I'll let the male public tell me! (Females please chime in)?

Question

Your wife (age 46) and you (age 45) are just finishing up dinner in a resturant, nothing fancy. Your mother calls, who just happens to be on her way to where you live and is from out of state. (You and your wife know that she is expected - just not what time). Your wife has been having some issues with her drinking; too much, too fast, frequently, staying out late, calling off work, creating problems, having phone numbers of other men, men calling and leaving messages and on and on. So knowing that your mother is just down the road, and having finished dinner and paid the bill - you would expect your spouse to leave with you - correct? She doesn't leave with you, tells you she'll take a taxi home and ends up showing up at midnight (7 hours later), drunk! Say this happens once every 2 weeks, once every 3 weeks. Guys do you tolerate this? Girls would you do this? She has a problem and "will not" face it! Girls/Guys what do you think of "drunk" women sitting on a bar stool? TU

Answer 1

Tell the taxi,, that she does not live there, and hire an attorney, and see ya. At that age, you don't need to be putting up with that crap, find someone else and leave her in the past. Been there done that, and I ended up with sole and full custody, and I Thank God every day for that. Good Luck in what ever you choose, and God Bless.

Answer 2

No. This is unacceptable behavior. You need to confront her. I'm assuming by the fact that you ask, you do still love her. You just know she has a problem. Still, she does need to take responsibility for her problem.

Here's a healthy confrontation method.

1. Affirm the relationship - Let her know you love her and want to build the relationship.
2. Discuss the issue - Try to be gentle, but direct. No name calling. Simply have a bullet list of the things happening and how you feel about them.
2. Discuss the solution - Have a bullet list of options. Don't include divorce. Try to have all positive solutions. Remember to mention you will go through it with her.
3. Discuss what will change - Determine which solutions are being tried and confirm they start now.
4. Re confirm the relationship - Let her know you love her and want to get over this hurtle.

If around step 3 or 4 she is defensive and non-respondant, you will need to up the conversation to include the fact that you won't continue to live this way. Find out what you can do to reach a solution. If at any time the conversation turns to argument, stop the conversation and try again at a later time.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You have a serious problem. You are already getting away from your wife. She seem to adopt some means of punishing you for some peculiar reason. It is obvious that she is trying to defy you. Presumably, you two may have frequent quarrels. So you must go for proper counseling. She seem to be unhappy with your company that is why she is looking for other men or their company. Try to understand her problem in a peaceful manner. Do not object to everything that she does. You have not understood her completely. Avail as many opportunities as possible to be with her and find out her grievances. At least for some time keep your mother out of this. Once you get to know your wife, then console her show that you love her more and then she will slowly come back to your line. It is not that easy. But not impossible. Patience is the key word.

Answer 4

I think some of this depends on how long it's been going on. If you've been together for 20 years and this has been happening for only a few months, clearly there's something going on and you're missing it.

If your mother is visiting every 2 or 3 weeks and that's when she does it, I think you have your answer. My MIL has done a lot to make me feel like I'm not good enough to be part of her family, and I have declined to visit with her on occasion when my husband spent time with his parents. If they were coming around every 2 or 3 weeks, I'd probably be the drunk woman on the bar stool and I wouldn't care what anybody thought, least of all my husband if he were completely insensitive to how I felt.

Why? Because it HURTS when your MIL is like that, and after awhile you can't take it anymore.

Answer 5

I think there's no better place for a drunk than on a barstool. At least that means that they aren't on the road.

So I think that she's just going through some stuff. It's pretty common at that age to begin re-thinking your life. If what you find disappoints you, what are you to do but drink yourself out of your misery?

She probably isn't satisfied with her marriage, or her sex life. And she has most likely told you a million times, in a thousand different ways. You are now seeing the signs of your inattentiveness manifest into actions.

Your wife needed you, and you were not there for her. Now she is looking for something or someone else that will be there for her. The issue is that she loves you too much to hurt you, and too much to say goodbye. She has to get to a boiling point, first. And she will.

I don't think that there is anything you can do but change with her. It's too late to redo the past, so you much move forward. Be crazy with her. Make her fall in love with you again.

Answer 6

Read up on alcoholics.

No one changes till the world crashes if they are addicted. Since your are married, do the obligatory interventions. But don't be so nice and tolerant anymore. Tell her that the calls, and the late night trips (or what ever) are OVER or she can move out.

Document it all.

No one changes till they have too. She may have a problem that can be managed if the interventions are done ASAP. Otherwise, do you love her enough to put up with it till she figure it out. Could be 10 more years. By the way...wear condoms.

Answer 7

NO i wouldn't ever do it, i am 25 and have never had a drink in my life so i would not have that problem and NO i wouldn't tolerate it....i would confront her and tell her if she doesn't get help for her drinking (rehab, AA, counseling) that i am leaving, and maybe you should anyway....get a place of you own for awhile and let her do what she wants....that way she will see what she is letting go of and maybe she will come to her senses if not you are probably looking at divorce or you could always try marriage counseling at first and see if you can save your marriage. but in the end you have to do what is right for you and what is healthy...she is not creating a healthy environment and this is not healthy for you.....do what is best for you...sometimes the hardest thing to do is leave.....good luck

Answer 8

Are you serious ?? I realize your in love with her and you've had some years together and what not but she's hurting you and your taking it. Kinda like knock me down and you get right back up to take another one. Defend yourself in any way you can. If it means seperation, then go for it. Divorce, hey she asked for it. Don't go waiting for her to be in your bed with another dude before you do something about it. Forget your mother. She's just at the right place at the very wrong time. Your wife needs to figure out what she wants whether it's you or alcohol and other men. I'd ask her straight out. See what she says. Good luck !!

Answer 9

If you really love her and want to help her you need to do so and fast
if she's behaving this way shes not happy with her life (and no, I am not putting the blame on you)
Maybe she had a hard tim growing up, no one to talk to, no friends, something at wor whatever the case.
You need to start an intervention for her.
get a few of her closest friends (if any), family, your kids (if any), neighbors, ANYONE...Not only is this messing up her life, but yours and everyone around you.
Thats not fair to anyone.
I would never do this, but if God forebid this happened to me, looking back on it, I would want someone on my side.
remember: You made a promise to God to stay together through thick and thin (not that this means anything nowadays) that means 'til death
but if worst comes to worst, then get a divorce.
That means after you've done everything you can for her.
I wish you the best of luck, and God bless.
[♥]

any further advice email me ([e-mail])

Answer 10

You don't say how long you've been married to this prize. No matter, you are an enabling codependent. She has a problem, let her own it. Tell her you're not putting up with her bad behavior anymore. Have specific incidents, dates, and times ready to confront her with. (General statements will not work.) She can go to AA, some other treatment facility, or quit cold turkey. If she doesn't change or at least take honest IMMEDIATE steps to get help, send her on her way.