What would you do if your husband keeps on lying to you?

Question

My husband keeps on telling me that he is done using tobacco. He promises me!!! This is the 5th time I have found it. He swears he won't use it again. I ask him every now and then if he has used it and he swears he hasn't touched it since I last found it. I have now lost complete faith in him with this. What would you do?

Answer 1

Support him.
It is very hard to quit and he is trying

Answer 2

No offense but if your in his face so much about it I don't blame him for lying about it. There is no use in giving him an ultimatum or get angry about it, he'll just get better at hiding it (trust me I did the same thing). If you truly want him to stop, help him don't demand he stop without helping somewhat.
You have to understand that using tobacco is not easy to quit, you can't just pull a switch and be cured. It's an addiction and a habit combined and unless you've been through it, you honestly have no idea what it's really like. The addiction is more rewarding and the consequences just don't seem important until later on when your caught or are accused the one time you didn't have one.
You have to be supportive, helpful and be his cheering squad when he succeeds. Remind him that hiding his problem is not going to hurt you ( although the lying is not well received but understood), its going to hurt him and you hope he stops so he can have a long and fulfilling, healthy life.
Stop being a nagging wife,( he knows you dislike it already) and start being his support and cheering squad. Read up on material and try and understand the battle he is up against, your his wife not his mother.

Answer 3

Ok first of all...I have been through this myself before. Both me and my husband were smokers and quit, 20 yrs ago. I found out he was sneaking cigarettes and I was so mad that I started up again too. I have now been a smoker for 25 yrs. That marriage didn't last, but it wasn't becuase of the smoking or lying.

It is extremely hard to quit smoking. I am still trying myself .
You will have to be supportive. Marriage councelling won't work. This is not a situation of his lying because he is trying to deceit you like someone is screwing around..this is because of an addiction that is very hard to break. A non smoker couldn't possibly understand it. Cigarettes are so widely available, and such a longtime often habit. Help him to quit. Suggest different things to help him get through it. Don't expect him to just quit and not fall off the wagon, because it usually takes smokers many many tries before they finally kick the habit for good.

Quitting smoking causes many withdrawl symptoms such as chest pains, sweating, insomnia, mood swings. It's very hard to get through and he will need your support. Yelling at him will not help the situation. Take him to the doctor and try an anti smoking pill or patch if he cannot do it cold turkey. I have been a long time smoker of 2 and a half packs a day and I am now down to 8 smokes a day using one of those little square butt holders you can get from the dollar store. He may be able to cut down slowly, but quitting for good is really hard, so be sympathetic. :) I guess you really have to decide, is becuase he smokes worth giving up your marriage? It's his body, and ultimately it is his decision whether or not to quit.

Answer 4

The bottom line here is that smoking is an addiction and probably the worst of all. I have tried quitting several times with no luck although I do want to. I think he doesnt want to dissapoint you and feel shamed that this is not somthing he can conquer himself! I know it is hard to be lied to, I can't stand it but addictions run deep! I am not saying forgive him. But if he cant quit on his own you should try to find some programs that will work with both of you. There are so many and most are free. But hold tight cause if he is like most normal men he wont go easy. We men seem to have a built in denial wall for admitting we have somthing we cant fix on our own. I wish you the best of luck. And hope it all works out!

Answer 5

That is really hard because a marriage should be based on trust. I know it's hard to quit smoking, cause my husband is trying to too. Actually, he keeps lying about it with me too. I know he smokes, but he swears he never smokes in the car, and I found cigarette butts in the trash in there today. It gets me mad that he has to lie about it. Do they really think we are that stupid and wont' find out?? I talk to him about how wrong it is to lie to me,and that if he would just tell me the truth I would support him to get over the smoking habit. I guess that doesn't seem to work. I'm losing complete faith in my husband too. Good luck to you, and let me know what happens! .

Answer 6

The only people who have earned the right to answer Your question are those of Us who actually were cigarette smokers. All other opinions are immaterial. Firstly You must remember that He is addicted to tobacco and that there is virtually nothing that You can do about that. Simple choice: "It's Me or the cigarettes". How strong is Your marriage? How supportive of His addiction are You prepared to be? What has He done to quit? Do You have any idea what a smoker goes through when they quit? The withdrawal symptoms are said to be worse than those of heroin! Trust Me when I tell You that giving up is not fun. I ended up smoking herbal cigarettes just to alleviate the gnawing cravings in My body. Maybe You should take up smoking and see how He enjoys it? Then You could give it up together.

Answer 7

In a sense he must really want to quit if he is lying about it. I am an ex-smoker 5years now. It is very hard and I know I lied in the begining. First couple years are tricky. There was one time I even quit smoking my cigs, just not everyone elses. I would just let him know how bad smoking/tobacco is and remind him why he wanted to quit in the first place. The bad breath, health,

Answer 8

Stop bugging him. You cannot pressure someone to do something. If he does not want to quit using tobacco you can't make him. The more you confront him the more he will hide it. Chill and let him make his own decisions. Don't act like his mother. If that is going to be hard to do and his tobacco use bothers you that bad then leave. Maybe then he will realize what he is losing and make the right choice.

Answer 9

Dear Kelly, I too have a lying husband and not to be-little your concern but I wish Tobacco was the worst of it. He smokes crack and does other drugs behind my back. In fact we just got done talking about it a little bit ago. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

I had the same problem with chewing tobacco and my boyfriend. I always knew, but couldn't prove it. I finally decided to just lay off but be as supportive as I could. He tried the patch (decided on his own) and it worked like a charm. He didn't tell me he was using it for a couple of weeks. Then he called me all excited one night to tell me how great it worked. I no longer smell it on him, find receipts for it, or find bottles of spit anywhere. I truly think he has quit, because he wasn't very good at hiding it.

Answer 11

I don't think the lying is source of the problem, it's a symptom, a symptom that can ultimately end a marriage because it leads to suspicion and mistrust. Whatever he's doing to quit isn't working. Focus on the problem. He needs help, not policing. Help him find another way to quit, patch, therapy, hypnosis, whatever. He's obviously struggling and in denial. Promising you to stop smoking is not a good program to get him off this drug. Help him quit, then tell him to stop the BS!