My husband has two children from a previous relationship. One has autism, and one has autism and epilepsy. I have been staying home taking care of them for the last five years. I also have a son from a previous relationship and we have a daughter together.
His childrens mom hasn't been in the picture and they only know me as mom. When I try to talk to him about them or their schooling he doesn't want to hear about it like it's a burden. It's like him and his ex-wife have pawned them off on me and want nothing to do with them. I love them but I can't do this alone...
We have fought on and off our whole marriage...sometimes it is perfect...other times it is really bad.
I am getting so emotially drained I want to just leave and make better life for my two children. I try to tell him why I'm upset and he just turns everything around like it's my fault. I am only 23 and have really stepped up taking care of our family. It's like he doesn't appreciate me. What should I do?
2007-02-01 16:53:52 · 14 answers · asked by ~*SuMmEr*~ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, honey. This is a tough situation. First of all, thank you for being the responsible adult and taking care of these children; it sounds like you're the only one in their lives. And yes, he and the ex-wife are taking advantage of you. My suggestion... sit him down and tell him that you are not satisfied with the situation and tell him specifically what has to happen for you to stay around. Don't talk about emotions or relationships, men just tune out stuff like that, just say "you have to do this and this and this..." If he won't meet you at least halfway then you may have to leave. You're too young to spend your life taking care of everyone else and cleaning up other people's messes (literally and figuratively). Your own kids might be better off in a situation in which their needs don't always come second to another kid's. Best of luck.
2007-02-01 17:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! Your husband is WRONG! He should be kissing the ground you walk on. This is a hard one. It depends on if you love these children as your own. IF you do, then you should stay and go to counseling with or without your husband. This is amazing that both parents have pawned this children off on you. Do you love your husband? If you think you can walk away from these children and want to, then by all means do so. They are not your blood. Although, you are all they have. IF you left your husband, do you think he would rethink this situation? IF so, perhaps you could try. Perhaps you should get a part time job when your husband is home and then he would have to take care of the kids. I am sorry that life has handed this to you at such a young age. I guess the bottom line is.... you know what is in your heart. Good luck!
2007-02-02 01:05:32 · answer #2 · answered by Jackie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to say this is a hard one. i was 22 when i married my now ex husband. He has two sons from a previous relationship, one of which was bi polar and the other deaf. The mom was not around either, neither of them even realized their child might have a hearing problem at the age of 3 when he couldn't say a single word. I should have taken the sign then that something was wrong. but anyway point is in the end i had to take care of the kids i had with him and myself and in order to do that i had to leave him.... it was soo hard to leave my stepsons behind but is what i had to do. You cant be in this situation alone you must have help. they are your family and you want to take care of these great little guys I'm sure but you need to look at the big picture too. you cant take care of anyone if your worn out and stressed out all the time.... You are a wonderful loving women to have stepped up and taken care of your family like this, but you need to insist the other adults here behave like adults and start helping. You can only be super mom for so long b/f you will break. trust me i know. good luck i hope they come around and see all the good you are doing for their kids and that you know you are doing a great thing even if they don't see it or forget to tell you.
2007-02-02 02:55:17 · answer #3 · answered by survivedlasvegas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost...You are a wonderful person. You have took on a challenge many would not even consider and you are so young. Your husband is a jerk for not appreciating all that you have done for his children. Please look in your community for support groups for parents with autistic children. From there you may find resources available to you to help with the children. I cannot help you with your husband as he is an ungrateful, selfish man. If you leave him I understand. Try to find help for the kids and spend some quality time on yourself. You deserve it more than most people I know. Look for the support groups and decide if your husband is worth all this emotion. It will be hard if you leave him, but he needs to understand and be grateful for you. You are truly an angel! God Bless!
2007-02-02 11:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by journeysmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This would be a difficult spot for anyone to be in, and your being 23 makes it even more so. You need to take care of yourself. You need a strong support system, someone to confide in, and you need assistance. I would recommend therapy for you, perhaps individual and group. Your husband's kids are your responsibility to only an extent. You are not a substitute care giver, nor should you be expected to be or treated as such. I urge you to get some therapy so that you can clearly see your options from the outside looking in. Good luck and God bless....
2007-02-02 00:59:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is one mistake that men and women do can possibly destroy their marriages, by marrying someone who already has kids from a previous marriage. The reason why I say that is because the situation you are in and so are many others.
You already knew that your husband had kids of his own. So you knew what you were getting yourself into. And now that this is happening, you need to stick it out! You have made your vows with him "For better for worse, in sickness and in health", the kids come with the package!
You are taking care of them because you first decided to watch them right? Plus, you must do a good job too. There is no perfect marriage.
If you are tired of watching the kids, then you need to sit and talk to him about him helping out when he gets home from work. Now that you two are raising 4 kids altogether, they are ALL yours and his responsibility. So step up to the plate and ask him fo help, but STOP the nagging and complaining, those kids need guidance and love, stop thinking about how you feel and what you need, they need to feel loved too! Stop being selfish and start acting like parents with them.
You as parents, need to stop the argueing and start acting like parents to your kids. You can do it if you came this far.
I would recommend two books, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".
Remember, they are both of your kids now, so be a responsible parent. Take turns! They all need you and your help. (smile)
Plus, have your husband watch them while you take a break, like going for a walk, or shopping, you need the pamper too!
2007-02-02 01:32:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to first ask yourself:
Why are you 23 and in this kind of situation?
Are you looking or wanting to take care of people?
Is the mother of the children paying child support?
Do you want to continue this way of living for not only another year, but for the rest of your life?
- just from your description here, you don't sound happy, it doesn't sound like a good position, or environment, or way of life, so it sounds like it's time to pack up and move on to bigger and better things. Take good care of what is yours, and keep going.
-k
2007-02-02 01:00:29 · answer #7 · answered by Kory K 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that you are leaving in a week and that you need the break that they are your kids even though you love them as your own that you are tired. I feel as you that you are there to care for the kids only. I would then leave in a week for a week or 2 see how much he misses you and let him see how hard it really is. then he might see that you are doing more then he really knows you are doing and figure out that you need him to help out also. sit him down and tell him this and if he don't listen then do as i suggested and enjoy your life you are to young for all this and especially to let him do as he wants and you are always stuck. I myself would leave for good and move on with out him.
2007-02-02 01:22:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all i give you props for doing what you do and at such a young age as well.unfortunatly some men thinks that it is the wifes job to take care of the kids, however you are not thier biological mother.buthe still should be interseted in things that go on in school, thier health and what not.if you have tried talking to him and that doesnt work, take yourself on a little vacation.make him be daddy and see how he is.maybe he has lost the feeling of being thier for his kids in that way.make him help with thier homework, and bring up how the kids day went at dinner time,tll him you want him to be more involved.if that still doesnt work, then think about you ohter options about leaving with your kids.or go audition for wife swap, lol
2007-02-02 01:02:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sound like you need to let him know that there are two in this
marriage not one. he need to help with the children. it not
fair to to you. but it really sound like he only marry you so that
you can take care of the kids. also you are only 23 you also
need to have a life for your self as well. time to get counseling
to deal with this everyone or it time to get out.
2007-02-02 01:03:45 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋