my husband ruined my trust in him by being abusive in many ways. now i have left him and took the children and have told him to let me go. he says he cannot do divorce he loves me. i just want to get past this part i want only to be his friend since they are treated so much better. my heart can not take the pain any more. he can not handle this. is there anyway to do this nicely? i want him to go find his true love and be happy. mean while i get to heal my heart. why cant he understand this? anyone know?
2007-02-01 14:46:52 · 22 answers · asked by kim 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there isn't a way to get a divorce without all the drama and pain that it causes to everybody, and even worst when the other person doesn't want the divorce, that's when the real problem begins, because no matter how much you want to end up in a nice way the other part will recent you and hate you to the point that he will just want to make your life miserable. For what you say it seems like you don't love him anymore, perhaps if you try to talk to him and just tell him that you don't love him anymore, that you just want to end the marriage in good terms for the children's sake, that you just have grew apart, probably if you try to reason with him, he might understand (very unlikely but not impossible). I wish you well, and keep on going now that you have decided to move on, don't turn back, you'll see how the sun will start to shine again for you and your kids, what you're living now..will shall pass!
2007-02-01 15:04:22 · answer #1 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a way to go through a divorce nicely, but not in your situation. My first wife and I got divorced two years ago and because we had no kids, assets or anything else to divide, it was pretty easy. I signed the paperwork, she went to the courthouse and the judge finalized it the same day.
I am sorry your situation is so complex. Having kids certainly doesn't make it easier because you have to explain to them (within reason) what's going on. Your husband's behavior (assuming it is true) is not good. If you are truly unhappy get out of the marriage and take care of your kids.
Remember though, you probably are going to have to have contact with him in some way or another until your children are of legal age. Try to work with him so that the two of you don't put the kids in the middle of your arguments. It will only breed resentment toward both of you (trust me, my parents were terrible).
Good luck!
2007-02-01 20:59:00 · answer #2 · answered by milwaukiedave 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to concentrate on YOU and in doing what is best for you and your children. Unfourtnatly, although I can see you mean well, there is no such thing as a nice divorce... even if your words are kind and your feelings are sincere, the end result is, you are still divorcing a man who doesnt not want a divorce...
and to be honest, i really, really respect and admire your decison... not many women can do what your doing, and im sure your hurting too, but keep in mind that your heart will heal, this i promise you with all my heart. things happen for a reason, take care of your self and your children, and with time everything will work out for the better... I wish you the best of luck and please stay strong... you are doing the right thing. you deserve a life filled with safety and happiness...and it sounds like you are finally on the road to that.
Good luck! :)
2007-02-01 15:04:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it takes two people to make a relationship, and only one to break it. If you want out, then do so. Since there are kids involved, I would strongly suggest an attorney, especially if he is not cooperating.
I went through a divorce about 10 years ago, and it was as civil/friendly as I could have hoped for. After two years of trying to work things out, I dicided it was time to call it quits. I filied the paperwork, we agreed that she would not file a response if I would show her all the paperwork before I would file them. I worked out the details and it was done.
Judging from your post, I don't think it will be as smooth for you. I hope will be civil, at least for the kid's sake.
Again, for your protection, see an attorney. DON'T go to a paralegal or whatever, just to save some money, it will cost you more in the long run.
I'm sorry about your situation. Good luck.
2007-02-01 14:56:29 · answer #4 · answered by Voice_Of_Reason 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go through it nicely, theres a way. You need to stop thinking about how he feels about the situation, over time you will both be over this - Slowly but surley, time apart is a good idea, stop taking his phone calls and dont read his messages, once he realises that it is really over, he will stop looking at you like your his wife and if he wants to be a part of your life he will accept you as a friend, follow your instincts, do what your heart can handle. Play nice & Play Fair, he will make this hard for you, dont let him. Good Luck
2007-02-01 15:17:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only nicest thing I could think of to handle the divorce, is to do everything through your lawyer and just try as hard as you can to be nice to him. You never know how people are feeling when they are going through things like this, so I would not try to have any one on one conversations with him alone. Just my opinion. Have a good night!
2007-02-01 14:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by someone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy but it can be nice. Whether it's nice for him or not is not what's most important but rather what makes you happy and ulitmately is best for your children. No one wants to feel rejected but more often than not that rejection is self inflicted which would seem to be the case with respect to your husband. If he chooses to make this not nice then that's on him but it shouldn't prevent you from believing in your decision and moving forward with your own life as a single mother.
2007-02-01 14:50:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
an abuser can not just let you just go because control is so important to them. I encourage you to still be as civil as possible because of the kids. However, you may need to hire an attorney to do most of the dealing with him because if trust is an issue how can you believe what he says about the divorce.
2007-02-01 14:53:28 · answer #8 · answered by Sati 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry--div is harder than death--it is the most painful heart wrenching thing you will ever go through--one positive thing is that if you make it through a div--you know anything is possible. I feel for you--God Bless. But if he has abused you better to get out now-it will never change for you or your kids. Just keep straight mind set that you are better off without him and his abuse--life will be okay.
2007-02-01 15:17:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If counseling won't work, i.e., marriage counselor, or pastor at your church, and you 2 truly do want to get a divorce, the best way to do it, is to write down what you each wish to take away from the marriage, also, child support, etc. But there are very few "nice" divorces.
2007-02-01 14:53:47 · answer #10 · answered by rocketgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋