My husband and I were together 8 yrs and married for 2. During the marriage we had a daughter. 15 mths ago, I told him to leave because he was verbally abusive, controlling, a liar and unsupportive financially. It was a pretty miserable marriage .We separated. The day after he left, I discovered I was pregnant with our 2nd child. I didn't think I could cope, so I begged him to return. He refused which made me angry and more upset. I was very sad but managed to get through the pregnancy, looking after my daughter and working really hard in my own business. My kids are now 23mths and 8 mths. I have just started to feel strong and happy. Now, my ex says he has changed, realises that he treated me terribly and wants to give our marriage another go. He is having counselling. I have recently developed a friendship with another man- I am interested to take things further with this man but also feel that I should give my ex the chance to prove whether he has changed or not. What do you think?
2007-02-01 23:52:37 · 17 answers · asked by Jo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't take him back. You've made it this far without him. I've been there.
2007-02-01 23:56:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If there is a chance your children's father could be back in your lives, don't complicate it by bringing someone else in the picture. I would break it off with the other man. But I wouldn't rush back into things with your husband either. The fact that he has gone so far as to get counseling is a good sign. But give it some time. Spend some time with him, and allow him to spend time with his children. I wouldn't sleep with him yet. If he insists on moving faster, or gets angry that you're not, chances are he would have gone back to his old ways once he got you back. But if he is patient with the process, then perhaps he really has changed and your marriage can work. I am hoping the best for you!
2007-02-02 00:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by BB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very difficult to advise on this one! Abusive, controlling, liar, selfish, and I would add irrisponsible! His refusal to come back during a very tough time, when you were pregnant, is a clear sign to me that he is unlikely to change!
On the other hand you started develope friendship with another man and that you are interested in taking this relationship further. Two questions for you: 1. Do you love your ex or you just want to do it for the kids? How serious is your friend? Does he feel the same towards you? Do you love him?
I would weigh in all that and compare prons and cons before doing either at the moment. Since you are financially indipendant and can look after yourself, what is the hurry for? If i were you, I would continue with the status quo while monitoring very closely my best options. I would certainly not rush with my ex. I would wait and see if he had really changed. Got himself a job, providing support towards his kids, visiting his kids now and then, etc., etc. I would really want to see him doing all that to prove himself that he is worthy of your love and affection.
At the same time, I would not hurry up and commit myself to the other man before putting him to test too. In the end, I would make my final judgement on either person or neither.
Give yourself a break!
2007-02-02 00:07:08 · answer #3 · answered by Ebby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an extremely personal question, and I sincerely hope that you will weigh out any answer you get against your own parameters.
There are times when a person is down, and someone who doesn't help (even after being asked) in those darkest moments of misery do not deserve a second chance. The profile of your ex doesn't seem to be that of a gentleman, really; and that might prove harmful to your kids as well.
The future is looking good, and you have left the worst phase and emerged strong, capable and free. It's probably best to start afresh in terms of companionship as well.
Please do think long and hard, and have faith in your own sensibility. Take care.
2007-02-02 00:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anjana 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Umm actually i think that u should see whether the man u interested to develope further is interested to do the same wif u. I personally feel that u have already given ur ex a chance by asking him to come back to u the last time and he has already given up the chance.So i feel that it is ur first piority to give the chance to the new guy if he is willing to accepts u.If that man juz wanna be friends wif u, then u give ur ex a chance.U should tell ur ex to give u some time to let u see whether the new guy suits u.Even though it might seems unfair to ur ex, especially that u mgiht choose the new guy instead of him after sometime.But u really need to be selfish sometimes especially when it comes to ur happiness.
So basically im trying to say that do wat u wanna do. Since u wanna to develop further wif the new man, go ahead wif the decision. U dun have to feel bad about ur ex.Cause since he has changed to a better person, im sure that he can find sum1 more suited for him.For u, it is more important for u to live a better life wif some1 u can trust to take care of u and ur kids.No hard feelings for u and ur ex. hopes this opinion helps :P
2007-02-02 00:05:12 · answer #5 · answered by a s 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have gone so far without him why would you want to take him back now ? Nope I would not cause he may only be after part of the business or he does not want to pay child support .
I would move on and start things up with this other man . Let your ex stew in his own juices he made his bed not let him lay in it . good luck and remember you put him out for a reason.
2007-02-02 01:18:41 · answer #6 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait. See if your ex proves to be a great father to his two children. I would not even consider dating him until he has consistently accepted this responsibility for at least a year. If meanwhile, the other relationship develops into a nurturing, loving one, stay with it. You don't owe your ex anything. He owes you and the children and it may be too late for you. No guilt!!
2007-02-02 00:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by lollipop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he (your ex) been paying child support? Has he been seeing the kids on the weekends? If no to both, I would say move on without him. If yes, you have to decide what to do. Figure out what is going to be best for your kids and for everyone's future.
How do you really know if you do take him back, if he doesn't change back to his old self?
2007-02-01 23:57:50 · answer #8 · answered by Jo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U know ur ex better than the one whom u r courting. U have to decide whether he cud be trusted. If yes, go ahead. Be cautious.
2007-02-02 00:50:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you must give your husband another chance, but you must make a comitment with your husband that he won't make the same mistake again. I think like that because your kids need father figure and both parets. If you dont do this your kids maybe go to wrong way in the future
2007-02-02 00:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
no abusive men dont change if you allow him back he just gains more control i have personal experience of 15 years lets chat ill support you any way i can
2007-02-02 01:30:53 · answer #11 · answered by vickann38 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋