I have friends that have been married 10 years and have 4 kids , a girl 5 and triplets that are 2. He cheats with everyone including her sister in her bed whils she works all nite. He says that he has no freedom and she caused it by having kids, He is selfish, cruel and completly controling of her. He won't even allow her to have a password on the computer and pretends he's her online and makes sexual comments to her friends in an effort of what?
He even when so far as to not pay the mortgage for 3 months in an effort to sock money away so he can just go his own way when the bank forecloses on them leaving her to find a place to stay by themselves. She found out about it at the last minute and pleaded with him to make at least 1 payment to delay the foreclosure 1 more month. She says she can't divorce him because she loves him. I think she has been controlled by him soo long she don't know what is normal and healty in her and her kids life. She thinks divorce will hurt the kids,
2007-02-01 23:55:12 · 7 answers · asked by dan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She doesnt love him, she tells herself that because it excuses her actions of being with him.. (a control freak) but deep down shes just scared.. shes scared of seeking a life with 4 children on her own.. and the controlling ways only heighten her fear, he's ripped her self esteem apart, hes proven to her that with out him she'll crash and burn (by not paying the morgage) hes got her to scared to leave.. but its not love.. shes in love with the man that she first married , no doubt but he didnt act like this back then im sure.. and she probably prays every day that he'll wake up one day a changed man which isnt going to happen.. and yes its extremely hard for most women to up and leave when there are kids involved, and that plays a huge part in this too.. no one dreams of getting married, having kids and divorcing, they dream of having 1 united family, and its very hard to walk away from that dream, for fear of what it will do to the kids.. but being mentally abused is not good for the kids either, and he's showed a lack of caring for the children, when he risked losing the house, he didnt care if they all ended up in the gutter..
My best friend, her husband talked her into quitting her job, and selling the house, they were going to move to Florida , the moment that they sold their house, he told her good bye.. for another woman, (the house was the only thing in is way the only major thing in both of their names) So as soon as it got sold, he split.. leaving her with 2 disabled children and no where to go.. luckily.. a good friend of ours had a double wide trailer that they rented, that just had tenants that moved out.. she let my best friend stay there rent free for 2 months till she got back on her feet financially.. He didnt care that they had no where to go, he didnt care that she had no money.. no job.. all he cared about was himself.. well she got on her feet, even though it was a struggle, she was use to living comfortably and now she was living paycheck to paycheck, but she herself started getting happier..the control was gone.. she did as she pleased.. She was scared at first.. but the more things started to fall into place for her, the better her and the kids were feeling, the kids we happy they didnt have to listen to all the arguing anymore and actually said they liked being with out daddy better then being with him..
She knows, deep down she knows what is best for her and the kids, but shes scared, and shes emotionally torn for her kids, if it was just her i have no doubt she'd left him by now..
She needs reasurance that she can do it with out him, she needs people to say, "here if u leave u can come stay with us till u get on your feet" etc.. she needs to have a way out, before she will agree to a way out..
2007-02-02 00:12:30 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im not trying to hate on your friend, but it seems like she's in denial. Most women never leave a reationship becaus ethey are scared to be alone but in this case, you need to tell her that there are people who care about her and that she needs to LEAVE!!
That relationship is not healthy for her or her children. Childrena are the biggest sponges in the world, just ask her does she want for her children what is happening to her?
Tell her she needs to leave and be the one that controls her own life.
2007-02-02 07:58:59 · answer #2 · answered by Army Gal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she is failing to face reality here, and see the truth. he really doesn't love her, it can be seen by his actions, and his lack of feeling for the family. he is not pleased with his life, and where he is in it. she needs to file for divorce, get some child support going, and get out of it. doesn't appear she is going to be able to save this marriage. he is not happy, and is planning to leave, she needs to start saving money. not divorcing him will hurt the kids more. he isn't going to be there for her anyway, it is only a matter of time.
2007-02-02 08:10:00 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has to find out the hard way. She is naive to think that divorce hurts children. What hurts children is staying in a bad relationship - look what you teach them - THIS is what you have to look forward to in life. She must have very low self esteem to stay with this chump.
2007-02-02 08:00:07 · answer #4 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has to leave him, she works, she can afford to leave him and claim child support. You need to tell her it's for the kids' future that she has to think about.
2007-02-02 08:14:52 · answer #5 · answered by bluemist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women are generally weak emotionally......and I think this man controls her this way......Thats why she's not able to divorce him.
2007-02-02 08:01:34 · answer #6 · answered by biju 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"...she can't divorce him because she loves him"
She deserves to be in that situation.
2007-02-02 07:59:12 · answer #7 · answered by T Time 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋