Is it easy to marry someone who already have children with his last wife?

Answer 1

i chose never to walk that path

Answer 2

Absolutely not. First of all, marriage itself isn't easy. Second, having children with someone isn't easy, even if you have a full partnership and half the authority in the matter.

I don't mean to scare anyone away from it, but my experiences over the past four years prompted me to answer your question as openly as possible. Yes, there can be some wondrous moments and it can be very rewarding, but here are some things you really must consider:

1. Your privacy. If the ex is still in the picture, anything the children see in your home may not stay in the home. As a matter of fact, you have to operate as though anything they see an/or hear will be relayed exactly--or inexactly--to the ex. This includes your physical privacy (I've heard how the ex sounds when she has sex, and do you ever want to streak through the house because you forgot something you need to wear somewhere). It also includes your emotional privacy; what they encounter will travel.

2. Your hard-won adult freedom. Do you have dreams about having your own house someday, where you can do what you want? Well, the new authority will be the custody agreement they signed before you ever met them. Does he want you to be a full partner and authority figure, and if so, how did that work out with his last girlfriend? Do you want the ex in your home?

3. Your own nature. If you're a naturally open and friendly person, it's probably NOT the best thing to go for that with the ex. You do not want to be in between them, EVER. She has authority over her own house. If you let her in as YOUR friend, you've let your husbands ex in the house as YOUR BAGGAGE. It's a horrible and slippery slope.

4. Divorce. If you two divorce, you have absolutely no rights to see the children you have helped raise, made sacrifices for, and grown profoundly attached to.

5. Custody battles. There might be another round, and I can't even describe to you what that's like.

I wouldn't recommend the path I took to anyone else. The only reason it works for me is because I'm crazy, fearless, and I was woefully naive. I love the children, I love the father, but I also don't know anyone other than me who would have chosen this particular path and stayed with it. Many don't.

Answer 3

Not very easy, but it can be done. I married man who has 3 children (his wife died) and I also had 3 children. We built a 8 bedroom house and for awhile life was fine. But then it was just too much. Three of them were teenagers and I was working full time and taking care of the house and kids. It about did me in! We only last 18 months. But it also depends on how often the children will be there. If he just has visitation, then it will be easier. Just be sure to honor his time with his children and never come between them. Be his children's friend, they already have a mother. Good luck and go in with eyes wide open!

Answer 4

I think that it really depends on the level of maturity and understanding and especially the commitment made between the couple.

Is it genuine love, and are the values and beliefs systems both common.

Was marriage just for the partner or was it for the PARTNER.

In a world where imperfection is impossible so don't expect things to go right straight away, but with both parties co-operating together for the FAMILY business and having not just God but the true God to help them.

Also face challenges as they arise and remember that disagreements happen, as long as each one understands that the marriage is long term not out when things get tough.

So it easy to marry someone who already have children with last wife/husband when the above is part of the marriage ingredient.

Answer 5

Nope - not easy. But then no marriage is easy.

There will always be complications and communication with the ex wife...because they are parents. So you have to be the kind of woman who is secure and doesn't get jealous. If thats not you...then you are buying into a lot of heartache. But if you can, its best if you extend an olive branch to the ex wife. Let her know that you are not interested in being the kids' mother, but that you will do whatever you can to take good care of them when they are with you. Ask her about how she wants the children cared for...and show her the respect that their mother deserves.

An open relationship between all of you will make it a whole lot smoother...and happier.

Answer 6

Easy...... ahhhhh NO! I love my husband and his kids, but if by some strange reason something happens to us..... I would never date another man with children. The kids, well they are not the worst part. It's the ex B***h you have to deal with for the next 10 years or so. Then you have your new husband who is a part time dad, who gives in to his children. IT was really hard in the beginning. I have children from a previous marriage, so when his kids would come over, it was defiantly shown that he favored his own. Now, well after 2 1/2 years of marriage it is a lot better. Of course the ex is ALWAYS trying to start something. OF course I am just a step mom, and when the kids are with us, I am not allowed to seek medical help for them, only their father is allowed. (According to her) Then you have his oldest with the I don't care because I am going home in 2 days attitude when he comes over. But, for the most part it is worth is because I love my man. Now, if you are not madly in love with this guy.... move on.

Answer 7

It takes work. You and your new husband will be fine but there could be tension with the children.

You don't mention the ages and you can handle things different ways depending on the age, but here is the secret...

You need to love the children as your own. Show them that you are committed to their well being. If they say to you that you are not their mother just say ok.

Be respectful about their birth mother. Show them that you have respect for her and would never try to separate them from her.

Be loving but firm. Do not be a push over, no means no. But do give them space and be lenient when you can.

Don't try to get too close too soon. Your love could seem fake to them. Let it happen naturally

But always be there for them, providing as a good parent should.

If you do these things you can soften their hearts.

Answer 8

I think it does make the marriage a little more complicated just by seeing what a few friends went threw.I think that the second wife just has to realize that his kids will probbley always come first and the second wife will always be in the picture.I think if you really love this guy and willing to do what ever you can to keep his kids involved in his life things should be just fine.

Answer 9

I would not say any marriage is easy it is a give and take sittuation. You have to be willing to compromise and share. The children should be respectfull of you ,and obey you when you tell them to do something . and if your husband does not back you up on this then you two need to sit down and have a long talk. From then on everything should be fine . good luck

Answer 10

it will be as easy as you make it. if you're willing to take part in that child(s) life and be a friend as well as a mentor and advice giver then it could be easy... nothing is ever really "easy" and hard times will come across either way. It also depends on the age of the child(children) If they are older you can have a more mature bond with them and they probably won't go about asking tons of questions, etc. if they are younger, the child might wonder about you, but like i said to begin..try to make it easy and answer them.. be-friend them and show them they can trust you. Remember however that your potential husband should never lose his bond with his child(children) over another woman... so show him as much as you want to show them that you're willing to take on this new family.. you might be surprised at how smoothly it goes! good luck!

Answer 11

It all really comes down to "personalitites". If the personalities of the kids and the new spouse click, then it will be a smooth sail.

BUT if the personalities clash, your all in for one hell of a bumpy road!!

I, decided after 4 kids, that I'd raise them all up alone, then set out to haveing a life. I have now done so.