She is in an abusive relationship with a man she has 2 children with, when he upsets her, she self harms, i have tried to persuade her to leave him but she says everytime she tries, he threatens to kill one of the kids.
Ive told her to phone the police when he gets violent but she wont. She has told me that she doesnt want me to visit her there and although i have said she and the girls can stay with me, she says she wont leave him because the kids would miss him too much.
The kids have NEVER seen him being violent, though i am sure they suspect, it always happens while they are at school. I really want to help her and the kids but she wont let me. any ideas?
2007-02-01 09:36:01 · 18 answers · asked by Unhinged.... 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
In the Uk the police have no powers unless the victim reports the offence, (once an assault is reported, they usually have their own team of officers who specialise in Domestic Violence who in my area have a brilliant reputation.) Id suggest getting your friend some leaflets on Domestic Violence, DV isnt just physical, it can be mental abuse, Financial and it is often a form of control by the person causing the harm. Dont loose contact with your friend, you often find the abusive partner will isolate the victim from friends and family while they continue to exert their control. Womens Refuges have outreach workers who can support the victim, even while they are still in residence with the partner, you could even contact them on the best advice on how to support your friend.
A refuge will also accomodate her and her children, and she needed worry about how she is going to survive especially if he holds the purse strings, they can sort it all out.
It will in all eventuality have to be your friend that makes the decision to change her situation, she will need you there when it happens.
Re her self harm, she is VERY low, and her self esteem is off the scale, she has probably been made to feel really useless. Self harm can be a way of kind of saying "well if I hurt myself, then what ever happens its not going to hurt the part of me that matters, kind of kidding yourself while wiping out the hurt mentally"
Its a circle and it needs to be broken, support your friend, get her the info on the local Womens refuge, reinforce in her, her strengths and remind her, the children are at risk, not just physically but mentally as well.
Help her become a survivor.
Good Luck
2007-02-01 20:54:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you would hate to do it, you probably need to contact
Children and Family Services. I'm sorry your friend is in this situation but the children need to come first. Of course they know abuse is going on! Who is she trying to fool? I work at a school and see everyday what this sort of situtation does to children. He may never harm the children, but he will probably eventually even kill her. I admire you for trying to help her. Does she have family (like a big brother or someone) who you can contact?
2007-02-01 10:04:09 · answer #2 · answered by perplexed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you want to help her, you can only do so if she ask really wants it. All you can do is promise to be there when she needs you as she will. The kid do know as no matter how much parents hide things from kids they will always find out. Look out for support groups in your area or speak to the police liasion for advice. Be the friend that you are and best off luck to you and her
2007-02-01 19:18:04 · answer #3 · answered by jackie j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should get ahold of the law enforcement- children services. I am sure she would rather have her children ; then her abusive significant other. I will say a prayer for the situation
God Bless
2007-02-01 09:46:52 · answer #4 · answered by Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have done all you can for now.I suppect he will move on to violence with the children .Be there for her and try to get her to leave him before it gets worse.Your a good friend and care a lot .Wish I could help you and her.Good Luck
2007-02-01 09:43:26 · answer #5 · answered by Honest Injun 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunatly, she will not leave just because you want her too.
Harsh as it may sound, nothing you say will help. all you can do is be there for her and wait for her to make her own dcision. She may feel pressured about the whole thing if you urge her to leave him all the time.
if you just comfort her and be there for her she will grow strong and trust her own instinct.
eventually she will leave.
2007-02-01 09:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by gimmesomeboosh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think she should seek medical help for self abuse, and both should attend counselling before someone really gets hurt. Always remember? there is two sides to every story.
2007-02-01 09:49:11 · answer #7 · answered by newciderman 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will kill her someday.She dose need help call woman's hot line,Its in the phone book they can help.Its abuse to the kids if they see that stuff
2007-02-01 09:40:11 · answer #8 · answered by peg42857 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get proof that he is abusive like on camera and show the police, afterwards if she needs any help with anything tell her she can come 2 u.
2007-02-01 11:05:23 · answer #9 · answered by YourNightmare 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call child protective services and report this. If you can't help her, at least help the kids. Don't be fooled in to thinking they are not aware of this.
2007-02-01 09:41:23 · answer #10 · answered by Debbie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋