My exfiance and I broke up last June, he has 2 young girls that live with their mom, 6 & 8 they were and are still very attached to me, I love them very much and since the break up their mom wants me to stay in touch.
He has since met someone he no longers wants me to be apart of their lives, their mom whom they live with feels different.
I have decided to stay away, and I have, at Xmas since he got a DUI he was not able to get them (they live 110 miles away) they called me i offered was able to see them for a short while and have not seen them since, they have called me several times, their mom says they want to see me.
They were here for 4 days witht heir dad and I never once tried to see them. The oldest called me crying, she said she wanted to see me but her Dad would not let her cuz he and his new love don't like me, her mom wants me to see them and I want to, his new fiance has 5 kids,of her own, and doesn't want me to see the girls, how do I tell a little girl, i can't.
2007-02-01 15:43:41 · 10 answers · asked by snickerdoodle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
They are little and don't understand the dynamics of adult life and its complexities. A gentle easing off would be better then a complete blunt break. It doesn't matter what their father wants, he does not have custody of them, and it especially doesn't matter what his new girlfriend wants.
If their mother has asked you to see them or speak to them, and if you are able to manage the emotional challenges that come with being a part of their life, then I say go for it.
A few rules:
Don't talk bad about their dad in front of them, that is damaging and will cause them to have a distorted view of relationships. They have enough to contend with, without that being a part of their lives.
Don't side with their mother against their father. That should not be your role in their lives.
Be a favored auntie type person to them. Every child needs a favorite auntie, someone they can confide in, when they don't feel as if they can to their mum or dad.
2007-02-01 16:02:48 · answer #1 · answered by T esira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Missingora. However, by seeing them (something I very much think is in their best interest) you will be creating conflict between their mother and your ex-fiance, you and your ex, you and your ex-fiance's lover de jour, all of which will have some spillover effects on the two girls. I think your ex is being horribly selfish about this but you might like to contemplate whether the positives you bring to the girls' lives will be outweighed by the negatives your presence will stir up.
2007-02-01 15:56:09 · answer #2 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have a good relationship with the girls and their mother, I see no reason to punish them or yourself because he is small about who YOU can talk to. She has legal custody of them so she can go to the court if he causes any severe problems.
I am in the process of divorcing after 21 years. I plan on keeping in touch with her family as they seem to understand that SHE was the problem. We have three children, two minors. We had a four, a son who died of cancer shortly after the separation. His cancer and my wife's depression were the reasons for the divorce, since she didn't want to go into councelling with me. Anyway, back to your question.
I love our children and miss them greatly. She is poisoning them against me but I still get to see them. I also plan on seeing her family as they are very nice people and we always got along. Our children will learn, as they get older, that she has problems and they will forgive her. But they will learn more respect for me, (hopefully), because I plan on keeping in touch with her family as well as our children. The family will help show the good things. This may be something you need to think about. If you treat them with respect and they catch some negatives from their father, they should learn to forgive him and respect you more for it. You have a chance at being a positive influence on them or letting them down for reasons they can not understand. Later, they may not have the chance to respect you for staying away as all the would remember is that you never came back.
2007-02-01 16:43:35 · answer #3 · answered by georgd58 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's unfair that your ex should expect those children to lose someone close to them because of his changing love life - but then, that's obviously his modus operandi. If I were you, I'd communicate directly with the mother and make arrangements with her.
You can also send letters and little gifts to them from time to time and call them on the phone.
You're very lucky to have two little ones who care for you. It would be a big loss to all of you if you couldn't maintain that relationship.
2007-02-01 15:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by Terri J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if they are staying with their mom, i guess the mom has more authority over who can see their kids. and she wanted you to see the kids, i guess that's all the permission you need. also the new girl doesn't have any right to forbid you from seeing the girls.
well just explain to them that you want to see them, and will see them. but not very often like before. i don't know if there is a law preventing you from making friends with kids. they are just scared the the kids are much closer to you than the new girl.
2007-02-01 15:58:52 · answer #5 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Mother says what is best for the children seeing that they live with her & who ever doesnt like it,,too bad for them.The Mother feels that its in their best interest so I say definately keep in touch with them.They may also feel rejected if you dont & wont understand why at that age.Id rather have the x bf & his new whatever upset than to upset the children. I think their Mother is being really cool.
2007-02-01 15:49:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love the girls and had a good relationship with them and since it's agreeable with their mother for you to stay in touch, I think it would be very nice of you to maintain a good relationship with them. What happened between you and their father had nothing to do with them. And at this point, it's really not up to him whether you see them or not.
2007-02-01 15:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
not authentic for all individuals. My ex and that i not in any respect talk anymore, I advised her that i did not ever decide on to envision with or see her again. i do not decide on to be her chum even. he's probable doing the again pocket element like reported via the guy above. i ought to easily tell him you do not decide on to save in contact. because there is extremely no element.
2016-12-03 08:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship with the girls is between you and their mom at this point. If she doesn't mind then it shouldn't matter if that's what you want to do.
2007-02-01 15:48:53 · answer #9 · answered by Miss Pleo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no because it'll just make you sadder
2007-02-01 15:45:37 · answer #10 · answered by aiverson23@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋