We all will, and can fall in love ! It is, however
important for us all to know - what love really is, first in order to fall in, "What is know as true
Love." Please take a few minutes to read this.
“Love vs. Attachment”
What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being attached to them ?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other persons welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfull our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggertes others' good qualitities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love ? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.
But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.
Desiring to be with the people alot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.
Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestamates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear one's and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearences, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds watn to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own
minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, many magnificient qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generousity, concentration and wisdom.'
'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pasifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definately have successful friendships and personal relationships with others !! These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others, and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.
From: A Psychologist with Master's Degree's in
Psychology and Sociology.
2007-02-02 07:20:01
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answer #1
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answered by Thomas 6
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I know exactly what you mean..I'm exactly the same..I think you can compare the feeling of falling in love to listening to music..you hear loads of good songs playing away all the time..on tv..on the radio..in the pub and you think "thats a pleasent little tune..but then every now a then you hear a song played for the first time and BAMM..it's like someone just slapped you in the face with a wet trout and you just stop whatever it is your doing 'cos you just have to listen and can't wait to go and buy the cd..I always make sure I keep the receipt though so I can swap it for another one if I get bored of it!! lol
2007-02-01 20:13:29
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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It is part of our inate selfs to be attracted to many people, it is the process we go through to sift the good, the bad from the ugly. It can often be lust when we desire but have empty feeling for the person inside, part of our hormones. sometimes we can have feelings for a person but the idea of being in love can often be more obtainable than actually being with someone. Love is unconditional, would you be willing to take a bullet for that person and if so then it is probably more likely to be love. As for not being able to fall in love, you probably haven't meet the right person yet.
2007-02-01 14:21:33
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answer #3
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answered by NIKKI 2
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There is no love in the material world it is all based on sense gratification here. We as human beings are not supposed to be like polished animals and just eat,sleep, mate and defend. Cats and dogs do all that. We are supposed to get out of this mental and material bondage of desire and hate and come to our constitutional position as eternal spirit souls. We are all part and parcel of the Supreme Soul name Krishna, Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, etc. We have to reconnect to come to the platform of real love. Chanting the Maha mantra is the quickest way to become liberated from this bondage. Interested go to harekrishnatemple.c Read Bhagavad Gita as it is By Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada- which gives the purpose and meaning to human life. Otherwise in our next life we could end up a dog.
2007-02-01 13:47:58
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Why cant you fall in love, because the right girl has not come along and please remember you do not only look out for pretty girls and model type girls yes its nice but no because everyone is after them, and would you trust that.
Look for someone who is what you really want, some one who dont slap tons of makeup on because what is under that you see what im saying, get out there and you will find if you look for reality and not a dream.
2007-02-01 20:39:10
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answer #5
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answered by SAMANTHA H 3
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You can't fall in love because you have not had spent time with a certain person. The people you say you desire probably are not the right person or you have not really met them. You can't love someone on TV because you probably won't meet them. I suggest you get to know people before you decide to like them because love can throw itself at you at anytime. Don't rush love you have awhile to find it.
2007-02-01 14:17:33
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answer #6
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answered by Aphrodite 4
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you obviously dont talk to them
its ok being shallow to an extent but at some point m8 you will have to fall in love with some ones personality
so the next time your on the tube & you find some one attractive try talking to them not oogling them
i know you think im being pedantic but its the way you have voiced your question.
love takes time
& you need to be with some one with a gsoh & a wonderful personality before you can fall in love.
2007-02-01 14:23:03
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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I know what you mean...I'm kind of the same way. It's like...you see a bunch of nice looking men (or women, in your case), but just can't either a. get past their looks, or b. get close enough to them to be able to fall in love with them. (Alternately, there's choice c. which is that the person just enjoys looking at beautiful people, and doesn't want a relationship with any of them. But that doesn't apply here, I'm guessing.)
Basically...ok, I don't have much experience here; I've only been in "love" once, and it wasn't requited to the same intensity (to my knowledge), so I'm not as informed on this as I'd like to be. I think the only way to fall in love is just to put yourself out there-go on dates, talk to the new person at the party, get to know people you're attracted to. See if they reciprocate your feelings in any amount, and if they do...just go for it. Ask them out, get to know them better...falling in love takes time. People talk about "love at first sight" but apparently that's a semi-rare. John Mayer has a song called "Bold as Love" and the title's the truth; to fall in love, you have to be bold. Good luck with love in general-we all need it, especially this time of year.
2007-02-01 14:11:15
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answer #8
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answered by Aurelia 4
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Someday when you least expect it love will jump up and bite you in the butt! It may be a person that you have known for a long time and considered a friend. You'll suddenly look at that person and realize... "Hey, I love her!"
Right now enjoy life, appreciate the beauty in the women you see around you. Be kind and considerate and don't mistreat them... Who knows "She" may be right under your nose...
Good luck!
2007-02-01 13:53:18
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answer #9
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answered by liltxrosebud 2
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Good things take time, don't rush it. =) Especially one of the most powerful emotions which can ever be experienced. Each person is different, just let it come naturally - don't force yourself to search for it.
2007-02-01 14:06:34
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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What to do is whack one off before you go out the house. The one's you're still lookin at may just be worth something deeper, especially if they're not so pretty as others...
2007-02-01 13:44:36
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answer #11
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answered by Martin B 3
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