My biological Father ran out on my Mum when he learned that she was Preg with me, and I haven't seen him all my life( Not even a Picture, abd I'm 19 yrs old!!!)
I hate the fact that he ran away when we needed him the most, and even vowed to Kill him if I meet him!!
My Mum raised me up on her own, and now I am succesfull, way better than other people who had their Dads when growing up.
I saw the Family he left us for, and the Kids are same age as me, they are two Girls and a Guy.
Now I feel hate to them too! Am I going nuts here??
Imagine we lived in the same Area code, for 19 years, and I've never seen him!
I asked my Mum about Him, and she burst into tears.
I even restrained from sex as much as I could so that I should not be like Him.
I'm at a point where I just wanna get rid of him. What should I do?
Please help me........Anyone
2007-02-01 12:12:46 · 7 answers · asked by The Isht! 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I am the guy who has never met his biological father. Has grown up only knowing the man who adopted me (i know my mother). Has been put through a living hell by my adoptive father (not sure what to call him). I have half-siblings i have never met. I don't know where my biological father lives. My adoptive father's family HATES me... But this isn't about me, its about you. But i do know what its like.
It is sad that he left your family. I don't know my biological father either, and it truly hurts sometimes. Just try to place yourself in his shoes. I don't know the whole story about your father, but i do understand how hard it is to forgive.
But just remember. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, but it is often the most important thing to do.
I would like to say one thing that my grandmother would tell me:
Anyone can be your father (which is the person who brought you into the world) but only one person can be your dad (which is the person who raises you).
Of course you will get a different meaning out of this than i do. (the latter part is primarily for my experiences and family life).
When i say anyone can be your father. What I'm saying is that he gave you life. You are only like him through you genetics, but who you grow up to be is almost entirely through your experiences. So don't try to be unlike him, but like yourself.
Once again, I'm not entirely sure of your situation, but it seems like you are having a hard time accepting the fact that he left your family. Just remember, forgiveness is key. And don't do anything drastic (such as "get rid of him").
Remember he has hurt people, but everyone hurts people. He has the same right to live his life as you do. Don't hate him, for the stupid things he has done, but pitty him. Because he missed out on a successful son who is driven by the troubling question of "why?"
I hope you feel better. I honestly know how you feel. I know what its like to not know your dad. It hurts. And I've hurt others (emotionally not physically) because of the pain that I've been put through. Everything happens for a reason, even if it is hard to accept.
2007-02-01 12:34:13 · answer #1 · answered by sum_guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 18, I've never met my father, he lives only 20 minutes away, I have a half brother and half sister I have never met, I've asked my mom about him (but she passed away 2 years ago) and she couldn't talk about him either.
You need to just remind yourself that you have became a better person than him and really how can you hate someone you have never met? He may have ran out for a reason, when my mom was pregnant with me my father was married to my mom and another lady. I can't hate him, I don't know him, if I ever saw him I wouldn't even know who he was and I think really that is the best way to keep it.
You're better than him, you've achieved more than him (and you KNOW it!) keep it that way and don't let someone you've never met before bring you down just remind yourself you have achieved so much, your mom gave you so much. You've done fine without him so apperently you really did NOT need him.
Life's a journey and you're doing fine, you don't know him and there's a reason behind that, everything happens for a reason.
You never know, without you knowing him, that may have made you a better person he may of been a bad influence.
Good luck though and I hope ONE day you get over this hurdle in your life.
2007-02-01 20:30:51 · answer #2 · answered by aliciamarie88 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need professional help, not advice from an Internet forum.
You say you are 19. If you are in school, see the counselor and be honest about what's bothering you. He/she will refer you to a professional therapist and/or psychiatrist if necessary.
If you are not in school, talk to your family doctor and ask for a recommendation for a therapist. You could also call the local hospitals to see if they have any free counseling programs or therapy groups. They could recommend private one-on-one appointments if they think it's necessary.
The sex thing indicates that your development in that area has been impaired by your emotional difficulties. This is a further indication that you need professional help.
This isn't about just you, remember. You are thinking about hurting other people. That is selfish. Do something postive for them by getting help, even if you're reluctant to do it yourself.
Big Al Mintaka
2007-02-01 20:21:32 · answer #3 · answered by almintaka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all calm down. Don't put all that anger on your dad. I feel so sorry for u. I feel even sorryer for your mom she raised all those kids on her own. Anyways don't feel angry. Never put all that frustration and madness in your dad. To me I think you should just let go. Just put that memory all in the past and just forget about it. If you really want to know about you dad then search on the internet "the past about your familys". Then maybe click the website and maybe it might show a picture of your dad when you do the information and all that stuff. Hope everything works out!! :)
2007-02-01 20:22:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are definitely justified. That fricken sucks. Congratulations on your success. I'm not saying I'm right but, what I would do is try to be everything he was not. Know that you have risen above the statistics and are a shining representative of the human race, your qualities make up for his deficiencies in this world. Forget about him, don't let his discretions affect you anymore. Take care of you and yours. Good luck, God bless.
2007-02-01 20:27:25 · answer #5 · answered by guarderofcoasts 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well to me it sounds like you turned out pretty well with just your mom raising you
if you ask me, HE missed out. dont feel resentful towards him, if he hadnt of left you might be a different person today, and im not sure thats a good thing.
just be happy with who you are, and dont ever be like him!
2007-02-01 23:05:52 · answer #6 · answered by Jessabeth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God has ordered us to treat very well our parents even if they did wrong and bad things to us .look , if u seek God's paradise in the herafter ,you should forgive and reach a state of inside peace and let God judge him .May God bless you .
2007-02-01 20:21:07 · answer #7 · answered by Mido 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋