How Long...?

Question

I'd love some perspectives...from men and women on this one.

Last night, my husband said some hurtful things. Not horrible, or mean. But they were hurtful. I'm not angry with him, I'm just hurt. And I can't seem to bring myself to discuss it with him just yet. I'm still processing.

I realize there is no guidebook, or rule book - but how long do I have the right to internalize? I'm not punishing him or sniping at him. I'm just hurt. And really, just want to be alone.

Your thoughts?

Thank you ... one and all. I generally spend time in the Politics section of this forum, and am pleasantly surprised by the caring nature of all answerers.

Answer 1

Goodness, i hope your husban realises what an intelligent and down to earth person he is married to. Instead of making this into a huge deal you have decided to process your thoughts, instaed of acting first, which is what most do in an arguement. You care enough about your relationship to think about things on this level. You would not hurt him by taking something the worng way. To me you seem so reasonable, that is an amazing quality, and therefore you should take as much time as you need. I believe if you are simply being a little off with him as your still not sure how you want to react to what he said, he should respect that. If you are as wise as you sound then I bet your not being childish or ignoring him, I believe you are probably more quiet than usual. Do not let this get petty, still show him kindness, and then when you feel you can (the sooner the better really) sit down and tell him how his words affected you. Do not apologise for your behaviour as most men would love such a mature and calm wife. Let him know what about what he said upset you so. Perhaps you may find it could be your own insecurities. Ask him next time to put his point across is a way that will not hurt you like this next time. Tell him specifically you dont want to hear what he said last night ever again, this seems like a fair request. good luck! x

Answer 2

When we feel we are hurt by anothers words or actions, there isn't a set time on when we should get over it. We will come around when we feel we have thought it through enough to express our thoughts.

If you ned the time, tell him so. Tell him for some reason, and your not even sure why, but it HURTS and you would like time alone to think it through.

Answer 3

There is no time limit. But, the longer you wait then the more it is eating you up inside. Why not just talk about it and then you can both put it behind you. Sounds like a much healthier way to go. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think that when you have time to diguest what your husband said to you, thats when you need to tell him that you are really hurt by the things that he said to you.
Maybe it's a good idea if you take some personal alone time to just think about things before you confront him.
But be honest with him, tell him how much he hurt your feelings.
Maybe that wasn't his intent to hurt you.
After all you know what men are like.....lol.
Well good luck.

Answer 5

You can hide and lick your wounds as long as you like. It's your hurt - your schedule. It's best to keep it in until you process it, rather than run the risk of saying something hurtful to him. Too bad he didn't think before speaking.

Answer 6

u won't get over it till he is sorry for hurting u. takes time to get over hurt, depends on the persons attitude who hurt u. if he has no idea he hurt u, and continues to be insensitive, you won't get over it.

Answer 7

then simply tell him that you want to be alone. if he doesn't like that...too bad. if you need time to process then you need time to process. how much time? as much time as you need. and don't allow him to put a rush on that either.

Answer 8

there is no time
if he says anything just tell him you are hurt and need time

when YOU are ready you will talk to him about it

Answer 9

you don't want things to build up until you explode