should matter to you now is whether your wife loves you. Not what she did prior to her marriage with you.
Falling in love or having male friends and acquaintances in educational institutions or work places is perfectly natural for any woman, especially in this age.
Inability to marry the man she loved must have been one of the most unfortunate incidents in her life. That she has overcome that and married you shows that one unfortunate incident can not derail her life.
The reason she didn't disclose about her affair was probably because most Indian males disagree to marriage with a girl who has had a loving relationship with another man earlier. This is hypocrisy because the same standards don't apply to men.
You have no reason to suppose that her love for you is out of obligation. You can't doubt her sincerity just because she loved someone before her marriage. I don't know if she is aware of your suspicions. But undoubtedly it would hurt her a lot if she came to know. And you are already suffering. Remove all negative thoughts from your mind and try to be a normal and reasonable husband. Else both of you would suffer irreconciliably.

Answer 5

Do not be so sure that she loves you only because it's her duty. Even if the marriage was forced on her, many times couples do fall in love with each other because they realize that what they had felt before was too shallow to matter than the lifelong friendship that they have now found. Look to your marital relationship as if you found a friend for life and though your wife may have had relationships and affairs before you and couldn't confess it to you, she definitely loves you now enough to confess it to you because she couldn't bear to cheat you despite knowing that you would be hurt and perhaps hate her forever. She took the risk because she believed in her love and her truthfulness and must have counted on your kindness to forgive and forget her too. Plus, she had those relationships before she met you, which means that she must have been looking for emotional support in the form of relationships, which she has finally found with you. Her proposing to the boy only means that she was desperate for such a support. If you are doubt about her real feelings, ask her gently. Discuss it with an open mind. Marital relationship is much more than pre-marital fidelity. Live it up and enjoy and be content that you finally found a wife who loved you so much that she was ridden with guilt because she hid her past from you. That itself says a lot about her. Don't think that her having repeated connections neccarily cast a reflection of her character. It can only mean that she was in need of love, care and emotional support. As a husband, give it to her now and you can be sure of her loyalty forever.

Answer 6

Hia softboy. Well i am a girl and i may be round about ur wife's age. Also Tamil. Also family girl. And i tell u this.....just coz we r traditional does not mean dat we cannot fall in love. Ur wife has been linked 3 guys. That was before marriage. In today's world dat happens. It happens coz it is natural for a guy to be attracted to a woman and vice versa. The most important thing is dat now she is ur wife. Maybe she should have told u about those guys but then again maybe she doesnt think that they are that important in her life. Another reason she may have not told u is dat she may have been scared of wat u would think of her. Since in our society a guy can do watever he wants to do but a woman has to remain "good" and within her "limits". So guys can have 10 girlfriends n sleep around and stuff and girls cant. I'm not saying dat girls shud sleep around........i m saying dat if guys can do all this then pliz try to understand dat girls r human as well...........n that they will also make errs........ur wife has made mistakes..........m not saying she slept around.......coz from wat u have told she does not seem the type to do dat........She is ur wife now..........and i m sure she loves u and only u. It is not obligation. You should not be hurt. Be a good husband to ur good wife. Best thing to do wud be to talk to her instead of to us. Best of luck dude.

Answer 7

somewhat, the term relationship is forbidden in Islam. there's a hadith of the Prophet Muhammad which states that if 2 people (lady and male) together, then the third individual to be the place this is devil. yet there's a manner out called "ta'aruf" (introductory technique to advance into closer including your substantial different and relatives besides), yet i don't be attentive to if it applies to all Muslim international locations. yet you're spectacular whilst asserting that there is not any genuine love earlier marriage in Islam. while you're a guy, then you definately qualify for a woman substantial different which you extremely choose for to bypass at latest to the top of the female's relatives and asked him to be your spouse. Or if in an Islamic boarding college, then you definately in basic terms might desire to ask the leaders of Islamic boarding college.

Answer 8

She is married to you and do not dwell on the past. It is done and over, How can you build a relationship if you worry about such trivial things. To make a marriage strong and loving you have to work with each other. We all have little hidden stories in our lives, some come to light others stay hidden. Love your wife for who she is not what she has done.

Answer 9

Dude, if you try to live in your wife's past you will only hurt your current relationship with your wife. If she love you now and is faithful, I think you should love, respect and admire her for that. To you your present and future is that should matter. You and your wife are just victims of the Indian culture and norms, where society expects you to respect your parents wishes. You cannot blame her for her past, cheer up and enjoy your life with your wife.

What if roles were reversed and you had prior relationships would you want your wife to hate you and blame you? It is a hypocrite society where men are forgiven and women are cursed. Where women are expected to love and keep their husbands happy no matter how big of an A-hole he is.

Focus on the present and the future my friend and leave the past behind.

Answer 10

Arranged marriages aren't really my thing. But being trapped is familiar to me. The best thing to do would be to ask her what her dedication to you is. I honestly think you would both be better off knowing, and dealing with it early on. If she loves someone else, she can't love you the way you deserve. And if she Wants to love you, she may not yet know it because she hasn't had to choose. She was coerced into marriage with you and she may like you but to say (you are the One above All else of her own free will)? Ask her. Be honest and prepare for the worst. And rejoice if you recieve something better. Like her Total devotion to you. Within a marriage, friendship and honesty are key.