okay my husband and i are in counseling. the counselor says we have to continue to make it work, we are working on communication issues, issues on what we want from eachother....HOWEVER, all my friends (even my boss who doesn't even know the details...) say that I'm too nice and i need to throw this guy out of the house and he'll eventually GET it. I need to have "tough love". Who is right??? BTW he's involved in an emotional affair and anytime it comes to him building trust with me, he doesn't follow through...he says "its over between them.." yet he won't prove it.
2007-02-01 08:31:45 · 8 answers · asked by Michelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would trust the counselor.
And here's why...although you may not like it.
I am guessing that you first confided in friends and family. For how many weeks or months did you speak with them, listen to their advice? Did it help?
That inner voice and your friends got you where? How effective were they at resolving the crisis? Simply put, did they make the situation better?
Doesn't sound like it. So, again guessing, in desperation you went to counseling. To a trained and license professional who deals with this for a living. A person who has no vested interest in supporting one party over the other.
Now his/her advice isn't easy. In fact, its the exact opposite of what everyone else is telling you. The same everyone else who failed at improving the situation to begin with.
Give the therapist a chance. You have tried the friends and family routine - now try the pros.
Of course, it may be the marriage simply can't be saved.
2007-02-01 08:56:39 · answer #1 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to listen to your inner voice. Because your counselor doesn't know, and your friends don't know when YOU have really had enough. Only you know. Do some soul searching. Take some time to be alone and really meditate about it and decide what YOU want and need to do for you. Because it really comes down to a matter of trust. If, for example, you know you're never going to be able to trust him again, then there's your answer. If you can, then stop dwelling on what HAS happened, and deal with what's happening now. The answer lies within you. I think if you really think about it, you know this already.
2007-02-01 16:37:07 · answer #2 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the answer to the (very hard) question: Do you want to stay married to this man? Tough love, if it means throwing him out of the house to teach him a lesson, isn't as tough as staying with him and working (long, hard, draining, sometimes boring work) on these communication and trust issues. Who do you listen to, your counselor, your boss, or...your heart?
2007-02-01 16:40:23 · answer #3 · answered by Wise Advice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, Lady you seem to be a victim of doubt. You suspect your husband for everything. You expect something and you do not get it. You want to blame him for everything. So you go and discuss the matter with all who are close to you. You have rightly said that there is communication problem between you two. You both should learn to say what exactly you want from each other. But remember, it is difficult to expect another person to live the way that you want him to live; but easier to change yourself the way that the other person want you to live. That is the basis of family life. Try that and you will surely succeed.
2007-02-01 16:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by atom45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all this is your husband u are talking about not a live in lover or other b/f.....and u are already in counseling...i would say u are already on the road to trying to make it work..this is your life...listen to no one but yourself and your heart
2007-02-01 16:37:19 · answer #5 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he'll do whatever he can to make you trust him again. Yeah, it sounds like he's taking you for granted.
2007-02-01 16:39:47 · answer #6 · answered by carlos b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in this case you will have to find your intuition and listen to it. only you can know what is best for you. and if you feel that this relationship is over in every aspect...then there is only one thing left for you to do. move out...get your own place and start the divorce proceeding so that you can move on with your own life and close this chapter in your life.
2007-02-01 19:26:07 · answer #7 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your heart.............. Do not listen to the back ground noise of others............... Try to make it work! Fight for your marriage but if he do not want to fight with you then you or the counselor can not make him................
2007-02-01 16:38:22 · answer #8 · answered by ELDER 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋