My ex-husband's brother was put away for child-molestation, many years ago, still in prison. My ex-husband told my daughter that he was put away for murder. My ex-brother in-law never had to much remorse for what he did and I don't think he has changed in 13years. My daughter is now 18years old and I think she should know the truth. I never said anything before becasue the monster is still in prison. I also knew my ex would get upset and cause problems with my daughter or think I was trying to get back at him for whatever. I am sure my ex-husband is embarrassed. I don't want my daughter miss led. I don't want here to think she can see her uncle if he ever gets out or trust him around kids. I also don't want her to feel wierd. My dausther is currantly living in Ohio on her own with friends, I don't want to tell her over the phone or on a quick visit cause I won't be around to see how bad this could effect her. It might be emotionally overwhelming. What should I do? Any insight?
2007-02-01 14:18:10 · 25 answers · asked by BlueEyes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I think you should tell your daughter, but wait until either he is about to be released or when it is brought up.
If you just bring it up out of the blue, it may sound like you are just being vindictive against your ex.
Make sure you step back and take a look at why you want to tell her and think about the pros and cons of doing so. You may find that now is not the time.
2007-02-01 14:32:20 · answer #1 · answered by imtami75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So at this point what good is it going to do to tell her? She is an adult, she is in no danger from him, as he is still in prison, and since she is living with friends I am assuming she has no children. I think this is a "need to know" situation, and until he is out or she has kids, she doesn't need to know. Why complicate the relationship with her father by stirring things up, unless you are looking for revenge. I am sure when the time comes that she should know, her father would realize this and hopefully handle the situation. It is his family and the responsibility should be up to him to tell the truth when the time is right.
Lets face it, up to this point she thinks he is a murderer...not really a great guy in her eyes anyway.
It's not always better to "take the bull by the horns", sometimes its better to sit in the stands and just keep watch.
2007-02-08 06:55:18 · answer #2 · answered by jarad 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
LOL ok better than probable they're gonng strengthen up being like cousins or closer simply by fact they're gonna be so close in age and in case you permit her initiate calling them aunt and uncle while they're born i dont think of which you are going to have ta clarify alot and approximately them punishing her for that thats you infant not theres solid success
2016-09-28 07:30:53 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should make the trip to her and tell her. She needs to know the true reason her uncle is in prison. I can't imagine that thinking her uncle is a murderer is much better than knowing he is a molestor. I don't think you have to worry about too much emotional damage when she's told. Just do it quickly so she has all the facts to make good decisions where he is concerned.
2007-02-08 16:30:47 · answer #4 · answered by obladiblada 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well since she is 18 and probably hasnt known him much I would tell her. I think she has the right to know. BUt just make sure you sit down and talk with her and take time to make sure why you did not tell her before. I would also tell your ex-husband that you are going to do it first, so that it doesnt cause as much tension.
Hope this helps!
:)
2007-02-01 14:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by iloveyou<3 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Should have told her long ago. But since you did not, then wait until the next time you see her. Or tell your ex husband to set the story straight, he is the one who misled her. Really should come from him anyway since he was the one that lied to her. If he won't tell her, then let him know you will be telling her.
2007-02-01 15:09:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes she does deserve the truth and she deserves to hear it from you, if she doesn't already know. In most states you can check for current inmates and they also list their crimes. Child molestation is a serious crime and to protect your daughter, grandchildren and other children in the family who might be around this creep when he is released, should be duly warned.
2007-02-08 20:50:03 · answer #7 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She SHOULD be told the truth...You are right to tell her "what" her uncle is for her safety & the safety of the children she may have some day. Besides, what if she finds out from someone else & then gets upset because she didn't hear it from you?
2007-02-01 15:15:48 · answer #8 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should never have lied to your daughter in the first place. yes do tell her, how would she feel some time in the future if she has a daughter of her own and trusts this man to look after her or even gets attacked by her uncle herself . tell he now before it is to late.if you do not tell her and something bad happens you will never forgive yourself.
2007-02-09 09:35:51 · answer #9 · answered by fushia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her now. She's 18 for God sake... why wait? From personal experience, I didn't tell my daughter until it was too late (if you know what I mean) and I have regretted that and it haunts me to this very day! I should have had my kids safety first and foremost on my mind...
2007-02-01 15:10:11 · answer #10 · answered by nuttin'fancy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋