Ideal partner?

Question

What would constitute the ideal partner for you? what do you look for? Have you found "The one"?

Answer 1

A partner, or spouse who loves, without attachments! "Please read all the following information patiently, to understand what is meant by that" It is not what you think. Thank You, and have a great weekend.

“Love vs. Attachment”

What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being attached to them ?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other persons welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfull our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggertes others' good qualitities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love ? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.

But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.

Desiring to be with the people alot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.

Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestamates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear one's and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearences, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds watn to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own
minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, many magnificient qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generousity, concentration and wisdom.'

'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pasifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definately have successful friendships and personal relationships with others !! These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others, and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.

Answer 2

I never had a specific plan of the ideal man. Maybe he could like the same music, films, food etc, but all I really wanted was to meet someone who was my equal, my best friend and good looking/fanciable, who I loved and who could love me back in all the same ways. I never wanted to settle for second best or for money.

I believe I have found the one. He's all these things and more. He's not got money, but he's got everything I need to make me happy. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

OMG, I've just read this back, I'm such a bloody hippy! - sorry!

Answer 3

maximum cancers: Your suited better half has his/her ft firmly on the floor and feeds on your thoughts. He/she is to blame, solid and waiting to construct an particularly risk-free abode. He /she is an magnificent protector and conserves innovations and achievements nicely. you're inspired via his/her ambition and this may well be a walk on the tight rope, given which you wish that this guy or woman won't develop into workaholic and ignore your emotional desires.

Answer 4

the ideal partner would be someone who loved and respected me, who trusted me and who never intentionally hurt me, and someone for whom all this was reciprocated back

yes, i'd also want someone intelligent and who made me laugh, who'd look after me when i'm feelin poorly and who wants the saem things out of life as me, but i think really the important thing is that they treat me like i deserve - with love and respect

Answer 5

Few qualities you can check for a long term healty relation?
a) Interest areas
b) Why HE/SHE IS interested in you?
c) Family background
d) Do you really love hime or it's compromise of being pragmatic

Answer 6

When all around is falling down or all around is stable. I laugh at Mr B because he looks like Betty Grabel.

Answer 7

yes i have found the one it took me 37 yrs and 1 bad mirage

he make me feel complete and whole
he makes me laugh and always treats me like a queen
he makes me feel safe and that i can concur the world

Answer 8

yep i found the one and twenty years on we love each other more than we did when we twenty years ago. we just clicked we formed a friendship that way we really knew each other

Answer 9

Nope.

Answer 10

ten inches....i dont think it exists, although everyone you chat to on the net seems to have one.lmao !