Why does my baby cry and fuss when I hold her?

Question

She is 5 weeks old and only wants to be held by my wife. No matter what I do I can not calm her. Im at a loss... :(

Answer 1

My daughter was like this with her daddy, too, but they're a lot closer now. It does get better. Little babies just need their mommies, and as much as you want to be an involved Dad, you aren't a Mom.

Find something that you can do with the baby (besides just holding her) - my husband took over bath time, and it is still their special time every night.

Also, don't hold the baby in the "cradle" position - it will make her want to eat. Hold her upright.

Another mistake that men make with babies is that they talk too loudly. Men don't always realize how big and booming (and intimidating to someone small!) their voices are. Try to speak in low, soothing tones.

When you're holding her, look out the window and talk to her, or show her her reflection in the mirror. Hold toys in front of her for her to look at. Try to distract her from the fact that you're not Mom.

You could also try wearing one of Mom's dirty shirts, so that you smell like her, until the baby accepts you more.

Babies love to move - try wearing her in a sling. I'm in love with my new one (see sources). Try dancing with her and walking around, rather than standing still.

Even if none of these suggestions work, trust me when I say that it WILL get better as she gets older. My daughter was so awful when my husband held her that he cried once and said, "I don't think she loves me!" It broke his heart. But now they're best buds, and her first sentence was, "It's my dad!" when he got home from work. Hang in there.

Answer 2

I worked in newborn nurseries and NICU's for many years. Infants are very much in tune with the emotions of those caring for them. If you are fearful, tense, nervous, etc, she will definitely sense that and become unsettled. Perhaps before you pick her up you try taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling, and center yourself so you're emotionally quiet. Then pick her up and hold her, or bathe her, or any of the other excellent suggestions you've received here from others. Try to avoid that frustation that builds if she starts to fuss. Just reposition her or change activities, center yourself and know that you're not hurting her. Try to FEEL her, and feel the comfort you want to give to her. I know this sounds very touchy-feely, but the truth is, the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she will be. And practice makes perfect. Don't give up--you're gonna be a great dad, just keep trying until you get it!

Answer 3

My son was kind of the same way in the beginning... he would stop crying the instant he was on my chest close and snug on me, yet he'd cry and cry for my husband. However, he did end up having colic... where he would cry and cry for a few hrs at a time- which ended up to be usually at night time around 11pm.

I suggest first, just keep trying different ways of holding her- make sure she is fed and changed, and then hold her in different ways until you can figure out which one works the best. Sometimes babies are just uncomfortable in the position they are held in. See which ways your wife holds her... see if that works too. Also, try to notice the times of day/night your daughter cries. Does she cry at all for your wife? Or just simply you. Try to be patient, and try everything that you can- my son loved to be rocked, or walked with kind of slowly bouncing... but every baby is different. You can also try swaddling her- you can wrap a receiving blanket tightly around her and hold her close. They were so warm and didn't have much room in the womb, so they tend to like things that resemble that- like the swaddling.

Hope this helps some, my husband had never really been around babies, so it took him some time to figure out everything that worked best for him... he eventually got it. If you do notice your daughter crying for 2 or more hours at a time though, it could be colic... but if she's not crying for your wife, then it might not be.

Good luck!

Answer 4

If she is breastfed there is a good possibility she knows the difference between where the food comes from. They can smell the milk on the mother. Otherwise the heartbeat from her mother is all she has heard for 40 weeks so it's likely that she just uses that for comfort still and it may take a while for her to bond with you in that way. Just be patient with her keep trying to hold her but do it in her time. In other words hold her from time to time throughout the day to allow her to get used to your heartbeat as well. Talk to her while doing this because she has heard your voice the whole time too. After a while I'm sure she'll be a daddy's girl too.

Answer 5

Hold, her and sing to her.

Also, and this really works, everytime she is fed (and you are home) you burp her. After the feeding is when she will be most relaxed.

And be sure to hold her 10-12" from your face and look into her eyes. That's what mom do when breastfeeding.

And when you are holding her you need to bounce up and down and sway back and forth. Both just a little.

Answer 6

My husband said that he knows how you are feeling. He would have to hold our son on his belly like a football to sort of say. Lay them on your forearm with their head in your hand.. that way they can see other things around them. This is what my hubby did and it seemed to work. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Maybe she senses that you are tense, or maybe she can tell that you apprehensive about holding here.
Be sure you are holding her in a comfortable position.

Answer 8

have you recently changed something... ie) shaved off a beard... my brother was fine with my dad then one day he shaved off his beard... suddenly my brother would freak out when Dad got near him... could be something as simple as that ... could be a smell issue... have you changed colognes or antiperspirant.... Keep trying Dad .. she will come around!!

Answer 9

hold her to your bare chest, try skin on skin contact

Answer 10

for nine months all your daughter has herd was her mothers voice...but give it time and she will come to you.