Married my husband (who came from Turkey to the UK)19 years ago, didn't know that he was 13 years younger ( told me 8 years) and didn't know that his father a womaniser had left the home and tha my husband would be completely responsible for his mother and sister. I can cope with him financially supporting them, but its difficult to understand the emotional attachment he has to them. Last year I found out he was cheating and he eventually moved out to his own place. He said he had enough of commitment and responsibilities (I can understand). I have been patient and loving to him and pointed out that he doesn't have to feel responsible for me or our daughter because we are capable. He comes to our house 3/4 per week and we carry on as a couple but things are different now. He has gone to Turkey for 3 weeks because he wants to buy his mother a bigger place but only phones home every 3 days. Feel it is not enough am reluctant to phone him don't want to seem to be checking up on him
2007-02-01 22:02:54 · 7 answers · asked by jospinelli 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
13 years younger sure is some difference for a young turk (no pun intended there).
Don't know how old you are now, but 19 years of marriage sure tells me both of you really value your relatonship - and that is very very admirable.
Should you call him? Of course you should! He is still your husband for goodness sake and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I actually believe he will appreciate it, that is if you avoid the temptation of nagging him or being subtly sarcastic or abusive.
I really do hope you are not afraid (would that actually be 'ashamed'?) to TELL him you love and miss himand wish he were around sooner - you apparently do, don't you?
So ring away and ask about his health, and the new place, etc. Tell him some home news too...he shouldn't be the only one to call bcos Love ain't a one way street. God bless you good
2007-02-01 22:27:48 · answer #1 · answered by markfeelgood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes ring him whenever. Maybe half way between the times he calls (every 3 days). Of course it may then take him longer to get round to calling you. But at least it will show that you are still taking initiative. Don't want him feeling like he must call you because it's expected of him. I.E. I could easy a bit of the responsibility off of him while he is there.
Sorry to hear about the long term problem. I think the no pressure approach is probably the best. People under pressure/feeling trapped can do things they regret. Hang in there.
God bless.
2007-02-02 06:10:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is difficult. The bottom line is he is your husband. You should be able to call him when ever you wish.
It does say something about how he feels about you if he doesn't feel the need to keep in touch more often. You should think about what that means and if you want that for yourself.
If it was me, I would file for divorce. That is not a real marriage and you are depriving yourself of what a truly happy and loving marriage is.
I know things will work out for you. Good Luck!
2007-02-02 06:14:24 · answer #3 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think "checking up on him" is the major problem. I think you should "check him out". It's obvious that he's not a man of truth or honesty, and he has proven that to you by your own words many times over. His main priority should be for you, his wife, and for his child. I know you must be overwhelmed in many areas, and torn a part, but you have to cut the binds and free yourself. I wouldn't bother calling him because it seems as if his time and concern is not for you or your child. If you are going to call him, tell him it's over, and as you said, you can manage without him. Please do it because you deserve better for yourself.
2007-02-02 06:10:39 · answer #4 · answered by gone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's your husband & he's left a child with you.he should be responsible for both of your whether it's financially or emotionally(most especially for his kid). so you have a right to call him as often as you want. the fact that he's lied to you about his own age & even cheated on you passes him off as a selfish person who's taking advantage of your kindness and love
2007-02-02 06:24:15 · answer #5 · answered by therna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear...this relationship has been over. you need to move on with your life. he has made his decision about how and what he wants to do. don't just sit there...hang out with your friends...get some hobbies..anything. but don't just sit there.
2007-02-02 09:19:41 · answer #6 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would divorce him
2007-02-05 17:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋