my anorexia is coming back ='[?

Question

has anybody ever battled with anorexia?
how did you get through it?
i hate having it. i was in recovery, which i got to on my own, after having it for almost a year. my last period was 30000 months ago.
it really sucks, i dont know why, but i want to be skinny again. all through my days in recovery, i thought i was fat. i forced the food im my mouth because i had to . if i didnt the people would never leave me alone. i gained back 20 pounds really fast. =[ i thought it would take a while.
has anybody ever gotten through it?

i guess it really doesn't ever go away.
i dont eat lunch anymore , and i have an apple for breakfast.
sometime i eat dinner. NEVER more then 300 calories.

If you have never had anorexia, you just dont know. dont say
"just eat something!"
it just doesnt work like that. I CAN'T.
i dont wanna tell anybody either, so thats not an option.
i hate lying all the time.
i just want this to leave me forever.
please help ='[

and keep all rude comments to YOURSELF. all it takes is one person to call you fat. then thats it. your done. i think thats what did it to me. combined with the old photos of myself i was going through a few days ago. its back.

Answer 1

Honey I know EXACTLY what you're going through, and it is soooooo hard to deal with, but I know you can becasue I did. I'm 5'7and a half'' and when i was almost 16, I was 107 pounds. I've almost lost my life because of that on several occasions, and even now, 6 years later my immune systems really weak and eating can be a chore. Training myself to eat like a healthy person was the hardest thing I've ever done: harder than quitting smoking. The way I did it, and it might sound a little stupid, was by writing. This is a bit of a long story, but I'll say it anyway, and I really hope it'll help you because I don't want anyone else to ever have to go through it.

I used to be a hip-hop and salsa dancer, so I was very pressured to maintain an ideal image..I had to live up to all these expectations, and was basically brought up with images of rack-thin models in my head. So I ate less and less..until I was eventually consuming about 200-400 calories a day, and on top of this, I was dancing for anywhere from 2-4 hours a day..so I was burning way more than I was consuming..eventually it got to the point where I'd get exhausted from just standing up, and I eventually collapsed, my vital organs barely working. I've spent a lot of time in hospitals, as both an inpatient and outpatient, and it wasn't pleasant. it seemed as though everyone was against me: no one understood. So one day I grabbed a peice of paper and just wrote down everything: the way I felt, the way I thought I was being treated, how I felt about myself, who I wanted to be..pretty much everything you can think of. Then what I did was every morning when I'd wake up..I'd stand in front of a mirror and just observe myself: from kind of like a third-person perspective, thats when I saw how disgusting my ribs looked like, how bony my arms were, I saw how far out my hip bone was sticking out, etc. I was so repulsed. Again, I wrote all that down. So now when ever I'm tempted to skip a meal, i read my letters to myself. I think back to what I was..and then I look at everything I have to live for, and it helps: you eventually start coming out of that mindset.

That, in a nutshell, is how I lived through my battle with anorexia and its not over yet every now and then those feelings come rushing back, and eventually you learn to control them, but I know it took me years to be able to do that..if you want more details, or if you need encouragement, or want to talk about it, or anything...feel free to e-mail me, I'd be more than glad to help you. Good luck, I know you can do it, don't ever let yourself think otherwise.

Answer 2

hello well i hav never had anorexia or any eating disorder but i kinda know how u feel!!! i almost became one though. the reason that anorexia and bulimia is very risky and everything is because its a METAL disease. its not like u can take some medicine and poof ur normal again. i'm not an expert but what i think will help (cuz one time i barely ate anything 4 like a whole week and always weighed myself and got very skinny and was proud of it!!) is eat something like a peach, or a watermelen cuz here is the miricale of veggy's and fruits remember this 4 ever!! NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES U WILL EAT U WILL NEVER GAIN ANY WEIGHT!!! then when u get used 2 eating atleast that then u can move on 2 stuff like salads with low fat dressing and keep thinking 2 urself everytime u put something in ur mouth " i;m not fat i'm not fat" " i'm skinny, i can do this" I CAN DO THIS!!! and like some1 from above write down ur thoughts. hope i helped and get well soon sweatheart!! lov ya!!! ur beautiful!!!

Answer 3

I hope you can get through this. The clinic (or hospital or whatever) that you were at before--did they offer psychological help as well? Because obviously, it's not JUST about looks, there's something deeper going on, and you need a clinic that will treat the CAUSE (ie, low self esteem) and the symptoms, instead of just forcing you to eat. Or maybe there's a support group online, like a message board or something that could provide you some support? I know that you probably know most of that, I just wanted to give you a note of support.

Answer 4

My mother in law is currently in recovery and i have been battling it for about 5 yers now,
with anorexia, you have something which is commenly known as the negative mind, which im sure you are quite aware of, in people who arnt suffering with anorexia they also have a negative mind except theirs is alot smaller then ours, non sufferers will have bad days where they think they need to lose a few pounds or get out a bit more but this isnt often, as for anorexics our negative mind controls and consumes our thoughts every second of the day, many hospitals think that by a few conselling sessions and gaining back weight to our healthy weight range will recover us, it wont recover us as we have to beat the negative mind untill it dosnt consume out every thought. There are recovery clinics out there who dont focus so much on our weight but on defeating the negative mind untill it has the same amount of control over us as it does a non sufferer, you said that you went to recovery on your own last time, try to find a clinic that will deal with it the way it is sopposed to be dealt with, if you need any help on finding one you can email me and i can help. Take care

Answer 5

I have been dealing with e.d.s for the past eight years so I know how you feel. I haven't totally gotten through it, but I know I'm much, much better off mentally than I've ever been before. I think the reason recovery hasn't worked for you because you weren't mentally recovering...your body was in recovery but your mind wasn't ready. This is one of those things I'm sure you know that the only person who can really, truly help you is *you*, no one can give a definitive answer. You could find yourself a good support group online that's nontriggering, a good one to me is on www.somethingfishy.org, a site that deals with eds. There are articles there that give "tools" on how to help yourself if you're ready to take those critical steps to getting better. You say you don't know why you want to be skinny...have you journaled much before? I know for me, writing is a catharsis, it really helps to clear my mind and focus on the "whys," like why do you focus so much on being skinny, because there's always more there than the want to be thin or whatever else. Are you depressed, do you have severe self esteem issues, what happened in your childhood? All of these things can be what you need to work on first before fully recovering from your e.d. I think a person can only fully recover when they're ready to, and you need to prepare yourself to be ready too...and as for that latter part, i'm sorry that I can't give you more help there - maybe someone else can, but it's hard for me to explain...it all mostly depends on the person's readiness to recover, along with the support they get, and the determination along with strength to fight it. I know how hard it is. ~take care~

Answer 6

I struggle with image and eating too. Your right, you can't just eat. All i can suggest is working, then buying stuff for yourself. Go to a bar/club/dance place, and dress up. I am sure you will get so many compliments, that will cheer you up. Also maybe not cheer you up, but better your self-esteem. That is what is helping me. Look at other sloppy people who don't give a ****. Think about how your not like them, and how you have a loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnng way to go before you ever do. I know it is kinda mean, but hey, they don't know, and you will feel better ya know? :)
Just keep trying. :)

Answer 7

well at my school we have been doing a whole section about the three eating disorders, anerexia, bulimia, and obesity. we watched like three movies, made pamphlets, did research, took notes, and stuff like that. so i kinda know what you are going through (not to say that i know how it feels exactly but you know.)

you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. you need to be very conscience about this when you begin to torture yourself by constantly telling your self how you are not good enough. you know what? just as too fat is unattractive, so is too skinny. too skinny is disturbing. but the problem is that you dont see how you really look. you see a distorted image. untill you beat that into your head you will continue to have problems.
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other wise you will DIE before you are skinny enough.
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if you want to chat you can email me. : )

Answer 8

hey there

The fact that ou still counting calleries shows you arent over you disorder.
You need to learn to eat properly without thinking about calleries.

Enjoy food, Food is fantastic. YOu can eat healthy and still be thin.

Seek help from your docter... or a professional that can help you. Its important. it might be hard but it owuld so worth it.

Life is a gift, live it to the best way you can. HEALTHY and HAPPY

goodluck

Answer 9

not to be negative about it, but i think it sort of stays inside you somewhere unitll you get serious mental help. i struggled with what i concidered anorexia for about a year, but i completely went into a downward spiral from there. i gained so much weight and now fear that i might have binge eating disorder (BED) i dont know what to tell you except to ask for help. hopefully ull be luckier than me and have someone there who accually believes you and wants to help instead of just laugh in your face. good luck

Answer 10

you really should tell someone like a school counselor or your doctor. they can get help for you.
but if you want to try doing ti on your own, my advice is to start small. eat a small breakfast of maybe fruit and juice. have a salad for lunch. and eat a small portion of whatever your family is having for dinner. after dinner, do a little bit of exercise, like jumping rope or maybe 10 sit-ups. this will help you feel less guilty. then gradually start eating more. it won't be easy, but you can do it.

i know what it's like... please feel free to e-mail me at: [e-mail]
or from my yahoo! answers page.

good luck and god bless you.