I can't believe the number of questions I'm seeing that are basically someone looking for blessing (from strangers, no less) to walk out on their marriage. What happened to making a commitment and sticking to it? What happened to for better or worse? Why is it that the second a woman feels "unfulfilled" she's looking for a new man or ready to run out the door? Don't even get me started on the responses... hubby doesn't do dishes? File for divorce. He doesn't send flowers? Get a boyfriend. Are there any sane people left out there? Ok, I know there are, because I've seen a few of you respond, but we are SERIOUSLY outnumbered. Marriage is supposed to be forever, so why does divorce seem to be the first option for most people?
2007-02-01 16:21:15 · 31 answers · asked by ~StepfordWife~ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As to 98% not being happily married - that's way off. The majority of women I know ARE happily married. Those that are miserable in a marriage and walk out tend to be miserable as singles, and miserable in the second marriage too. So maybe it's not all about happiness, maybe it should be more about the commitment and learning to be happy with what you have.
2007-02-01 16:31:39 · update #1
To big_bowl - I'm sorry, I should have put that disclaimer in myself. Though I'm not a believer in divorce on demand, in the case of abuse, addiction, or adultery (this one's iffy in my mind) divorce can and should be an option.
2007-02-01 16:38:42 · update #2
Wow i love that you did this... Thanks for bringing this up... Great question!!!! Yeah what is happening to sticking it out and working on it... If people chose to do this instead of wanting out over every little thing we would see way more success and less divorce rates in our marriages and society... Sad part is most people are too selfish and self centered to want to work it out and try to save the marriage... They just want he easy way out... But divorce is never easy and usually causes alot of heartache and pain and is much more painful then working on the marriage and getting through things together. Marriage is to be forever but most people dont mean their vows when they say them... They think they are just words. I for one hate divorce and love my marriage and my husband very much.... Yes we have had hard times but we work through them and are closer because of it:) Love and marriage is what you make of it.... Respect for marriage seems to be going out the window and down the tubes... Very sad but very true.. You make some very good and valid points here.. Why even marry if you cannot mean your vows when you say them and marry for the right reasons?
2007-02-01 16:29:32 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you look back on television and music it use to be t.v was about married couples and music was way more romantic. As people watch these shows or listen to the music the more they think wow that must be the life. It is so easy to get married and so easy to get a divorce now a days. It is rather sad if you ask me. People divorce over the stupidest things like you said my husband doesn't take out the trash or buys them any flowers. For a guy it is not enough sex or they are bored in the bedroom and not getting what they want. Couples do not communicate and are so busy now due to the fact they both have to work. Now it is more about keeping up with the Jones's instead of working on your marriage.
2007-02-01 17:09:33 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you. To me marriage is a sacred thing and people shouldn't play with it. It's not some thing that you should get into and then jump right back out faster than than you got in. People need to grow up. If your old enough to get married then your old enough to deal with the sh** that comes with it. "For better or for worse" isn't that the way it should be. I think people should only be able to get married once. If you do it right the first time then you won't have to do it again. There shouldn't be any 2nd, 3rd, or 4th chances. What makes people think that its ok to throw one marriage away and start over? This isn't a game where you can start over if you don't like how the game is being played. You should deal with whatever happens instead of taking the easy way out. Thanks for posting this question. Its good to know I am not the only person who believes in marriage and vows anymore. Sorry that i didn't answer you question. I kind of just added to it.
2007-02-01 16:33:50 · answer #3 · answered by angleyez_18 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a good question. I always thought I'd get married but now into my early 30s, not out of default, but moreso out of a growing disinterest to deal with the sort of issues you mentioned....I'm more than likely going to remain single. And I am thinking women out there might have similar reasons for not wanting to get married. If your spouse is gonna cheat, it's not worth the heartache...I'd rather be single. In my parents era divorce wasn't as much of an option....and neither was cheating.....people were more likely to remain faithful and work through the difficulties of their marriage. I know it's getting repetitive to say this, but I think it's just a sign of the times. I would be interested to see the what the 'family' looks like in 50 years.....will mother and father even be words? hehe who knows.
2007-02-01 16:32:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its a decline in morals,people turning there backs on faith,people getting married to young,people not meaning what they say when they say there vows.
In general its a breakdown in society. Its now easy to get a divorce and in some states free.
Most people dont think of it as forever,,,at least not anymore.
one little thing creeps up and its out the door they go. And most people dont get married in the christian perspective anymore either.
I feel out numbered too because when you say your vows - you should meen it,and it is for better or for worse. If you get married its forever,and its supposed to be 50/50,you stick together through the good and the bad and work things out
2007-02-01 16:35:04 · answer #5 · answered by country_girl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are exactly right. The marriage vows to some people are a joke. Seems many are in love, but has no idea of what love really is about. Forsaking all others, in the vows, many have no clue. Marriage is suppose to be a sacred union. So many forget or just do not care. Guess I am old fashion, but I was raised by parents that their word was their bond. I think when a person makes vows, they need to keep them.
2007-02-01 16:30:03 · answer #6 · answered by m c 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is SOOOOOO true. My husband and I have only been married for 5 years, but we have been through more than some people that have been married for 20 years, and we have NEVER, EVER considered getting divorced. I had 3 early miscarriages, our son almost died when he was born almost 3 months early, and I spent almost everyday at the hospital with him for the 10 weeks he was there, and last Aug we lost a baby girl born at 21 weeks. Some people just give up way too easy. I guess they think it is easier to give up than to try to stay married.
2007-02-01 16:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As someone in a strong, committed marriage, I'm going to skip the rhetorical part of your question and get right to answering the question "marriage is supposed to be forever, so why does divorce seem to be the first option for most people?"
First, you may believe that marriage is supposed to be forever, because you were raised that way. Others are raised to believe that getting married -- period -- is important, and so are less careful about who they marry; still others are raised by divorced parents themselves, and so don't believe that marriage is a forever thing.
Second, you may assume that divorce is the "first option" for many couples experiencing trouble -- and for some it is -- but for many, it's not about being the first option; it's about fearing the worst. A person in a bad marriage, who feels like it's not going to last, isn't afraid of counseling or separation; they're afraid of divorce, and so that's how the questions are phrased.
Finally, it is entirely possible to be in a marriage that is better off dissolved. Suppose you were married to someone who lost his job, then started drinking, then started beating you regularly; suppose you were married to someone whom you caught molesting your kids. Some marital problems are absolutely worth working out, if the two people involved are good people who deserve to be happy, but in those two scenarios I just described keeping the marriage together would take second fiddle to protecting yourself and your children.
Still, keep in mind that this board is a lot like television and films; television and films keep you interested by collecting lots of drama into a small slice of time. Similarly, people on these boards are either at the end of their ropes or in really bad situations, or just confused -- meanwhile, for each one of them, there are hundreds (if not thousands) of married couples out there working out their problems and keeping their marriages together. You'll just never see those people here, because they (like most people) are able to work out their problems together.
In fact, you could say that if someone ends up asking for assistance with a bad marriage on this board, it is statistically very likely that they or their partner simply don't have the communication skills necessary to work it out themselves -- that's why they come here! People like that need to get into counseling, and usually that's what people suggest they do (or should suggest.)
Oh, and about there being sane people out there; a lot of the people on these boards are young and foolish, or just having fun and not taking the questions seriously, or are themselves killing time while waiting for their own foolish questions to be answered. For every handful of people like that, there's someone like me who takes the time to consider the question and make an honest attempt to help. Whether this ratio of worthless/helpful people is representative of the ratio found in the real world is an exercise left to the reader.
I hope this helps.
2007-02-01 16:33:47 · answer #8 · answered by big_bowl_of_meat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are misunderstanding some of the questions. Most of the people just need an answer they would not dare to ask some one close to them. It is the society that tells us to work as hard as you can on your marriage and stick to it regardless. But what happened with the happiness. What if one is simply not happy? Shall we live the rest of your life in desperate state of unhappiness and depression? I think NOT. When it comes down to it, if all the at temps had been made, if all the arguments failed to come to kiss-n-make up. then only one thing left to do....leave.
2007-02-01 16:29:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The goverment has made it easy for people to get divoriced these days- throw away marriages is what I call them! I have been married to the same man for 28 years and no I haven't been happy all this time and no it hasn't been easy either and yes he has hurt me and yes I have hurt him and yes he use to send flowers and no he doesn't anymore and yes we use to make love 4x a day and no we don't have sex period anymore but am I running to a lawyer- NO! Why because marriage is til Death we do part!Have I wanted to divorice yes how many times have I come close-more times than I care to count but here I sit not necessarily happy but I have a decent home, a nice yard a part time job food in my fridge heat and water two adult kids and one beautiful grandaughter and all that makes up for any of the bad crap and makes me stay where I am!!
2007-02-01 16:29:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋