She is in an abusive relationship with a man she has 2 children with, when he upsets her, she self harms, i have tried to persuade her to leave him but she says everytime she tries, he threatens to kill one of the kids.
Ive told her to phone the police when he gets violent but she wont. She has told me that she doesnt want me to visit her there and although i have said she and the girls can stay with me, she says she wont leave him because the kids would miss him too much.
The kids have NEVER seen him being violent, though i am sure they suspect, it always happens while they are at school. I really want to help her and the kids but she wont let me. any ideas?
2007-02-01 09:31:42 · 11 answers · asked by Unhinged.... 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
honey first of all it sounds like youre an awesome friend who's trying to help. what you should do is have the kids go to a friends (hopefully yours) house and then call the police straight away. dont tell anyone else of the plan and for the love of GOD do NOT "expose" him or wutever in front of family or wut ever. it will only get worse if you do that. you are a WONDERFUL friend and i truly commend you for that. honestly, the kids might be hurt when they get older by him. she needs to do something now but as much as you can try it is ultimately her responsibility to act. good luck luv.
2007-02-01 15:24:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like Sax M I am a little bit suspicious of this friend. However saying this I know there are many cases where a women makes herself a doormat and won't leave a man. If she just didn't give a reason for not leaving it would seem more realistic. If you weigh up the facts 1) He is NEVER violent in front of his children but suddenly thinks he can kill one? 2) She doesn't want you to visit Even if unemployed he can't be there 24 x7 Is she afraid you may confront him? 3) She won't phone the police why? 4) You have offered her and the children a safe house She says she can't leave because the children would miss him too much. 5) You mention her self harming but say nothing about evidence of this violence she suffers. Have you saw it? 6) If 2 children are at school the elder must be at least 7 yrs At that age a child would be aware of his/her mummy being upset She would be a good one that could conceal her heartache and unhappiness after violence like turning off a tap. Sorry but it is all a bit suspicious. I admit I am being judgemental but more thinking of what you are getting in to. At the moment I understand you must take her at face value and persuade her to get help, for self harming if nothing else. You sound a real considerate person and she is so lucky that you are there for her but please just tread carefully there are some funny people out there.
2007-02-01 10:39:16 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in a mirror image rleationship with 2 kids for 18 years although my x husband didnt care whether the kids were around or not when he abused me but he threatened me with my life if i left,and i believed and feared him but i never self harmed luckily
your friend hopefully will be strong enough to get out of this damaging relationship before its too late but in the meantime she may have to get help from her DR as i did just to get her through the day as when a partner threatens to kill you or your kids you believe them and you fear going to the police or getting help.
i had very supportive friends as well just be there for her, i hope and pray that she can get out sooner rather than later as i know the council will help her in a safe house for the time being and the police are hot on domestic violence its just she fears what he may do to her and the kids if her partner found her
2007-02-01 09:51:10 · answer #3 · answered by cazmo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best thing you can do is stay out of it,and it isn't that she doesn't want you to come there it's him who doesn't want you there.He sees you as the enemy someone who is trying to brake them up.This friend of yours loves this man she loves the power he has over her.She sounds like the kind of woman who cannot make up her own mind with out the help of a man .Until she realizes she has a problem you can't help her the way you would like.Right now she cannot think for herself this man does all the thinking for her and that's the way she want it.
2007-02-01 16:31:52 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is the only one that can change things there is nothing you can do.
If she wants to get the help to get herself out of this abusive relationship then when she is really ready she will take the steps to do so the only thing you can do is to provide her with the relevant information and support that she needs.
Good luck
2007-02-01 10:57:01 · answer #5 · answered by Gossip81 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a nightmare. Unfortunately I think you have/are doing all you can for her, she needs to help herself too. You cannot make her do anything - you have given her options, ways out and you offer her support and friendship and I think thats all you can do. - Its up to her in the end whether she acts on what you have advised her.
You sound like a really good friend.
2007-02-01 09:41:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do here is for her to expose him in front of friends/family. She says loudly....did you know he hits me?
Bullies stop it instantly. I've been there and got the T-shirt, truly it's the best thing that works. the worst fears of a bully are that they are exposed. Don't stop going round to your friends, she needs you, tell the husband you know he hits her and that you will continue to visit whether he likes or not. You come to see her not him. That's what my friend did and it so worked, trust me
2007-02-01 09:38:44 · answer #7 · answered by Angelfish 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all she needs to do is join a self defense class.
he will not beat her anymore, after one week.
i know it is hard to understand; she loves him, so do not make her leave.
children are a good reason to keep a marriage; she is making a wise decision in the long run.
just let her learn to defend herself.
that is how you can help.
2007-02-01 13:54:55 · answer #8 · answered by rumuodani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend may just be looking for attention. Admit it. Her life is probably very uninteresting and she is probably a very insignificant person if she did not have this problem with her husband. She may be just telling you so that you would pay attention to her and fuss over her. It seems like when she self harms, she's exhibiting Münchhausen's syndrome. She's an attention whore.
2007-02-01 09:40:53 · answer #9 · answered by Sax M 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
set him up so he goes jail, then she can run away
2007-02-01 10:28:24 · answer #10 · answered by Redman_Jr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋