wife of 9 years had an affair for 6 months, while had our problems in marriage-money-fussing, once she met this guy, it was all over. she lied to me every night, left me and two small kids to go spend night with him--told me she was at girlfriends house-thinking about our relationship, if she could love this new man i was trying to become--all BS. finally somewhat admitted to affair before christmas, now living with him and working with him three states away--they are so in love, he walks on water. i have temp custody of kids, 7 year old and 4 year old, would not trade that for anything. but i am so mad/hurt/angry about many things--her leaving, her loving someone else-all the lies-that she is so happy now-that kids miss her-that when she talks to them it is all how much she loves them and misses them-that in her mind she will return to NC and take them becasue she is the mom-she didnt miss them enough to stay home, bathe them, put them tp bed--I AM SO MAD-why is she happy and i not
2007-02-01 08:23:22 · 13 answers · asked by lowerNC 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
honestly i think if i were in your position i would simply dissapear with the kids and start over somehwere else. let her wonder where her children are for the rest of her life.
2007-02-01 09:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by jude D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a really hard thing to do, and congratulations on knowing that you're angry and that you should work on it. In UEW we have a document called the Affirmation of Acknowledgment, that states specifically that we understand that we can't hold any religion responsible for the action of a small group or single person, any more than we can hold a single person responsible for the actions of a religion. I came into Wicca via an agnostic stint after leaving a fundamentalist Baptist church. We probably don't have the same issues, but at least I can sympathize with what you're going through... It *is* possible to get past it. The first step for me was realizing that being angry was OK, and that I had an absolute right to be angry. After that, it was realizing that being angry was a burden on *me,* not on the church/religion I left. If you're always angry you're expending a fantastic amount of energy on a group and philosophy you want to leave behind. In essence, you're giving them power over you, and I'm sure you don't want that... But unlike what you may have been taught in church, you are NOT obligated to forgive somebody for hurting you --for them-- you need to do it for you. To get started it might be best of you craft a little ritual or separation. Do you have anything left from your Mormon days you're willing to part with? For instance, when I got (happily) divorced, I had a full circle ritual in which I burned my dried wedding bouquet in my cauldron, and then flushed the ashes down the toilet. Very cathartic! It's a tangible act that helps encourage those rather intangible ideas. Most likely the anger will never completely go away. But the less thought you give to it the less control it has over you and your actions.
2016-05-24 02:52:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your kids first. Do everything in your power legally to get full custody of your kids with visitation for your floozy ex-wife. I know you're angry and you really want to make both the ex and her scumbag boyfriend miserable. The best thing to do is just forget about these two horrible, miserable people and take steps to move on with your life. I can almost guarantee you that even if these two idiots get married, it won't last. How can it? Their entire relationship is based on lies and deceit. There can't be any trust or loyalty between them. You may never know for sure, but I'm betting there will come a day when these two jackasses make each more miserable than you are right now. The best revenge is to live your own life well and leave these two in the dust behind you.
2007-02-02 10:12:52 · answer #3 · answered by saylavie2u2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why wouldn't you be angry???? She betrayed you... Look what happened: You had a marriage, a wife, a family, and you thought things were fine. Then she lied.... there goes the trust. Then she's in an affair with a guy --- there goes the passion as you see a visual of this guy pronging your wife, and with that, the respect and admiration you had for her are all in the toilet with the passion and trust.... Hon, if you weren't angry, there would be something the matter with you!!!! How dare she!!!!
Well, now, what do you do about it. Understand that your marriage was shaky before, and that the guy she is with now is the "bridge" out of the marriage with you.... and hon, take heart in the fact that the bridge will not be the guy she will end up with....
In the meantime, get a couple sessions of counseling to get your head back on straight, (and divorce the ***** for abandonment) and when you feel better, get up an ad on Yahoo personals, Match.com, e-harmony, and find a nice lady.... There are tons out there who want a solid, great guy like you.
(been there, and found the prince on Yahoo... There are some tricks to doing this, write when you are interested....... )
2007-02-01 10:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not happy because you're grieving. It's part of the cycle of betrayal. Not only are you grieving for you, but for your children too. It's a bad situation. You are in one of the normal stages of abandonment. ANGER. The anger is going to be replaced with other emotions as you work through this. Right now, this is how you need to feel. You will get through this. You will get better with time. Try to focus on your children. I know it's hard, but the stronger they see you in this situation, the better they'll do. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. If it makes you feel any better, I'm a firm believer in "karma" or whatever you'd like to call it, but whatever we do does come back to us sooner or later, and usually in a worse way than we delivered to someone else. You'll love again. Just give yourself some time. You WILL be okay. I know because I've been on both sides of the coin. She's being selfish right now, and she can't see anything else except this green pasture the other bull is in. Hang in there.
2007-02-01 08:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, i am pretty much in the same situation, except i was with my wife for 4 years and my son is only 3. Otherwise most of what you wrote is the same as me, one thing is she doesnt deserve the kids, she wasnt thinking about them when she was off with this guy, very selfish. as for you, the way i deal with it is just do stuff that makes me happy, it is hard because the pain stays for awhile and you might still feel love for her, let yourself hate, you need that. eventually you will be happier. Unfortunately, you have kids together, so there will always been a connection, but be cold towards her, you dont have to be nice, just civil. Good luck
2007-02-01 08:34:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kids will grow up to appreciate you and resent her for leaving. 15 years from now this jerk she hooked up with will be gone and her kids will want nothing to do with her.
Don't be fooled about her temporary happiness. What kind of a man would steal a wife from not just another man - but two kids as well? He'll get bored of her and dump her like a load of garbage. When she comes crying back to you, don't take her back.
2007-02-01 08:29:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will get past your anger when you are ready to get past it. Your wife treated you poorly and you are entitled to your feelings.
There isn't much you can do about the choices your wife made, and dwelling on the choices isn't going to make it easier. You just to have to keep moving forward. If you need a break from those feelings, try focusing on the love you feel for your children.
Please keep in mind, though, that you need to split out your feelings about what she did to you from your perceptions about how she feels about the children. She may love her children very much, but didn't deal with the situation in an appropriate way.
2007-02-01 08:37:24 · answer #8 · answered by ms_lain_iwakura 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! You are better off. And whatever you do, don't let her havethose babies!!! Shoe is not a mother. I would never leave my kids. It will take time for the anger to go away. YOu need to find an outlet. I know youhave the kids and it will be hard, but maybe het a punching bag to put in the basement or soemthing and after they are tucked in, pretend it is her. I am so sorry for oyu and your kids.
2007-02-01 08:29:06 · answer #9 · answered by browneyedgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry your children have to go through this, but you have to be strong for them!! Its a shame she left them for her "lover"
Don't be mad or angry it doesn't get you anywhere!! We learn this the hard way. You will be happy too, as you say you wouldn't trade them for the anything. Life is to short! We obviously can't control our feelings but she should have been an adult and delt with it in a different manner!! Good Luck and Stay Strong!!!!!
2007-02-01 08:31:14 · answer #10 · answered by pink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude...you need to find a way to get happy again. i know that for me...writing out my feelings (versus talking...yes i'm an introvert) helps me a ton. as well as doing something physical like exercising or organizing or cleaning. i would start with dealing with what is making you angry so that you can at least deal with it in a way that it will not hurt anyone else. second...i would suggest for you to start a new life for yourself instead of sitting there waiting for something to happen or for her to even come back home. what do YOU want to do? do you want to hang out with your friends? then do so. get some hobbies...or learn a new trade. anything...but please don't just sit there and be angry at her. learn how to re-channel that anger and turn that into something positive for yourself. there is nothing more rewarding than living well. oh...and you may want to hire an attorney. your wife is already doing what she wants to do. now...what do you want to do?
2007-02-01 11:33:43 · answer #11 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋