I've been married to my husband for 7 years. We have 3 children, I stay home with. We got married at 20. The MAIN (i'm afraid only) reason I married him is b/c I "heard" God tell me that I was supposed to. (I was praying one night and ask God who I was supposed to marry, like I'd done for several years, and his name was right there - we weren't even dating, that's a whole other story).We got along fine, until real life set in and we had bills, responsibilities, kids, etc. So I know there are going to be disagreements, but... I feel like we just don't connect. I can think of a few past relationships that I didn't have to try. We just got along and had fun. I'm not saying I want out b/c I have to put in extra effort, I just need some advice. We have a very open relationship. When we were talking this morning, he said that he feels like I would be fine if it was just me and the kids. Like I don't need him. And alot of times I do feel that way. What should I do?
2007-02-01 23:31:03 · 17 answers · asked by HELP 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There never was a "spark" in our marriage.
2007-02-01 23:36:52 · update #1
dont give up ... try to put the spark back into your marriage .... God told you to marry him .... you were obedient .. he wont reward your obediance with an unhappy unfulfilling marriage ... he hates divorce ... talk to your husband .. tell him that you feel like the two of you are drifting ... and that you want to have that old feeling of love back ... take time to date each other again ... just you and him ... find a baby sitter ... get away ... work at your marriage .... marriage takes work ... work at it ... you'll be rewarded ... the latter will be greater the past!
2007-02-01 23:34:45 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like the seven year itch to me. Give it some time. Don't walk away from your marriage. Life wouldn't be easier without him it would be harder. You'd still have all those bills and then two households to support. Try to put a little zip back into your marriage. It sounds like you can still talk to each other and that's good. The past relationships where you didn't have to try were easy. Well of course they were! You had no children, no money issues and when it got tough you could just walk away. This is real life not some fantasy relationship you can just skip away from unscathed. You have children to consider now. You and your husband should do everything you can to save it.
2007-02-02 00:06:55 · answer #2 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh This sounds just like myself.But if you are looking for the perfect man let me save you some time there isn't one.Nor the perfect woman.We've been married for almost 26 years.I've had one too much older than me(looking for a father I guess)One that was fun great in bed but no future.And this one is 3 months younger not great in bed but a good provider and good dad to our kids and now grand kids,you just have to work on what is wrong and always remember what brought you together to start with and I'm sure it was more than just prayer.If you are spending more than he can make stop it,If he needs encouragement to get a better education or get a better job help him.Life is very stressful especially if he is taking care of everything.Life is like a box of chocolates
2007-02-01 23:54:12 · answer #3 · answered by 50+ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whatever you do dont just walk out on this marriage. Try talking to you husband... tell him you feel a little disconnected to him and that you want to try and fix it.
Are you like most couples? Have you put being a 'mother and father' before your relationship? In other words...do you make time for your partner?
If not maybe you could try having a 'date' night... once a week.
Go out to the movies with your hubby... take a walk... or if you have really young children and you cant leave them... well you could put them to bed then have a romantic dinner with your hubby... take a long hot bath together...
just do whatever you have to do to put that spark back to into your relationship
You...your husband and your children deserve it.
Give it a go...what do you have to loose.
2007-02-01 23:44:10 · answer #4 · answered by Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main problem with listening to God is, if the words come out of your head instead the Bible, you never know if it is you or if it is God talking, that is until it doesn't work out.
What I do know is God definitely gave us rules about the break up of marriages. Unless he is cheating, or a threat to you and the kids you don't have a Biblical reason for leaving him.
I know it is hard, my marriage hasn't always been easy, but when I became I a Christian I knew God wanted me to stick with him even if I didn't want to. And somehow God made it happen, dealing with my husband somehow became easier. We have now been together for sixteen years, fourteen of them God is responsible for, and I am happier with him then I used to think I could be.
2007-02-01 23:46:34 · answer #5 · answered by Mad Maxine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay with him. Remember the grass is always greener on the other side. How married very young and didn't had time to experiment with relationships. To fun things together, like go tenpin bowling or ice-scating as a family. Keep your mind busy thinking about what you have and not what you could have. \be thankful for 3 great children and an even greater husband. I think you are bored, get a hobby. Go to the gym, learn something new. Get something to occupy your sparetime, so you don't have time to think about other things that could draw your attention of your marriage. Try to connect with your husband by doing things that he like with him. Best of luck to you!!
2007-02-01 23:42:33 · answer #6 · answered by randy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
U should have cross checked whether god really wanted u to marry him. Marriage is a serious matter and not to become superstitous and listen to god, who I feel, won't give instructions for a trivial matter like marriage. God is spirit and marriage is a very earthy matter. What u say does'nt make sense. Now that u do not connect, will god help u ?
2007-02-01 23:48:29 · answer #7 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it looks like I am going to take your bait. You said, "God told you to marry this guy." You need to take the hit for this marriage. It's your responsibility, don't blame God." I feel sorry for him (husband). How come God didn't just tell you to give this man pleasure? Interesting isn't it, that God told you to do something that you wanted all along. However, if you are still convinced that he told you to marry this man, was God wrong?
2007-02-01 23:46:33 · answer #8 · answered by sowhat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweeted if god told you,an i belive he did,You got to be strong,an hold on,i think right now it more the bill that comeing in ,is the real problem,,,but you need to learn one thing marrieed is a 50 /50 deal,it take both to work at it,an he is wanting you to be happy,by saying you be fine with out him,but what he realy doing is hurtting,knowing you dont want to be married to him,,,all married have their up an down, you find their be good road an bad road, If you just try a little harder an hang in you find it be better sooner
2007-02-01 23:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You took an oath to stay married! I would say most relationships hit this point after many years together. What is the upside of you 2 splitting? There isn't any! You 2 have children that should be the 1st thing you think of instead of yourselves. You say you have an open relationship,then this should be VERY workable! Good luck & i hope that you guys do the right thing & work it out! B.c.
2007-02-01 23:39:03 · answer #10 · answered by BOB C 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋