daughter is sad what can i do?

Question

My daughter lives with me and rarely sees her dad , she loves him so much and i understand that,and i want her to but he always hurts her so bad , 2 yrs ago at xmas he promised her he had sent her gifts and they would come at the same time her bday present came cause they are so close together (2 weeks dif) she watched the mail for 2 months and nothing came , i asked him about it in private and he told me he couldnt afford it,i told him i understood, but she doesnt so i asked him not to do that
the problem is , this past xmas 1 month ago he done it to her again and she is once again looking for gifts in the mail , he doesnt pay child support and i know how much money he makes , I dont want to hurt her and it bothers her so much if i hurt her dads feelings , and he tells her if i do and then she cries . and i dont know what i should do ,i really dont think he is sending anything this time either . its like hes just trying to appease her and not realizing what its doing to her .

Answer 1

It's important to be honest with her, without laying blame on her father, because she may feel that you are just trying to get her to not like her father.

Depending on her age, sit down with her and see if you can help her to figure out for herself. Ask her whats more important to her, that she gets to talk to her father or the gifts he may or may not get for her.

If she can realize that material things really don't matter, at least not as much as having a father to speak to even if it's occasional. There are many children who no longer have a father to speak to at all, or never had a father around.

Her father needs to be reassured that even if he does not get her a gift, she will still love him. Often times when divorce happens it affects on everyone takes twists and turns until everyone can figure out the new dynamics. Insecurities arise and everyone needs reassurance that while their lives have changed, it does not mean that it's a bad thing.

Be there for each other, reassure her and yourself that love is kindness, caring and compassionate. Love does not mean material possessions. Perhaps her father will start to realize that too.

Answer 2

Well, how old is your daughter?

If she's at an age that she can understand and listen, then you need to tell her that her father is in a bit of a tight spot right now and even though he wants to send his love to her through presents, he can't. He loves her very much and wants her to be happy and so he says he sends to make her happy and let her know he loves her.

The best that her father can do is send his love through a letter/picture/etc. Maybe a talk on the phone on Christmas.

Answer 3

i might take a "mom-daughter" trip. Then she wont be able to pass into her room and confine herself. What she incredibly desires is to be around you. And while you're in the motor vehicle you have alot of time to talk, and who is conscious, possibly she will open as much as you. you may build a relationship. it could be issues in college, boyfriends, or maybe something undesirable got here about which you dont be conscious of. yet i does not take this gently, if she is crying like that i might incredibly resolve it. i for my section think of a dash holiday could help you the two. and you dont even could spend alot of money, pass tenting, trekking, something. or merely spend some days together. :) i desire she gets better. <3

Answer 4

You need to fight for the child support. If you can, talk to him and find out if he's really sending something. If he's not, get her something, even if it's small and send it to her yourself. Then tell him if he does it again, you are going to court to try to have his visitation suspended because you can't stand the way he hurts her, and stick to your guns. He has to either be responsible or be gone.
If you have to do this, explain it to your daughter. Make sure she understands why you are doing this and just be there for her.

Answer 5

In the first place, that creep needs to be taken to court and made to pay child support or go to jail. He is a cold hearted piece of crap, doing that child like that. I would never let anyone do my child like that one time, much less continue to do it. You need to tell him to stop flat lying to her. A child is smarter than we give them credit for. A child can understand if someone says, i love you and wish I could get you a gift, but i am broke. Lying to a child damages the child for years. You need to stop pampering this guy and force him to pay child support. Stop letting him make false promises to the child.

Answer 6

I also have a birthday near Christmas. My father did the same thing to me when I was a kid. It hurts your daughter, probably, more than you realize. It could also damage her self esteem in later years. Put a stop to this, now.
I also suggest that you set clear restrictions with her father on what he can and cannot converse, with your daughter. Especially, if it's upsetting her.

Answer 7

you are in a tough spot. I suggest - - get your daughter a present she wants, wrap it, put it into a box, go to the post office and mail it. She does not need to know you got it for her. It is important she will form a good opinion of her father as she is growing up. The truth will come out when it's time. Good luck to you!!!!

Answer 8

that is a tough one, my dad did it to me once and nothing would cheer me up. does her dad have enough money to just put a few dollars in a card? maybe that and a phone call would be enough. or what about you could buy something and say its from him, not that you want to give him the credit but its for your daughter not him.

Answer 9

I'm a good person. Young kids can be easily entertained, in the future don't let him promise you or her anything!

Answer 10

He sounds like a real looser. Maybe for her sake it would be better to not allow him in her life until he can start being honest and stop disappointing her. I would not allow this looser to keep hurting my daughter over and over, she is better off without him. She is going to grow up not trusting men.