Today I found out?

Question

that my husband loves another woman. He doesn't know that I know. What should I do?

He comes home from overseas (military) in 2 days. I feel like walking up to him and bitchslapping him in front of everyone.

this is a girl that he grew up around. they had a relationship and then he left for the army. this was 10 years ago and we have been married for 8 years. So this whole time for our whole relationship/marriage he has secretly been in love with her. So In my mind Im thinking why the hell have you been stringing me along for 8 years.

He told his sister in an email today that he is still in love with her. My life is a damn lie.

I am a good wife to him. Theres nothing else I could have done for him. I stood by his side through good and bad always. He always got 100% from me and I thought I was getting 100% from him. This one email makes me take a look into the past. To those frequent solo weekend visits to his hometown.

Answer 1

been there not fun
you have to talk to him
see if you can work it out
if hes refuses to give her up don't
stay cut ties ASAP
i know what I'm saying
trying to hold on makes it worse

Answer 2

Why are men so stupid? Why? They have a wonderful woman, who loves and respects them, and yet they feel the need to act retarded. I am sorry. I don't understand how you can even be so calm. I would have probably yelled at him by now, but then that would have not been the best approach. So I'm glad you are thinking about it before you do anything you will regret. As someone else said, you should make sure he didn't act in his stupidity. If he didn't, then you should try to work things out, especially if you guys have children. But if the thought of her more than just crossed his mind, then kick his little behind to the curb. You DESERVE to be happy. You married believing that he would dedicate 100% of himself to you. I'm not saying that once a problem hits home, you pack up and leave. I'm totally against divorce, but there are two things that shouldn't be tolerated in a marriage: cheating and abuse. When you do confront him, don't attack him. Try to find out what has happened. Don't scare him to the point where he will not tell you the truth. He needs to understand that both of you need to be happy. And if he can't make you happy, then you need to move on with your life. But once again, if damage has not be done, then don't throw it all away. It seems like you are a great person and wife, and if he were to lose you then he would be really stupid. But if he is stupid enough to screw up your relationship, then you do deserve better. Life is too short. Good luck! And always remember that everything happens for a reason, whether it is good or bad. I hope everything goes well for you and that your life will be as perfect as you want it to be.

Answer 3

no matter what you do you, it will effect your relationship with your husband right from the moment you see him on ward. That is because you already know. Men when they are at war , are constantly under pressure, and their emotions are at the extreme. they quite often say and write things that they don't really mean. take a few days and watch how he treats you, and reacts to you before opening up your heart about what you know. he needs to unwind from the pressure and stress he has been under, and that will take a period of time, what he had written to his sister, might be a different kind of love then what you are assuming, only by watching his reaction over the next few weeks will you be able to discern what the truth is. when you finally decide to clear it up, as him like this why did you write your sister saying you still loved so and so . if you do it this way the truth will come out in a way that does not include anger. at that time you will be able to discern what is best for you, good luck

Answer 4

I think that you should not base your reactions off your emotions. You need to stop and think about things, Is there anything that maybe I did that could've caused this (I know you are the victim, please don't be mad at me for saying that, but this will help you decide if it's you or him) . Pray an ask God to help you disern what to do. Just because he said he's in love with her doesn't mean 1) he's cheating, or 2) that he doesn't love you too. You have to be patient. He obviously loves you if he didn't then why would he had stayed. Don't let your emotions lead you down the wrong path. Is he a good man? Is he worth fighting for? Cause who's to say the next one's not going to need just as much work or more. Just pray. If you really want this marraige tell God, He'll work it out.

Answer 5

What exactly do you mean by "he loves another woman"? Is he having an affair? or is it more of a attraction? This is important because if it is a crush then you don't want to look like a controlling wife. But if it is more than that you should confront him about it. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best interest of everyone.

Answer 6

If he doesn't know that you know, then that can only mean that he didn't tell you that, right? So how do you know what your husband is feeling? Don't jump the gun, and end up losing more than his love.
I'll tell you what I always tell my daughters. I would rather have a mans respect than to have his love. His love does not guarantee his respect, but his respect all but guarantees his love. You can love someone and have no respect for them(I guess), but you can't respect someone and not have love for them.

Look up both words in the dictionary and ask yourself which one you really want from your husband. Love is an emotion and respect is an action. We all know actions speaks louder than anything else. So, unless your husband acts upon what you think he's feeling, don't allow your emotions to run away with you.

Answer 7

I am sure he does love you, but sometimes people get used to their situation and start thinking about "the one that got away." If he didn't love you, he definitely wouln't have spent eight years of his life with you. You need to talk about it with him, because his feelings for her won't go away... Ulimately you will both have to make a decision as to whether he wants to risk losing you over a 'maybe' with her, and if you can still continue in a marriage and keep your sanity when you know your husband loves another woman.
I strongly believe that it is possible to love more than one person at a time, it may be selfish, but whether we admit it or try to deny or ignore it, it is not a choice we make. Our brains control all of our actions, but our hearts control how we feel.

Answer 8

best to ask him, and hear it from the horses mouth. if it's true don't think u should stay in the marriage, would just be too painful for u. if a man loves someone else, best to just let him go, and leave the marriage with your dignity, as there is really very little we can do if our husband loves someone else. but it isn't a marriage u would want to stay in, bad for you emotionally.

Answer 9

First of all, do not slap or assault him in any way - especially with witnesses around. This will only get you arrested, no matter how much he deserves to be ***** slapped. As hard as this will be, you need to calm down and talk to him about this rationally. He definitely needs counseling if there's any hope for your marriage surviving. I feel for you, sweetie, I truly do. If he loves you, then he'll do everything in his power to save your marriage and he'll be willing to do anything including forgetting about this other woman. If he isn't willing to or can't forget about her, then there really isn't anything for you to do except leave with your kids and your dignity.

Answer 10

No no no, be the bigger person. CALMLY if you can, comfront him. Be above his level! I know that you're pissed, furious, sad, betrayed, and have so many questions and feelings, but try to be the bigger person and handle this maturely. Do not get violent, I think you have the right to bitchslap this scum, but don't. Can I ask how you found this out and what was said? Has he slept with her? Regardless if he hasn't, he's emotionally cheating on you. Provide more details!

Answer 11

You found out something that totally shook you. And it isn't something you have had a lot of time to process.

I know you feel wronged, but it's possible to love more than one person. Love doesn't always mean that you belong with eachother. He may love her, but love you AND belong with you.

It doesn't mean he can stop loving her, but if he is choosing you, that matters. Give it some time to sink in before you respond to this information.