should i leave my fiance or keep trying?

Question

my fiance and i have been together for 3 years and we have 2 beautiful baby boys.13mths and 2 months old.
for the last year i have been feeling unhappy and i have tried to talk to him about it but all he says is your just upset you will get over it, but the truth is i haven't and he still wont listen. i do love him to death but for the last year i have been unhappy i have to ask him if a can buy my babies clothes, formula, nappies the answer is always NO. i stay at home and look after two babies all day cook him dinner every night and try to clean the house and every night he calls me lazy and says he works so he can't do it. besides that i have my own business to so i make my own money and i cant even use it with out asking.
its not just about the money i feel like i am trapped in the house i am not even aloud to visit my family or my mothers grave lately things have become abusive. please help what should i do any advice? i really do love but he has said he is not going to change.

Answer 1

I got half way through your story to the part were you cant spend your own money - I wouldnt be taking that shi* no offense he may be a good man, but he needs to be a good friend/partner to you. Its better that you find out what you want/need now, before having a marriage that may only lead to divorce. What type of husband can you see him being? If you need someone to talk to seek out those people whether he likes it or not, if he physically/Verbally abuses you, you can then see what type of person you could be marrying, I'm sure you dont want to wait until that day happens, do what you instincts tell you, get out while you still can if you feel you need to part as you said he said he wont change think about what he is telling you. You need to appreciate each other to benifit from each other. He sounds controlling, thats nice when It comes in small rare bursts but constantly - never. Dont take what your heart cant handle.

Answer 2

Your last sentece, said it all. He has made it clear that he will not change. I'm sorry, you are in a real mess, 2 babies is hard enough work, and he wants contoll over the money?? I know this is going to be difficult with 2 babies, but you have to get out, if you can not stay with family, do you realize you would have more freedom in a women's shelter, than your own house, and if he is getting abusive, PLEASE leave before he hurts you. Start planning right now,(not letting you see family is a clue that he is trying to isolate you from people that can help you), Try to start gathering bits of money when you can, check with all family & friends you might stay with a while, document any abuse (even verbal), contact a lawyer (a women's center can tell you where to get free advise), when you escape you are going to have to sue for child support. This won't be easy, but once you get out, you will be much happier, good luck to you.

Answer 3

It's no doubt going to be tough but I would suggest strongly to leave him. He is no doubt abusive and that only gets worse with time. The longer you delay the worse things will get. And if he's not willing to change there is really no hope. You certainly don't want your two baby boys growing up to see how NOT to treat a woman. Find a safe place to go...family or a friend until you can figure out something more permanent. Maybe just maybe once he doesn't have you at his beck and call he'll want to change.
But tell him counseling is his only option. Or there's no hope.
Respect yourself enough to demand respect from others. Otherwise your going down a dead end road. Been there done that. Wendy K.

Answer 4

I would have to say that you should leave this relationship but no matter what anyone says you will not leave until you have had enough. You really need to think about is your boys. What they see happen between you and your fiance is what they will think is normal and when they grow up they will treat their girlfriends and wives the same way. If you do not leave him for yourself think about leaving him for your children. Once we have children our lives become theirs at least until they are grown. If you just need to talk I will listen. I was a kid of a mom that was abused and it does have a impact on the children regardless if you realize it or not.

Answer 5

since he's not going to make a change, then you make a change and leave him. you shouldn't not have to feel that way in a relationship, and you damn sure shouldn't have to ask him if you can buy your baby stuff. it's okay to discuss finance with your fiance, actually it's the right thing to do, but that is just crazy! that man is not for you, i don't care how many years you 2 been together or how many children. he's not thinking about the well being of you and the children. this is not just about you, it's also about your children...they come first.

Answer 6

When a man starts to become abusive, it doesn't stop it just gets worse. Trust me, I've been there. I'm sure you really love him, but think of your children. Take them and leave. Go stay with your family until you figure out where to live. Depending on how bad things are, it might be best to leave while he's at work. I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

Pack up and leave. No man has the right to tell you what you can and can't do. He is emotionally abusing you. I was in a relationship like that with my now ex-husband he was unhappy but didn't know just why and took all of it out on me. It was the hardest thing I've gone through in my life especially with my two kids in tow, but I didn't want my boys to grow up with that environment. We are each now both remarried and happy with our new relationships, and both boys are happy and well adjusted because both our families are happy.

Answer 8

I would like to tell you things will be fine, but the truth isn't going to be pretty. Playing "married" doesn't mean you are and your man is taking advantage of you. It will only get worse after you get married if this doesn't get resolved. You need to do some serious thinking....it makes it harder with children though. If he is abusive - it WILL get worse.....controlling you is a very bad sign. Get out now. Do it before something worse happens - think of your children. Do the right thing.

Answer 9

Don't paint yourself into a corner. Any feelings you had can't hold you hostage to the feelings you don't have now. When given an opportunity to see a situation clearly and not have clouded judgement; don't hold on when there's nothing left. You could be depriving him of someone who will really love him and you will deprive yourself of the opportunity to experience love. Love is NOT selfish or misleading; true love knows when to let go. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

sounds like postpartum depression to me. About twelve to fifteen percent of women develop postpartum depression. This involves more significant symptoms of depression which women begin to experience within a few days of giving birth, and may continue to experience for weeks or months following delivery. Rapidly changing hormones seem to play a role in sensitizing women to depression. The psychological changes involved in parenting a new infant, the physical stress of the birth, and lack of sleep may also play a role. Rarely, depression can progress to the point where women develop confused and disorganized thinking about themselves or the baby, hallucinate, or even consider suicide. Suicide or even infant homicide are the most catastrophic results when this disorder is not properly identified. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, call your health care provider immediately.