What should a wife do, when her spouse and inlaws are torturing her mentally, no physical abuse?

Question

Should she make adjustments upto a point, she just breaks down? Or she should share her feelings and mental torture with friends and relatives. What should she do if she has already spent more than half a life in such situation? But the best part is that the children are now out to hostels, so they will be affected the least. But a house wife, who has put her career on hold due to family preferences, have no place to be financialy independent, although educated and qualified. Please advise if there is some hope for middle class , middle aged women, in Indian society?

Answer 1

As a lawyer myself I can always advice you to make a complaint under the latest the protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 but that will bring more crack in your already broken family life. As you say you are educated & qualified person I would advice you to find some part time if not full time job for your self then at least you will be able to spend sometime away from your troublesome family members. I consider mental torturing more harmful then physical one & absence from home for few hours can always give you mental relief. It will also be advisable for you to discuss this issue with your husband & make him to understand your feelings. If he is so adamant for your job tell him the consequences that he & his other family members can face if you indulge in any sort of legal remedy, as an educated person he will understand this & wont stop you from taking a job & going out from home for few hours.

Answer 2

Break out of marriage! Since you say u r qualified and educated, there should be tons of job in the economy for you, and atlaest you know English, so join a call center or something else if nothing else works out. It's never too late to get out of an abusive relationship. And once u r out and independent financially, I am sure u will find it is not that difficult to live life happily and on ur own terms. There are as many good people in the world to make u happy abt life as there r mean ones who can really make ur life miserable, it's entirely a matter of choices u make. And I am sure there will be some job u will fit into!

Answer 3

You are an educated lady and you have children. These are two plus points. By all means get a job in commensurate with your qualification. You could begin with a small business.You can take along your brother, mother or any other supportive person who is from your mother's side.Also discuss it with some eminent ladies of your place who are kind and knowledgeable and request them to provide you with a job. One of the best would be for you to engage students for tuition and coaching. Either you do it at home or take a room somewhere and begin teaching. This will consume time and you will use it constructively and meaningfully. You will have the satisfaction that you are imparting education and earning at the same time. You will feel mentally healthy. Then the abuse at home will appears minor. If in spite of all that you feel the pinch, then live separately. If your heart and mind are in unison and they tell you to leave your husband, then go ahead and file a case of divorce in the family court. There are lawyers who could take up your case, with minimum of fee. But please do something, you have already spent half of your life grudging and suffering.

Answer 4

Your case is quite complicated and being Indian the emotional bondage is too strong.
Though you have not stated to which strata of family you belong and the class of your inlaws its bit difficult to answer to the point.
Still takeing you as a lower middle class family I could recommend following:
1. Speak up the full matter with your husband and seek his guidance for your survival.
2. Take advice of your parents and some of the influential relatives to bring some pressure on your inlaws.
3. As your children are at hostel, you can take up some good job, or assist the family bussiness.
4. In any case you have to make yourself financialy strong. Influence your husband and get some of the properties/Bank deposits transfered on your name.
5. Take some active responsiblity in our house to increase your self importance.
6. Still if these fools do'nt agree take help of some Mahila Mandal and drag them to the court. Ensure that they give in writing to the court that there is no danger to your life from their side.


NOTE: Be true, dont try to take disadvantage of point no 6. Try to win the family members with your good deeds rather than black mail them. God helps the truth.

Answer 5

I would say since you have already spent 1/2 your life like that to save the other 1/2 for happiness and leave. You will find a way to survive. Women leave there spouses all the time and they make it. Yes it is tough but you can do it. You do not need this. You deserve better. Chances are these people will never change so you need to get out.

Answer 6

There are lots of NGO,s active around the globe must be in India or where ever you live, you need to go them they are mostly familiar of this kind of situation and they can give you some professional advice. how to deal with a situation , you cant do it by Ur own you need a helping hand, when you live too long in this kind of circumstances then you have no faith and selfsteem any more, when there is Will there is a way, if you really want you can all ways get, Remember every disadvantage has a advantage,

Answer 7

You say u're educated then act like an educated woman. Stand up for yourself. This is not the 1950s. You need to put everyone in their place and tell your husband to get his act together. Since ur kids are in a hostel, get a job and become indenpendent then you wont have to listen to ur inlaws bickering all the time.

Answer 8

If she lives with her in-laws, she should move out. Even the best of friends can become enemies when they move out and live together. Since she is educated and her children are soon becoming adults, it is a good time to get her life back together again. Marriage doesn't mean sacrificing everything to a point that one should be feeling so upset and sorry for oneself. Whatever happened to women's dignity? Gone are the days of gender inequality, especially in a marriage.

Answer 9

Hi,

I am quite younger to you and hence i am seeing things from my perspective. Here is what I have to say.

1. You are damm patient lady. I wish i get a wife like that.

Now all the points are against you, please do not mind........

2. The torturer breeds on your cowardance. I know what your life is like. Makes me remember some woman I know. They tolied, never spoke. Waiting for the time to come when the tormentors would subside, accept your values and realize their mistake.

But that never happens, becoz when one subsided there raised another to trouble them....

And they never realize, that the problem is not with the tormentors but with the you. You allowed them to rule yourself. You never spoke when they poked you for a completely ridiculous point.

You never made them understand that you too have a point and a right one. You just never spoke to mark your presence. You always acknowledged there.

So, if someone has to change, then that person is you. You have come a long way and achieved a long from your domestic life. Now, live for yourself. Speak out, Speak out not with disrespect but for self respect. They have to understand, they will.

Value yourself,.it will give your children a boost to their self esteem

Answer 10

first, get financially independent.
If you are an Indian, you must make use of the recent bill called 'Domestic violence act'. it is a very powerful law in favour of women sufferring from BOTH physical and mental torture. the law makes it mandatory for the judge to finish the case within 6 months.
the following are offences according to this law:
stopping wife or daughter from pursuing education or career.
forcing wife or daughter to do a job.
forcing wife to have sex.
showing pornography to unwilling wife.
etc.
consult a lwyer who will be able to guide you.
all the best.