daughter is sad what can i do?

Question

My daughter lives with me and rarely sees her dad , she loves him so much and i understand that,and i want her to but he always hurts her so bad , 2 yrs ago at xmas he promised her he had sent her gifts and they would come at the same time her bday present came cause they are so close together (2 weeks dif) she watched the mail for 2 months and nothing came , i asked him about it in private and he told me he couldnt afford it,i told him i understood, but she doesnt so i asked him not to do that
the problem is , this past xmas 1 month ago he done it to her again and she is once again looking for gifts in the mail , he doesnt pay child support and i know how much money he makes , I dont want to hurt her and it bothers her so much if i hurt her dads feelings , and he tells her if i do and then she cries . and i dont know what i should do ,i really dont think he is sending anything this time either . its like hes just trying to appease her and not realizing what its doing to her .

Answer 1

Take her to a counselor ASAP, you too!!! I have been there and I use to act like you. You are hurting your child also! Please get some help!!! He is a DEADBEAT SPERM DONOR!!!

Answer 2

Honestly? Here's what I would do in your position: send her some gifts in his name.

Yes, you'll be covering for him, but who cares? If it makes your daughter happy, that's the important thing -- she can find out the truth later (or never) from him when she's an adult.

Meanwhile, "I can't afford it" is nonsense, because he could easily send a card with $10. Kids (especially those whose parents have divorced) will tell you that it's the attention, not the value of the gift, that matters.

So you've got an ex who lies to his daughter, can't be bothered to send a card, and makes her cry when you confront her about it? Great! You obviously made the right decision to split up! Clearly, he doesn't deserve you or her daughter. Still, your daughter deserves a father, even a lousy one, and if sending gifts on his behalf helps her think he's a better guy than he is, that will make her life better. Worst case, he might find out and tell her he didn't send the gifts, but I doubt it -- because, if he can't admit to her that he's not sending gifts, where would he find the guts to admit that the gifts she did receive weren't actually from him? He's a coward, and I think you can count on him to behave that way.

A few more things:

As far as your interactions with him about the gifts you send, there's no need to tell him unless he brings it up, and if he gets angry, tough -- you're being the man he's supposed to be, and he'll just have to live with that. At the same time, you shouldn't hound him about it, try to get refunds, or do anything else to make it about you and him. This is about you and your daughter. Oh, and the gifts "from him" should not be expensive, or accompanied by a note, just a small token.

Finally, you could also sit her down and explain that this is the kind of guy he is, and that he isn't likely to change. It will hurt, but she already knows he does this; while sending gifts in his name will cheer her up, being honest with her could help her accept his behavior and move on. I'd actually prefer that approach, except that I suspect your ex will find a way to turn it against you, perhaps when your daughter mentions your conversation while confronting him about it. He'll likely use your criticism of him to accuse you (through your daughter) of trying to spoil their relationship. I know that such an argument doesn't hold up under scrutiny, but your daughter is young and emotional, so it will leave a mark.

Good luck, and remember: if you're a good, loving mother, she'll do well in life even if her father makes her sad.

EDIT: one quick note; if you send the gifts in his name, and she thanks him for them, he may very well figure out what happened and take credit for 'em. Don't let this make you angry, because you're doing this for your daughter, and to heck with your ex.

Answer 3

What a jerk. What does he mean he can't afford a simple gift for his daughter? Even a cheap, dime-store gift and a nice note from her dad would be better than nothing. I am sorry your daughter is sad. I would just explain that her dad's going through some rough times with money and that he would get her something if he could.

Answer 4

I think the best thing you could do for your daughter is to just tell her that her father loves her in his own way. Tell her that her father does love her and probably planned to sent her something, but maybe couldn't afford it and it isn't her fault. My daughter also had a dead beat dad that never seemed to remember birthdays or her or very rarely came to see her. Of course she wished for a loving , caring dad. It was sad to see her so disappointed, but I always assured her that it wasn't her fault and her dad was just the way he was and never was going to change but he did love her. She grew to accept this. Your daughters dad should never be allowed to see her if he is going to make promises he can't keep. I

Answer 5

you must know he is a dead beat dad. I met a woman that had
2 children and their dad did exactly the same thing. I made sure
from that day on that special days like birthdays and christmas
etc. are special for them. It has really changed the lifes of all and they liked that special attention and care. Lifes short, jump in and
fill the gap. have a good day. from don

Answer 6

if he doesn't send her anything then you should get her something and just put it in the mail so she finds it, then tell him that the next time you will take him to court for phsycological damage to the child

you are not supposed to break promises to a child, it teaches them the wrong things and can mess them up really bad

Answer 7

well, no offense but your ex is being really cruel to your daughter, so i suggest you tell your daughter that her gift got 'lost' in the mail or something like that to make her feel better. try to keep your ex and her away from each other as possible.

Answer 8

I think you're doing the best job you can, it's got to be so hard!! It's a tough situation. You would think her dad had enough sense to not lie to her about the gifts. sorry i can't be of more help

Answer 9

Unfortunately, she will probably continue waiting for his gifts until she is old enough to realize that he is lying, and then she won't expect it anymore. I am 26 years old now, and my mom told me that when I was 4 years old, I would sit and wait for my daddy to come and get me and he never would. I figured out that after a while,,,,,,,,,,,,he was a liar, and a jerk. One day, as horrible as it may seem.........she is going to have to find out for herself. :(

Answer 10

id tell her dad he need's to stop lying and be honest to his child he could be made to pay child support threw the court