In my last question I asked about my brother. We have fun and laugh alot.. but I had some issues with our relationship. So I emailed him some bounderies that I wanted established. He was rude back (very rude coming across like he didn't care about my bounderies or take them seriously). So I told him that until he can resepct my bounderies.. he is out of my family's life (mine and my kids). It got really serious fast.. I didnt' think it would come to that. He emailed me back telling me that I was being maniputlative yet again and holding my kids randsom. That really hurt my feelings (even though I will take it as constructive cristism and think about it). I just said "I meant what I said and I am sorry I called you names (I got mad after he was rude and said some things I shouldn't). Was I being hormonal or irrational... or did I do ok? I was only trying to set bounderies... was I being manipulative?
2007-02-01 16:33:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Being honest about your needs and desires is not the same thing as being manipulative. I actually get the impression that your brother is not very mature, and so (by accusing you of ridiculous things like "holding [your] kids ransom") is actually manipulating you to avoid having to face his own shortcomings. It's a juvenile tactic at best.
Having said that, yes, you are hormonal, and good for you in recognizing it, and considering the possibility that you might have been wrong. Take my word for it, however: you weren't wrong, especially because you're pregnant. This is a time in your life when you need support and low stress levels, and so you -- not your brother -- are the one who should be setting boundaries to get you the support you need and keep your stress low.
So let's assume that, due to hormones (and probably just being fed up with him) you were harsh about it; a good person would take a deep breath, realize that it's your health and well-being that's important right now, and do what you ask. Instead, he's being petty, childish and manipulative -- and so it sounds like keeping him away from your family is exactly what you should be doing right now, unless he starts respecting your boundaries.
Good luck, and congratulations on your new baby.
PS: have your husband, boyfriend, parent or relative talk to him about this; part of keeping your stress low is not having to deal with this issue. Let other people fight your battle for you. Consider it a baby shower gift.
2007-02-01 16:39:06 · answer #1 · answered by big_bowl_of_meat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I understood your question, you said these things to your brother, your kids uncle? Correct. I can tell you from experience, I have two kids of my own, that you get mad and say things sometimes out of anger. In your case it could have been a combination of both anger and hormones. It doesn't make it right but I'm sure your brother cares deeply about you and your kids and will forgive you. One thing you should never do, my opinion as a father and an uncle, is use the kids against him in any way. Your kids are innocent and do not know any better, you can be upset with your brother and vice versa, but you should still have the respect. Not only for you and your brother, but for your kids as well. I don't mean to get all Dr. Phil on you but just a little food for thought. Take care and good luck with everything.
2007-02-02 00:42:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes You were being Irrational, Hormonal and Manipulative! And You know it too. Set all the boundaries and parameters that You like. But don't then cross them by encroaching other people's lives. Black mail only ever works if You have a position of power from which to negotiate. And that doesn't happen when You are talking about Your own family. A simple apology, without the need to mention Your 'Hormonal, Irrational state of Mental Health' should suffice to get You two back in each others good books. If worse comes to worse ring Him and ask Him His opinion or advise on some subject. We men like that sort of thing.
2007-02-02 00:45:10 · answer #3 · answered by Ashleigh 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he can't respect your boundaries then he obviously doesn't want to be a part of your life. I haven't spoken to my sister for 3 years because of the same stuff.
2007-02-02 00:37:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
telling someone, a family member that they out of ur life, really hurts &should only be said if that person is the cause of a serious situation (drugs, crime &bad influence in ur life)
U may have boundries-he should have resected them. try &speak to him, ask him to respect them, but dont take him out of ur life --good luck.
2007-02-02 00:47:19 · answer #5 · answered by Phoenix21 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think maybe u should think about what u said to him. and agree you both where being unreasonable to each-other you can't replace a brother. i know i lost my brother in a car accident
2007-02-02 00:38:33 · answer #6 · answered by prettynpinksub 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋