I am getting married next week to the greatest most adorable woman in the world. I love her so much and unconditionally more and more each day. I love my kids too. And the last year and a half that I have been single has been a very special time with my two boys. I have custody and the three of us have really bonded and become very close. My kids love her very much as well, but I think they see that the last three years are gone forever in many ways, because I will be married and it will be different. How do we bond as a family and make new memories together? Is it a good idea to still do things with just the guys? I am really trying to do this right. Right by my wife and by my kids. Should I view them as "ours" even though she is not their 'mom' since their real mom is very uninterested in taking much of a role with the boys....thanks in advance for your welcome advice!!!
2007-02-01 14:03:39 · 8 answers · asked by hunter65 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to the kids and ask them what they would like to do with her.
After you get married take a second family honey moon to make the kids feel included
2007-02-01 14:07:22 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're about to marry a very special lady. Talk with her about this as she may have ideas. I think it's important to continue to do things as a family, but also occasionally have it "just be the guys". I'm sure your wife-to-be will understand as long as she's included on other outings as a family. You really need to talk openly with her and your sons about this, and the role that she plays in their lives as well as yours. Since their mom is not interested...allow your wife to assume the roll of the mom without insisting the boys replace their biological mom. You can all have the best of both worlds here as long as everyone understands that marriage will only bond you all together more as a family, and new memories will be made while still valuing the old ones
2007-02-01 14:12:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's refreshing to hear your question. I think it's great that you want to create a comfortable family setting. My responses to you questions are this,.. I think that you should still have the "guys day" or something similar. This will show the boys that you're not giving them up for your new wife. You don't want to consider them "ours" with her though because they aren't. Let them have their birth mom and they will make the choice to call your new wife "mom". You don't want to make them feel like you're forcing a family on them. More than likely, they've grown accustom to the thought of the new lady being in your life permanently and they've probably discussed it depending on how old they are. If they've accepted her at this point then I think you're doing well and you've already overcome the difficult hurdles.
As far as bonding as a family, you should go about doing the normal family things. Take trips together, eat dinner together, go out and have fun together. Laughter and play will bring you closer together than anything else, so I highly recommend doing something fun. Like I said before, they've already put some thought into the new relationship and if they're not acting up about it now I doubt they've got objections.
From the sounds of it, I think you're doing an excellent job and you sound like a great father. Now if we can get more guys to follow in your footsteps,...
2007-02-01 14:37:14 · answer #3 · answered by Justin W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
I think there should be more dads like you! Yes, you should get married and I think you should have a specail time with the boys. If you can like every Sat. will be your say or even once a month plan weekend fishing trips in the summer. Just because you have a new addition to the family doesn't mean any of that needs to change. Actually a woman in their life will be great for them. Your a good dad and nothing will change that!
2007-02-01 14:14:38 · answer #4 · answered by mommyofone1998 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on getting married! Relax, you, the kids and your wife will be fine. Do things together as a family and separately with your kids. Of course you should view them as "ours," you're a bonded family. The memories that the kids will have is something that no one can ever take away from them.
2007-02-01 14:14:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How wonderful it is to see that you care so much! Of course you should still do things "just with the boys" it is an important part of the parenting process, my hubby spends hours with our daughter without me, it gives me a break if nothing else. You cant force the bonding process between your partner and your sons it will happen in its own time, if your marraige is to be a partnership then the children belong to both of you and as long as you are both open to discussion on the best ways to deal with any issues that may arrise you will be fine. Good luck!
2007-02-01 14:08:54 · answer #6 · answered by minimouse68 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boys need a strong relationship with their mother, or if that isn't possible, with an adult female who will be there in the long term. At first you need to have special time just for your sons and gradually spend more time with her and them. Don't rush anything.
2007-02-01 14:09:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to find a balance between spending time with your boys individually and time as a whole family with your wife. As long as you make them all feel special, you'll win.
2007-02-01 14:18:25 · answer #8 · answered by broadwayaprilandtiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋